We’ve all heard the rule that a person shouldn’t wear white to someone’s wedding when they aren’t the bride.
But some brides get protective of the color white in the days before and after their weddings, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
With her sister’s wedding festivities underway, Redditor pinkies_up_sip_sip was looking forward to celebrating her own birthday and picked out a white dress to wear that obviously was not a wedding dress.
But when her sister insisted that she couldn’t wear white before her wedding, since she wasn’t the bride, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong or if her sister was slipping into bridezilla territory.
She asked the sub:
“WIBTA (Would I be the a**hole) if I wore white [for my birthday party] when my sister is the bride?”
The OP found the perfect dress for her upcoming birthday party.
“My sister is getting married in mid-November. My birthday is in mid-October.”
“I have been looking at some restaurants to celebrate my birthday with my core group.”
“Today, I was searching for a dress to wear for my birthday. I found the prettiest white dress with sunflowers, and it gave off autumn vibes. It’s also very fairy- and hippie-like, which fits my whole aura in general. Also, I live in Miami where white does not go out of fashion.”
But her sister took issue with the OP wearing it near her wedding day.
“I excitedly showed my sister the dress.”
“Yes, it’s overwhelming white because it’s long with peasant-style puff sleeves; however, it’s clear that it’s not remotely a wedding-like dress or bridal party dress.”
“She asked me how could I wear a white dress when she is the bride.”
“Her wedding festivities had begun (we just got back from her bachelorette and her bridal shower is towards the end of October, after my birthday) and me wearing white is not okay. Only she can wear white.”
“‘You’re not a bride; you cannot wear white,’ were her words.”
The OP did not understand where her sister was coming from.
“I took it as a joke, and told her, ‘It’s my birthday; I can choose to wear whichever color I want.’ I also wasn’t planning on wearing white to anything bridal-related, just my birthday.”
“She is a Reddit lurker, and I told her I was going to ask Reddit for their opinion.”
“So Reddit, WIBTA if I choose to wear white to my birthday dinner? Or is my sister on the verge of becoming a bridezilla?”
“So far, things have been light-hearted between us; however, I can’t believe she would take issue with me wearing white at an unrelated event.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that not wearing white only applied to the wedding day.
“Nah, I’ve been a bride before, and let me tell you, she’s as full of crap as she is entitled. Outside of her own actual wedding events, she’s just a normal human being, not the bride-to-be.” – SmashedBrotato
“NTA. You don’t wear white to the wedding. Even wedding-related events, I can maybe see her point. But your birthday? Nah that’s completely separate. This is a totally unreasonable thing for her to say.” – Working_Fill_4024
“NTA. The white-wearing ban is only on the wedding day, not before, not after.” – ElderberryOwn666
“NTA. Your sister is nuts. I kept expecting you to say you would have to wear it to the wedding as well or something. But… what the f**k? She gets, at most, the wedding ceremony itself; anything more and it’s overreach.”
“You wear anything a month before has absolutely nothing to do with her wedding. Is it possible that she’s so lost in wedding prep that she confusingly thought you were proposing to wear it to the wedding? Because nothing else even makes sense to me.” – Merickwise
“Wait, she’s mad that you’re wearing white to an event that isn’t her wedding? Bananas behavior. I would avoid wearing it to events related to her wedding (I personally think that’s kind of a silly thing to get worked up over in any case, but I understand that other people would have strong feelings about it so it’s best to avoid).”
“But she can’t tell you that you can’t wear white to your own birthday dinner separate from her wedding. NTA.” – only_living_girl
“I work in the wedding industry and have literally never heard of this! Tell your sister she gets ONE DAY. And that making your birthday about her wedding is kind of a sucky thing to do. NTA.”
“(P.S. On a less ridiculous note, post-wedding blues is a very real thing, and if she is already subscribing to the idea that the lives of the people around her revolve around her wedding, then she’s likely to crash hard when she’s not a special bride anymore.”
“Sounds like the two of you usually have a good relationship, so maybe just be aware that this might happen and plan some fun things before and after with her that have nothing to do with her wedding.)” – Unlikely_Price8624
“Whoa, hold up. I thought you wanted to wear the dress to the wedding. You want to wear it to your birthday dinner, a month before the wedding? NTA and your sister can go pound sand.” – ivylass
“NTA. A bride-to-be only has exclusive use of the color white on the wedding day. Your birthday is not even tangentially related to her wedding, and it takes a lot of chutzpah for her to guilt you about wearing white.” – UteLawyer
“NTA. Your birthday is your birthday. Her wedding is her wedding. They’re not on the same day.” – RemyTheMagnificent
Others agreed and pointed out that only wedding-related events were no-white territory.
“NTA. The only time it’d be wrong for you to wear white is to her (or another person’s) wedding. She doesn’t own white for the year leading up to and the year following her wedding. These women, they are really something.” – Foggy_Radish
“I feel like the bride can only claim the white outfit at the wedding, rehearsal dinner, bachelorette party, and wedding shower. That’s FOUR events where she gets to wear white all on her own.”
“OP’s birthday is not on that list, lol (laughing out loud). NTA.” – dcdcdani
“NTA. You could buy a legit wedding dress to wear to your birthday and still not be the AH. The nobody wears white thing applies to the day of, and nothing more.” – RefrigeratorFun4676
“I thought from the title that you wanted to wear white on the wedding day, which obviously isn’t cool. But you want to wear it to your birthday, which isn’t on the same day, and her having a problem with that, that’s just crazy. NTA.” – thebigd**kboss
“So she gets the monopoly on white for a whole month? Why not a whole year? In fact, white is her color now, OP. You are hereby formally banished from now until the end of eternity!”
“NTA, OP. This girl is being ridiculous!” – slackerchic
“Your sister is going to have a big task on her hands, making sure that no one who plans to attend her wedding wears white between now and the wedding date. Because surely if this applies to you, it applies to the rest of the guests, as well.” – RichSignal7022
“NTA, you can wear whatever color you want to your birthday celebration. Do not wear white to any wedding-related events obviously, but everyone else’s lives do not stop when someone gets married and your birthday’s proximity to her nuptials is irrelevant.” – sarabatgirl
“Hahahaha, your sister is ridiculous! (Sorry, sister, but just stop.)”
“Not wearing white has always been about the wedding day festivities and nothing else. And honestly, the dress you are describing wouldn’t even draw attention at a wedding since it is patterned and not bridal. Why do people look for drama when there is none?”
“NTA in the slightest.” – incognito_autistic
“By her rules, she can’t wear white, either. She’s not actually a bride until the day of. Right now she’s a fiance and bride-to-be, not a bride.”
“And if that’s the stance she wants to take, I hope she doesn’t wear white on any day after her wedding, either. People are getting married all the time, and she wouldn’t want to wear white and potentially steal attention from that bride in the church across town, would she?”
“Her logic is dumb, it’s your birthday, wear whatever you want. H**l, wear an actual wedding dress if you want to. It literally does not make any difference in regards to her wedding. You’re NTA and I hope your sister reads these comments and realizes how controlling and ridiculous she’s being.” – SpecificWorldliness
While the subReddit could get behind the idea of not wearing white to someone’s wedding, and perhaps even the other wedding-related events like the bridal shower or bachelorette party, they didn’t understand where the sister was coming from by worrying about an unrelated event that was occurring near the time of her wedding.
Despite them being sisters, it wasn’t like people were going to suddenly think the OP was the one getting married, and her birthday dress surely wouldn’t steal her sister’s wedding dress’s thunder.