We all want to be there for our families. But, that doesn’t mean we need to just let them take over whatever they want. Especially not our home.
Redditor Standard_Pride_4782 encountered this very issue with their brother. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
AITA for laughing when my brother brought up living with me while he attends college?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I live in another state now but I’m home at my parents house for the week for Christmas. My younger brother recently got into a University in the city my wife and I live in.”
“At dinner I asked him if he’s officially decided on it yet or if he’s still making up his mind. He then said how he’s 90% sure he’s going to choose it because he loves the city and he’ll be able to save money.”
“I then asked ‘Oh nice, did you get a scholarship?’ To which he goes ‘Well a small one yeah but this way I can stay with you and save money on Room & Board.'”
“I just immediately started laughing thinking he was joking.”
“He asked why I was laughing and I told him ‘My wife and I just got married and bought a house together, we’re not spending our time a newlyweds with a roommate dude.'”
OP did not take their brother seriously.
“I truly thought he was joking with how non-chalant he was about assuming he’d live with me.”
“But he got real upset and started talking about how me not letting him do so would add 40k in debt for his college. I told him I’m sorry about the state of college in our country but my wife and I aren’t interested in roommates.”
“Of course I’ll have him over for dinner and he can hang whenever but we are not starting our marriage with him living with us and that wasn’t up for discussion.”
“He then got really mad and is acting all mopey.”
“My dad told me he doesn’t blame me for my position but thought the way I laughed about it was a**holey.”
“When I apologized about it though he still is acting mad and I don’t think I really did anything wrong but he’s normally not this bitter so I thought I’d get some 3rd party thoughts.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. That was a major thing for him to assume. I would’ve laughed as well if one of my siblings pulled that.” ~ Xennial_Wonderland
“Glad I’m not the only one.” ~ Standard_Pride_4782
“NTA. Definitely an ask, not an assume. I’d laugh in someone’s face too if they informed me they were moving into my house, regardless of who it was.” ~ noshoptime
“And of course he’s bitter. You just ruined his plan to have you support his education and college lifestyle to the tune of around 40 thousand dollars.”
“I would also have laughed. NTA.” ~ f02f2e6fa0b3
“Exactly, brother saves $40k while costing OP $40k. I would’ve laughed too if a sibling just assumed they could go withdraw $40k from my bank account. Laughed, and then followed it down with some choice 4-letter words!” ~ Brave_Pilot8017
“He’s just a kid. Teens aren’t exactly known for having perspective or seeing things from alternate points of view, and they can occasionally confuse the fantasy scenario in their heads with reality. And they certainly do not realize that teenagers are super hard to live with and suck as roommates – in their own minds they are perfectly reasonable. Since saving money is prudent, he probably saw himself as mature and didn’t look past that.”
“So it sounds like he’s having a bit of a sulk because you didn’t handle it diplomatically. But he’s not an asshole for being immature (he may be an AH of course, but immaturity is developmentally appropriate) and you’re not an asshole for standing your ground. NAH.” ~ ditchdiggergirl
OP still wants to hang out with their brother.
“Assuming someone would let you live with them without even being asked about it, just being expected/demanded, is entitled. Not ‘occasionally confusing the fantasy scenario in their heads with reality.’.. unless you’re meaning a fantasy scenario where they’re entitled to whatever their siblings/parents/family have (including but not limited to housing/vehicles/etc)… which is still entitled af.” ~ kzykattn
“As a young newly wed myself I totally get not wanting an extended house guest. And like most newlyweds we’re not exactly raking it in, so even if we wanted to we really couldn’t. At least not without a serious conversation about how that guest would contribute to the household.”
“When will he be getting a job? Does he expect you to pay for his food and gas? How much rent can he pay? Will he help with chores? What if you and your wife decide to have a baby in the next four years? What are ground rules for friends/ SOs and quiet hours?”
“Even if we were longer married and more financially stable, you don’t just inform someone you will be moving in with them.” ~ Elizabeth_Sparrow
“There was a time when I knew without a doubt I’d be able to move in with my sister and her husband, but you know what I did before packing my things and doing so..?”
“I spoke to her and her husband about it. I’m not even surprised that a sibling would consider asking another sibling to move in especially during college, what gets me is that he just decided he was moving in with you and your new bride.. for free…!? Dafuq? Is this common for your brother? Is he entitled usually? Has he had a lot handed to him? I just can’t understand his mentality here..” ~ StayWildChild
“My siblings assume they can move in with me into my first apartment/house. I’ve told them 1) no, 2)double no, 3) Hell NO, 4) I’ll call the police on you to take you back to our parent’s house, and 5) I love having a complete NEW canvas to shape to my liking without ANYONE ticking me off on purpose. I simply smile and say no you litter gremlin while maintaining a constipated smile.” ~ QueenScottish
Who assumes they can just move in somewhere?