Many people dream of spending their wedding day surrounded by friends and family.
They look forward to celebrating and sharing the special moment alongside loved ones.
Sometimes, however, regardless of relation, the happy couple agrees it’s best for an individual to sit the party out… even if everyone in the family doesn’t agree.
A person on Reddit is facing backlash from some family members for excluding their brother from their upcoming wedding after he insulted the engagement ring with one of his infamous “fun facts,” so they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor Correct_Royal_4033 asked:
“I have an older brother David (41).”
“David has boundary issues and was in the learning disabled classes.”
“My parents never let him out of the home.”
“He has a very rough personality, and because he was never allowed to work or do anything, so in his 40s, he doesn’t have friends.”
“He still dominates the conversation at every holiday with ‘fun facts’ and goes off on those and doesn’t realize no one is listening.”
“My other siblings and I just really don’t like David because my parents let him do whatever and just dominate whatever social settings we are in.”
“My older sister eloped because of David being my mom kept trying to find David a ‘place’ at her wedding.”
“I’m getting married to Mel, and my youngest brother Nick is my best man.”
“My sister who is close to Mel is in the bridal party.”
“Her husband is one of my best men and their son is a ring bearer.”
“My wife wants a real wedding and not be forced to elope like my sister did.”
“David has no place.”
“He’s not going to be invited because the first thing he did was insult the ring I got my Mel was his ‘fun facts’ about how diamonds are worthless and do not resell well.”
“I should have got her a second hand engagement ring or a colored stone engagement ring.”
“We then got a history on engagement rings and marriage tradition.”
“We tried shutting him up but he wouldn’t and my mom said let ‘the professor talk.'”
“Even at 40 she thinks my brother ‘fun facts’ are cute.”
“This put a hard no on Mel’s stance that my brother can’t come to the wedding.”
“If my parents defend him, even once, they are not coming.”
“She not having not wedding like my sister and it’s time for David to be put in his place.”
“Mom called and asked about wedding planning and I told her she wasn’t involved after what happened to my sister wedding dress shopping (Mom brought David who told everyone his fun facts about wedding dress history) that’s when my sister decided to elope.”
“I told Mom if she and Dad wanted to come to the wedding as guests, they can, but David isn’t invited.”
“Mom didn’t talk for awhile.”
“I think she started crying because my dad took over the phone call.”
I told him what upset mom and said David isn’t invited and mom can’t be trusted to be involved in wedding planning without David tagging along.”
“Dad said he doesn’t understand why we all hate David, and I told him what is wrong with his ‘fun facts’ My dad said, ‘the boy likes to talk, and there’s no harm in it.'”
“I told my dad that’s the thing: there is harm in David’s ‘fun facts’, and now no one wants to be around him.”
“Dad started arguing, saying stuff in defense of David, and I told Dad we are at a stalemate, and I guess all 3 of you won’t be coming to the wedding.”
“I’m sorry, but that is how it is.”
“I ended the conversation with my dad, and my mom has been upset, texting like a crazy person to everybody about how we all need to understand David.”
“What I’m doing is mean.”
“Mel feels like this whole thing is why I can’t invite David or my parents.”
“I agree that they can’t even be trusted to come to my wedding without sneaking David in.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA”
“Let’s be clear, it isn’t David’s fun facts or that he likes to talk that is the core problem, it is that every gathering becomes about him and only him.”
“That there isn’t room for anyone else to say, do or feel anything themselves and any joy you and your siblings might have in being together is killed dead by his behaviour.”
“You will not let him suck all the joy out of your wedding.”
“It isn’t David’s fault.”
“It is his parent’s fault.”
“Tell them that.” – WantToBelieveInMagic
“NTA, but your parents are delusional and straight-up harming David by coddling and indulging him.”
“You stated in comments that he’s never even been diagnosed with anything, and your parents refuse to have him evaluated.”
“They have hamstrung him.”
“Someone needs to sit down with them and ask them what their plans are for David when they die.”
“How will he take care of himself when they’ve never taught him how to behave socially or how to hold a job.”
“For all they know, if he had been evaluated and given early intervention, he might have had a regular life with a spouse and kids.”
“But they robbed him of that chance with the way they’ve treated him.”
“They may very well expect that you and your siblings will ‘step up’ and become his caretakers.”
“Or they may be planning to leave everything to David in their wills, which will backfire considering he’s never been taught to be self-sufficient.”
“They have set him up for failure, and they need to fix this mistake as quickly as possible.”
“Your dad is probably the most reasonable one to have this conversation with and then he can help bring your mom around.”
“As annoying as he may be, remember your parents made him this way and the situation is borderline if not out right abusive.”
“He’s in a very pitiable situation and is going to have a very harsh life once they pass.” – Silaquix
“NTA in any way shape or form.”
“Your parents have failed David, and this is the natural consequence of enabling this behavior for decades.”
“Also it’s really f**king weird that he’s 40 and they still talk about him as if he’s a small child.”
“Do not mention anything about the wedding to the three of them, and make sure your siblings are also aware and don’t do it either.”
“Hire security and make sure they know what your parents and David look like.” – applebum8807
“NTA. Your brother is used to being the center of attention.”
“Always.”
“He’s never not been the center.”
“It’s not even fair to call it main character syndrome since he doesn’t know any different.”
“Your parents created this problem.”
“There is nothing wrong with your future wife wanting to be the center of attention at her own wedding.”
“The only way she will get this is if your brother doesn’t come.”
“Be happy that you still ended up with so many awesome people who do want to support you and your new family.”
“Your other siblings sound really great.” – Atherial
“NTA. Sorry your parents did not see many years ago that your brother had behavioral issues that needed to be dealt with.”
“For them to allow his sometimes obnoxious and cruel ‘fun’ facts to dominate your family in the way they have is very sad.”
“Their failing to recognize the effect of this behavior on the rest of the family is tragic.”
“Trying to manage the unwanted behavior at this point would be almost impossible and even confusing to your brother as it seems they have humored him all his life and never tried to teach him boundaries.”
“In their move to protect their special needs child, they have enabled this over-the-top behavior and disregarded the other children in the family.”
“Their intentions weren’t bad, just misguided and wrong and they refuse to see the error of their ways.”
“So, guess they leave you with no choice but to not include them at your wedding.”
“So sorry.” – Realistic_Head4279
“NTA at all.”
“Your parents are delusional.”
“He is not their quirky cute little boy anymore.”
“He’s a grown man who doesn’t have any social skills because they didn’t do their job in parenting him.”
“The fact that he has some sort of mental disability doesn’t mean that he should be allowed to do whatever he wants.”
“Your parents created a codependent narcissist who can’t handle being told “‘no.'”
“Now they have to live with the consequences.”
“And be prepared for the pressure they’ll put on you once they’re old and incapable of caring for him.”
“Then you’ll be selfish and cruel for not taking your own brother to your home to take care of him, and how can you do that to him?”
“He’s your family!”
“This is not how we raised you!”
“Seriously, you need to plan for this because it WILL happen.” – Gennevieve1
Hopefully, comments from fellow Redditors gave OP some peace of mind.
The OP still has a tough road and probably several lengthy conversations, but at least their feelings are validated.