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Bride Lashes Out After Learning Brother Secretly Proposed To His Boyfriend At Her Wedding

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Love is love.

And it should be celebrated anywhere and at anytime.


Some people don’t seem to agree.

Case in point…

Redditor engagementhelp_ wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for getting engaged at my sister’s wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My partner and I [29 M[ale] and 32 M] have been together for a decade now.”

“We’ve discussed marriage before but it’s always one of those ‘we’ll get to it when we get to it’ things.”

“We’re in love, we’ve lived together for years, we’ve both got steady incomes.”

“Basically all we haven’t done is gotten the special piece of paper and had a party with family.”

“My sister’s wedding was this past weekend, and it brought up a lot of unexpected feelings.”

“My partner and I have never been particularly bothered with the idea of a big wedding.”

“And we’re still planning on keeping things small, but there was something special about that night.”

“We’ve been to plenty of lovely weddings together before, but something felt different.”

“In a private moment just between us two, I asked him to marry me and he accepted.”

“There was no big show, no getting down on one knee, just an intimate moment between the two of us during the reception.”

“We didn’t tell anyone that night, or even for a few days.”

“We had a little family visit yesterday, though, to see my sister and her new husband before they left for their honeymoon.”

“My partner and I said how beautiful her wedding was and how moved we were.”

“And told the story of that special moment that she helped facilitate, even if it wasn’t intended.”

“Instead of happiness, we were met with anger.”

“She argued that it was disrespectful and undermined her event.”

“That we were trying to ‘steal her thunder.'”

“I wasn’t even planning on sharing this story with anyone but mine and my husband’s immediate families and friends.”

“I also thought it was harmless because we didn’t call attention to ourselves.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“It may be unpopular, but I’m going to say NTA.”

“‘Don’t propose at someone else’s wedding’ is a pretty common rule, but in this case I feel like sister is upholding for the sake of the rule, rather than because it makes sense.”

“It’s more about ‘don’t hijack someone else’s event.'”  

“If it was a quiet moment with just you two, no one else noticed, you didn’t cause a scene, no one jumped on a table and announced it to everyone present, I think you’re ok.”

“As long as in the future you don’t make a big deal of it or anything.”

“And don’t advertise that you got engaged at your sister’s wedding.”

“And definitely don’t bring up your engagement any time someone talks about sister’s wedding.”  ~ Acceptable-Read-5428

“Agreed. NTA. This was not a ‘steal the mic and serenade your love” on the dance floor moment.'”

“This was a very private moment that they didn’t mention for days afterward.”  ~ lisalef

“Everything you said i totally agree with, but because of your sensible caveats at the end I’d say NAH.”

“We don’t know what OP is like, maybe the sister is worried in the future he WILL make a big deal of it.”

“WILL advertise that he got engaged at his sister’s wedding.”

“And WILL bring up his engagement whenever someone talks about his sister’s wedding.”

“She might just be thinking ugh why did you have to merge the events together and partially make it yours.”  ~ whateverhoover

“Yeah, I totally get what you are saying, and honestly, I did consider NAH.”

“But I guess it was sister’s talk about ‘undermining the event’ and ‘stealing her thunder’ that made me think she was being dramatic and a bit of an AH.”

“Who knows, maybe she was just caught off guard and reacted poorly.” ~ Acceptable-Read-5428

“Well, his sister didn’t even know it happened until a few days afterwards.”

“Clearly they weren’t trying to steal anyone’s thunder.”

“I’m going NTA.”

“Frankly, OP could’ve lied about it and said it happened a week before or the day after and still nobody would be the wiser.”

“But she literally got upset a week after when she found out.”  ~ AnKap_Engel

“Honestly they were all in the clear you know it was a private moment thing and then waited for a few days to clear event.”

“And then they revealed the timeline which is the exact moment they went into lack of common sense Ville.”

“They could’ve just said we just decided to get engaged as opposed to admitting that it happened during the duration of the wedding so that it would’ve come off more romantic.”

“Maybe you can give a shout out at your own future ceremony thanking them for having inspired you to take this step.”  ~ SnooSuggestions2288

“And so what if people find out that OP’s joy in seeing his sister’s happiness was the catalyst that pushed him and his fiance to the next step?”

“That’s a beautiful story.”

“He didn’t steal ANYTHING from his sister.”

“It’s the sister who’s acting like a happiness miser — ‘it was my day, how dare you be so overcome with joy — for me and my husband — that you got engaged?'”

“Happiness shared is happiness doubled.”

“It would have made me happy to leave on my honeymoon knowing that my sister was going to be as happy as I was.”

“OP’s sister needs to have her head examined.”  ~ CoraCecilia

“Agreed- NTA and based on OP’s sister’s ridiculous behavior she would have been equally mad if they got engaged the day before or after her wedding.”

“The week before or after her wedding and likely even a month before or after her wedding.”

“I never understood why people think the own days or baby names or any of the other things people like to claim that they own.”  ~ Mirvb

“This is so dumb. Why are there so many dumb rules around weddings?”

“Yeah, don’t hijack someone’s ceremony.”

“That’s fair and logical.”

“But for how long should people REALLY be expected to put their lives on hold because a bride wants to ‘feel special?'”

“She had her day.”

“Now she can go on vacation and have a nice time while everyone else gets back to their lives.”

“OP is NTA and handled this respectfully.”

“The whole wedding ‘make the bride feel special’ thing has gotten out of control.”

“And this is coming from a married woman who really enjoyed her low-key wedding.”  ~ Pepita09

“NTA. The rule about not getting engaged at a wedding is ‘don’t steal the spotlight while someone else is getting married or celebrating at the reception.'”

“It never meant two people can’t decide, privately, to get engaged at a wedding and tell people later.”

“I’d be so touched if my wedding inspired this for someone else.”

“Congratulations and I’m sorry your sister doesn’t see it the same way.”  ~ madelinegumbo

“100% agree with this.”

“The rule to not propose at someone else’s wedding stands true… but this wasn’t even really a proposal.”

“It was two people deciding to get married.”

“Based on the title I thought for sure OP would be the AH.”

“But doing it quietly among themselves and even waiting a few days to let OP’s sister have her moment was MORE than respectful.”

“NTA, and I too would be touched if someone was inspired to get married because of my own wedding.”  ~ Spiffy_Posidean16

“NTA. I was ready for you to be TA but this was a private moment that didn’t draw any attention away from your sister.”

“It sounds like your sharing this information with her was well-intentioned, to compliment her on her beautiful wedding.”

“I’m guessing there is something else that is upsetting her.”  ~ outofrhyme

“NTA. Getting engaged at another person’s wedding is a no-no because it takes the focus away from the bride and groom.”

“Here, you didn’t do any of that.”

“But be prepared for a revenge baby announcement at your own nuptials.”

“You may need a plan in reserve to deal with this if it happens ‘I’m thinking a surrogate waiting in a cake ready to pop out with gender reveal cannons for twins, but you said you like to keep things small.'” ~ JeepersCreepers74

“NTA. It was only the two of you who knew about this.”

“You didn’t draw attention to yourselves.”

“The only thing I can think I would have done differently was wait until after your sister and new husband had their honeymoon.”  ~ ChapSteve711

OP swung back with an update…

“Edit: Thank you for all the engagement well wishes!”

“I’m currently curled up with my fiancé (!!!) reading your responses. :)”

Well OP, Reddit seems to love your love story.

When your sister comes back from her honeymoon, hopefully she’ll be more understanding.

Congratulations and Happy Wedding!