Dinner etiquette is something that many people feel has fallen by the wayside.
Manners, in general, seem to be less of a worry to care about for some.
Are there definitive behaviors that are acceptable and not when eating out with others anymore?
Case in point…
Redditor UnlikelySalary409 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for laughing when my son came home from meeting his girlfriend’s parents because he chose to behave like he does at home?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My son burps a lot while eating.”
“I have tried telling him multiple times that it is rude.”
“I’ve told him to slow down so he doesn’t swallow air with his food.”
“I’ve told him that it is disgusting.”
“My wife will instantly jump in to defend him.”
“She will say that’s just the way he is and that it’s not his fault.”
“The thing is, he can control himself when I remind him.”
“He just chooses not to.”
“He just went on a date with his G[irl]F[riend] last night, and she tore him a new a**hole.”
“It was his first time meeting her parents since they live in another city.”
“They went out to a fancy restaurant, and he burped all the way through supper.”
“He came home almost in tears from her chewing him out for behaving like a jacka** in front of her family.”
“I heard him telling my wife about it, and I laughed.”
“She asked what was so funny, and I reminded them both that I had tried dozens if not hundreds of times to teach him table manners and he rejected them, and she protected him.”
“I said that now he is a grown man, and he had to learn the hard way.”
“They both think she overreacted and that I’m the a**hole for being amused by his experience.”
The OP was left to wonder,
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I also laughed at this.”
“How old is your son?”
“Doesn’t matter either way.”
“There are times for this behavior.”
“Dinner at a restaurant is not one of those times.”
“Girlfriend did not overreact.”
“Hopefully, he learns a valuable lesson from this.” ~ Available-Maize5837
“I don’t understand this…”
“I’ll never sit down to a family dinner ever again in my life, which I find sad because nobody could correct my brother’s smacking and open-mouth chewing.”
“It’s just the way he eats, they say.” ~ BillyMadisonsClown
“I work with a guy like this. He sounds like a farm animal when he eats.”
“You know that noise that sometimes happens if you put hot food in your mouth and you kind of breathe fast to cool it off before your tongue gets scorched?”
“Every mouthful of food he eats, he sounds like that.” ~ 2948337
“Yep-, OP is NTA.”
“It’s OP’s wife that is TA.”
“She abdicated her responsibility as a parent to prepare her son for the outside world.”
“Teaching kids table manners and setting the standard for behavior is the responsibility of parents, guardians, and educators.”
“Now the son is going to be insecure in social settings because he has been given too little guidance on how to behave all because his mother indulged him and gave him the impression that anything he does is ok.”
“I’m betting there are other bad habits she has allowed as well.”
“There is a way to set appropriate standards while letting kids know they are loved and accepted.”
“Accepting their inappropriate behavior is NOT the way.”
“Separate the behavior from the person.”
“OP, you may need to lean in more here now that there is a window of opportunity for both your wife and son to see how doing things their way has failed him.”
“I hope he’s able to smooth things over with the girlfriend.”
“I’m surprised that this issue hadn’t come up between them before– or did he ignore her efforts to correct him because his mother had enabled him for so long?” ~ NeatNefariousness1
“NAH, at some point, with certain things, you’re too damn old for the ‘My mommy said I’m her special little baby’ excuse.”
“If it was more private home-life stuff, like not knowing how to cook or clean, or special occasion things like not knowing how to dress at a wedding.”
“I would be a little more sympathetic to him not knowing because he wasn’t taught.”
“But this is being horrifically gross at every meal, a thing he would have been doing in public for almost two decades now.”
“No way he got through all of middle school, high school, and potentially college without being chewed out, mocked, and generally lambasted by all his friends and other peers this whole time.”
“We can already clearly see his dad and his girlfriend disapproving.”
“I had a pretty hippy-ish mother who didn’t teach me to curb a lot of my bad behavior because she was worried about my ‘spark.'”
“And while I didn’t become the most socially elegant person in the world, trust me when I say your peer group will iron out the worst habits that your parents won’t, and they won’t do it kindly.”
“At some point, if you maintain certain habits, it’s just willful rudeness.” ~ terraformthesoul
“The part that kind of blows my mind is that OP said mom thinks it’s ‘not his (the son’s) fault’ because ‘that’s just how he is.'”
“Like… she thinks he doesn’t have agency and can’t control himself??”
“Just because he’s her son?”
“I can’t imagine she just puts up with that kind of behavior from everyone.”
“Also, you can have a sense of humor while also knowing your audience, ‘reading the room,’ context, etc., and ALSO not run a joke into the ground.”
“Like if he occasionally belched at a meal to draw laughs – with the right audience in the right situation – it would be fine.”
“The fact that he did it at all at a fancy restaurant while meeting his girlfriend’s parents for the first time is already kind of cringe.”
“But I could imagine a situation where he is getting along fine with everyone, and there’s a good ‘vibe’ going and he does it just to be funny.”
“Might be risky depending on the people, but that’s why it’s important to know how to read the situation.”
“If you aren’t sure, don’t do it.”
“But the fact that he kept doing it??”
“All throughout the meal?!”
“Yeah, that’s… dumb AF behavior from a teenager, let alone someone that age.”
“Even if they were cool with it the first time, continuing to belch the rest of the meal would be obnoxious and make it not funny anymore.”
“OP is NTA for laughing.”
“I would have laughed too.”
“But also… cringy as hell.”
“Maybe a little bit of secondhand embarrassment. Lol.” ~ Broken_Petite
“Holy crap. NTA.”
“I was expecting 16 as well.”
“Has he never seen other people eat while out?”
“Did he never notice his friends and others don’t behave like this?”
“I’m glad the girlfriend laid into him about it.” ~ Disastrous-Nail-640
“NTA. Actions have consequences.”
“You told him multiple times.”
“Your wife babied him.”
“This is the direct result.”
“You and your wife care less than his girlfriend or her parents.”
“What if he goes to a business lunch or dinner and this happens?” ~ Vandreeson
“NTA and honestly- this is good for him.”
“Something different but similar in a way happened to me.”
“I wasn’t used to being given or made things as a kid and was very awkward from an abusive situation.”
“I didn’t say thank you as often as I could have (not out of disrespect, more out of fear and on the spectrum awkwardness).”
“One day, my exes mom made me food and mentioned that it was odd that I didn’t say thank you.”
“I was like 18/19, and for some reason, that made it all click in my head.”
“Now I say it possibly too much, but that awkward moment really woke me up.” ~ Lanthemandragoran
“NTA. Your wife is everything wrong with parents today.”
“They see their kids as special individuals, as opposed to members of society.”
“Your son is going to have a rough go of it in real life.”
“Can’t wait until he is at an important lunch for work or dinner with colleagues.”
“Toast in the real world.”
“Sorry for being harsh.”
“Just seeing more and more of this type of ‘opting out’ of society and a shared sense of cultural norms, it working out TERRIBLY!” ~ Weary-View-1515
“NTA. OP, to vote this way, I’m taking a leap of faith that you and his doctor have eliminated the possibility that your son has a medical issue and am assuming he’s just an immature and poorly socialized young man.”
“Sadly, I have known a few young men who think they can belch and fart around girlfriends (and their parents) the same as they do with frat brothers.”
“Still, consider apologizing for laughing at his situation and introduce him to the Art of Manliness website.” ~ lonnielee3
“NTA. You laughed at something that was completely predictable and really shouldn’t have surprised him.”
“He needed to be laughed at since he still hasn’t learned and is blaming the GF.”
“His mother has coddled him for so long, and he’s so thick that he’ll have to learn this the hard way again and again until he finally realizes that the problem is with him and not with other people.” ~ extinct_diplodocus
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You laughed at the inevitable.
Hopefully, this was a valuable life lesson for your son and his mother.
Manners matter, and people sometimes learn that lesson too late.