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Woman Called ‘Selfish’ By Her Boyfriend For Refusing To Donate Her Vacation Fund To Charity

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When it comes to finances, Redditor throwawayslmh and her boyfriend don’t see eye to eye.

She saves her money while he lends it to friends who are in a pinch. The boyfriend also makes donations to various charities.

The couple got into a “massive fight” when she announced she wanted to take a vacation with her family after not having traveled for three years.

But he seemed to have other ideas on where that money could go.

She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:

“AITA for not donating my vacation money?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My bf(26 Male) is very generous to everyone regarding money. He loans friends money that they never pay back since they are always living paycheck to paycheck and he forgives them and keeps giving them money when they ask.”

“He also donated to charities and volunteers a lot at food banks and shelters and the like. He was homeless as a teenager and was helped by them so I understand but he is often late on rent and than rants about how his landlord is the root of all evil because he is a greedy capitalist.”

“I think he’s irresponsible but at least his money is going somewhere useful unlike my exs who buy Gucci bags and complain about not being able to afford rent but it’s still irresponsible.”

“I work a normal office job and save up my money. We have lots of arguments about how I spend my money, like I bought a used Toyota to replace my 12 year old car and he preached to me that I should donate my money and that using that money on myself (when I’m a white, straight woman living in Canada) is selfish.”

“I also got a bunch of crap when I bring home any new clothes or shoes. I’m told constantly about the harm of fast fashion (but I don’t buy fast fashion) and that I should be buying everything second hand(I don’t want second hand underwear and bras).”

“I got the same thing when I bought a duplex about how I was playing into the capitalist agenda which is why we don’t live together, if I ask him to pay his share I’m sure I’m going to hear it again.”

“I find it’s very annoying but on the other hand my previous exs have been greedy f*kboys so I just let it go.”

“We just had a massive fight over me wanting to go on vacation to Hawaii with my mom and sister now that we all have shots and travel is starting again.”

“I haven’t been on vacation in 3 years and need time to rewind but as soon as I told him he told me I was selfish and I should donate my money to x because I’m already privileged.”

“I told him I earned that money from working and I deserve to enjoy myself and he told me some people don’t get to eat so I shouldn’t spend money on frivolous things. I’m still giving on the trip but he’s soured the trip for me and I now feel guilty.”

Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:

  • NTA – Not the A**hole
  • YTA – You’re the A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everybody Sucks Here

Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.

“NTA. You two are not a compatible couple. How you spend, budget, and save your money is a HUGE part of compatibility.”

“My ex wanted everything, NOW. Where as I wanted to plan, budget, and save for things.”

“In the end we’d still get the thing, whatever it was, just that doing it my way meant not paying interest on cc charges. I think he hated how ‘controlling’ I was about money like that.” – sociablemonkey74

“This 💯. There is no compatibility here. You have different values and this won’t change unless one of you changes.”

“But your values are as ingrained as his. You aren’t wrong for wanting to enjoy yourself. NTA.” – giantbrownguy

“NTA. Where is this relationship actually going for you? Just because he’s slightly less awful than previous partners does not mean he’s a good fit for you.” – Kernowek1066

The OP responded:

“It weird because everyone on Reddit is telling me he’s not being a good person but everyone irl is always singing his praises.”

“I’m sure it’s partly because he gives them all money but I wonder if he gets a high from everyone praising him all the time.”

The judgments continued weighing in with their thoughts.

“I doubt anybody who gets regular money from him will talk badly about him where he can hear it. That would stop the cash flow. Also, they don’t see how he is trying to influence you and even if they do, him winning the argument probably means they get more cash from him so why stop him or tell him off?”

“As for getting high on praise, that’s very possible. We obviously don’t know him but there are people like that who are charitable purely because it makes him look good.”

“In that light it would also provide a different reason why he is so desperately trying to get you on board: you are cramping his style. He can’t be the benevolent, generous savior of his friends if you don’t follow his lead and assist him in that goal (aka provide more money).”

“To me he sounds exhausting to live with if he is going to guilt trip me every single time I do something for myself. Before you know it you can’t even get yourself some ice cream in a heatwave because there are starving children in Africa or some such.” – midnighthana

“NTA. You guys aren’t compatible. Where do you see this going?” – HatsAndTopcoats

“Not to Hawaii it seems.” – BlackenedMo

“It’s not just vacation – he gave her a hard time for buying clothes, a car and a house. Like wtf? Those are basic life necessities/goals.”

“He hates paying rent but also hates the idea of paying a mortgage with the goal of owning your own home?”

“I really hope they break up. Imagine if op had a child with him. That child would have their toys given away at christmas and birthdays to less fortunate kids and the child would be made to feel guilty for wanting normal things. It’s nuts!” – PaddyCow

Overall, Redditors thought the OP was not compatible in their relationship and suggested it would behoove the two to go their separate ways.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a New York-based actor and writer. Originally hailing from Los Angeles, he received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese. Disney parks are his passion, and endless cups of coffee are a necessity. Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1