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Mom-To-Be Called ‘Selfish’ For ‘Stealing’ Name From Best Friend’s Baby Who Died In Childbirth

A younger woman holds the wrist of an older woman's hands as she holds a tissue

Some parents hunt for unique baby names; others try to honor part of their past.

Most parents compile a list of names they love and narrow it down.

That doesn’t always mean everyone will love the one they end up using as much as they do.

But sometimes they love them a little too much.

Case in point…

Redditor ComfortableStart8144 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for ‘stealing’ the name of my friend’s baby who died at birth?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Hi Reddit. I’ve been crying for hours, and that’s how I spent the whole day.”

“For a little context: I F[emale] (30) am pregnant with my first child.”

“It’s a girl.”

“I have a stable job and an incredible husband. We got married three years ago.”

“This pregnancy has been a huge happiness for me and my entire family.”

“Now comes the complicated part.”

“My friend Camille and I have been friends since we were little.”

“We went through a lot together.”

“Happiness, sadness, complicated family moments.”

“Literally a lifetime together.”

“Camille became pregnant two years ago, and unfortunately, the baby died during childbirth.”

“She had been struggling with fertility issues, and her pregnancy had been difficult from the beginning.”

“I don’t need to explain how terrible it was for her.”

“She went into a deep depression, and I have helped her in everything I could.”

“She even came to live with my husband and I for a while.”

“Camille had a daughter whom she named ‘Ingrid.'”

“A few days ago, Camille asked me if I already had names for my daughter, and I answered yes, but I wanted to talk to her about it.”

“I told her of my intentions to give my daughter the middle name ‘Ingrid.'”

“She burst into tears inconsolably.”

“She started yelling at me that I was selfish, a b**ch, an idiot for ‘stealing’ her baby’s name.”

“She yelled at me, saying how could I do that to her knowing what that name means to her?”

“I tried to explain but she wouldn’t listen to me.”

“My reason is simple I want to name it after my little cousin who passed away and was like a sister to me.”

“She passed away after a battle against cancer.”

“I was 16 years old and she was 8.”

“I always knew I would name my daughter after her.”

“Camille knew about my Ingrid and was even at her last goodbye.”

“She spent days drying my tears.”

“When she told me about her baby name I was a little bit upset but I never said anything because I don’t own the name.”

“Since she left she has been posting hints on Instagram about fake friendships.”

“She’s already told her family, and they haven’t stopped filling my phone with messages about how insensitive I am.”

“It was never my intention to hurt Camille, but so many messages made me feel terrible, and I don’t know what to do anymore.”

The OP was left to wonder,

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. She already knew about your Ingrid when she chose her baby name.”

“If anything, she stole the name.”

“And based on her going on Instagram to complain about ‘fake friends’ (which is, in and of itself, a very good sign that she is a drama empress).”

“I would be wholly unsurprised if she used the name Ingrid intentionally.” ~ blanketstatement5

“NTA. I was about to say, ESH for kind of rubbing salt in to wounds but reading to the end made me realize”

“Honestly, you can not steal/own a name.”

“Sorry for her loss and your cousin.”

“I think it is best to give the friendship a break while your friend handles her grief.” ~ chichi98986

“Also, it’s a middle name and wouldn’t be constantly in the friend’s face as something she’d hear all the time, but I don’t know it feels like would be nice as a memorial nod to both Ingrids.”

“But your friend is off the deep end.”

“I could understand this as a first-name reaction, especially if it’s still not that long ago her baby passed away, but it’s not.”

“It’s a middle name.”

“Middle names in our family are usually nods to departed family or friends.”

“If I had had a daughter her middle name would have been Joan for my Nan, as it is my son was given the Scottish clan name all first-born sons get in my husband’s family as a nod to their ancestors.”

“I don’t know I would be touched personally if I were the friend, but she’s overreacting wildly in my opinion.” ~ hebejebez

“Definitely NTA.”

“It feels weird that she immediately blew up at her about ‘stealing’ the name.”

“I would think OP could have said it was a tribute to both Ingrids who passed, and when she said she burst into tears straight away, I assumed at first it was because she was so moved by the tribute to her daughter.”

“Feels like something is missing here, whether that OP’s friend feels baggage about stealing the name herself and is projecting, or she’s angry that there’s another Ingrid who isn’t her daughter that OP is honoring.”

“It all feels very odd.” ~ Ybuzz

“Grief is different for everyone.”

“I don’t think we get to judge the friend’s reaction.”

“OP is NTA, but compassion would suggest that this isn’t a right/wrong situation, but more of a how can we work this through while respecting everyone’s feelings situation.” ~ shepsut

“OP is using Ingrid as the middle name.”

“It’s not even the first name.”

“So I really don’t know why this is such a big deal.”

“Also, the friend already knew who Ingrid was and still used it as her child’s name, so she’s just being a hypocrite.” ~ Independent-Test8031

“This. OP, your friend’s loss is tragic, and she’s probably still in a deep state of grief.”

“But the difference in your reaction when you learned she intended to use the name she knew you planned to use to honor your cousin and her reaction when she learned you still planned to use the name you always planned to use is telling.”

“I can’t decide what I think it tells.”

“I don’t want to say that she meant to take something from you and is enraged that you won’t submit to it being taken because that feels overly harsh given her circumstances, but that’s what it feels like to me.”

“You did the graceful thing in talking to her about it privately before the name was more generally announced.”

“You can only proceed with grace from here and let others expose themselves as they will. NTA.” ~ ShepCantDance

“My condolences to all parents who have lost their child.”

“It’s something no parent has to experience.”

“I’m not a parent, and I could never fathom the true pain you all must have gone through.”

“On topic, I’d be honored if a friend were to name their baby with my baby’s name (I don’t have a baby).”

“I would treat that child with a bit more attention because even though my baby is no longer here, I could at least imagine how my baby would grow up via my friend’s baby.”

“I understand hearing a familiar name could evoke the trauma for some people.”

“However, for me personally.”

“I would feel honored in this case to have my child’s name live on. NTA.” ~ markle-proof

“NTA. You have a good reason for naming your baby Ingrid.”

“You’re not being hateful or insensitive.”

“In a certain sense, one could argue Camille stole the name first unless she had a good reason for picking Ingrid for her baby.” ~ FancyPantsDancer

“Personally, I think ESH… me and my best friend both had a friend named Oliver who died when we were 10.”

“We both wanted to name our first son after him and agreed whoever had a boy first had rights to the name.”

“I got pregnant first but miscarried. He was given the name Oliver before he passed.”

“And when my friend had her son, she didn’t even consider using the name.”

“Knowing that I would have to see her son and every time be reminded of not only my own son but our friend who passed.”

“I am now of the belief that babies shouldn’t be named after people who pass.”

“OP’s friend and the parents of OP’s cousin would also be reminded of their lost daughter every time they see OP’s child.” ~ soapstoneiris

“NTA. Just respond to these vile texts that Ingrid was your younger cousin who passed away from cancer and that they should keep your name out of their mouths.”

“Probably more scorched earth than you’ll end up doing, but the point is you don’t have to listen to a single thing these people say.” ~ namesaretoohardforme

“NTA, you have a legit connection to that name.”

“I sympathize with Camille and can’t imagine how difficult it was for her to lose her child, but she didn’t really consider your grief about your cousin when she chose that name.”

“It’s okay to let some friendships go.”  ~ Prom_queen52

“NTA. So much tragedy all around.”

“You have such valid reasons for naming your baby Ingrid, plus it is the middle name, not the primary one.”

“I would respond to the people texting you and explain, but with the loss of a baby, emotions are going to run high.”

“It sounds like your friend seriously needs some grief counseling.”

“I hope things get better.” ~ Temporary-King3339

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

While your friend’s situation is tragic and sad, people don’t have ownership of names.

You get to name your baby after your cousin if you wish.

Enjoy your pregnancy.

In the end, your friend’s grief isn’t about you.

Hopefully, she’ll come around.