Trips with just your friend circle—even after marriage or children—have become a niche travel market to rival family, couples, and swinging singles-centered vacations.
With travel packages tailored to specific activities or interests, there’s a trip available for everyone but the severest of agoraphobes. And with RVs as an option, maybe they could even hit the road.
Planning out your next trip with your bestie(s) can be stressful but ultimately worth it.
But what happens if a wrench then gets thrown into the works of your highly anticipated vacay?
Do you cancel, retool, or forge ahead if your planned activities are no longer an option?
A woman asked herself that question and then consulted the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about her decision.
SuccessfulStore4837 asked:
“AITA for not wanting to go on a planned trip with my friend because she’ll be pregnant?”
The original poster explained:
“My friend and I have had a planned girls’ trip in February for over a year now. The whole point of going to this city was to be going out and partying.”
“I’m 24 and she’s 25.”
“Now she’s pregnant and still wants to do the trip. I think we should cancel.”
“The area we’re going to is basically clubbing and outdoor sports activities (like we were gonna be renting ATVs, look at zip lining, etc…). It won’t be suitable for a six-month pregnant woman even if she’s feeling fantastic.”
“I think doing something local and more laid back would be great. And I did tell her that, but she’s not listening.
“She thinks it’ll be fine.”
“I mean, the whole point of this trip was to be drinking buddies and engage in other behaviors it’s unsafe for a six-month pregnant person to participate in. Like we were also gonna ride on ATVs and stuff.”
“It’s not about her not being able to get drunk. Although, yes, partaking in substances was part of the plan, and I’m sorry if that makes me immature.”
“It’s about the feasibility of a six-month pregnant woman wanting to hike to a waterfall in the jungle in the morning and then be out until 2 am at bars (even sober). I don’t view this as realistic.”
“I’m not trying to be a b*tch, but I really think she’s overestimating how much she’s going to want to do.”
“She still wants to go and insists she’ll still be able to go out; she just won’t drink. I just don’t see that happening at six months pregnant. She thinks she’ll be able to get on an ATV and all that.”
“It just doesn’t seem feasible to me.”
“And I’m not going to go out with her and then have her go back alone to our hotel when she’s had enough. That’s not a smart idea in a foreign country we don’t know well.”
“We wouldn’t be out any money if we do cancel within the next few weeks. I would love to reschedule but I figure that’s three years down the line minimum, and even then, dynamics will likely be very different.”
“She says I’m bailing on her and is mad at me.”
“I want to save the money for this international trip and do something local and lowkey for the trip weekend instead.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their moral quandary.
“I might be the a**hole because we’ve had this trip planned for a while and were both excited for it.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The majority of Redditors felt the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. You have no idea what her pregnancy will be like 3-4 months from now.”
“Will she be sick? Angry? Tired? Better to cancel now instead of pushing through when you won’t have fun.”
“I’m with you on this. Her being pregnant totally changes the trip.”
“You will definitely have to make some accommodations for her. I think it’s fair to cancel.” ~ WaywardPrincess1025
“NTA. I planned a beach trip with a friend before she got pregnant. When the trip came, she was five-six months. It was pretty miserable for us both.”
“The cheaper food we planned on eating (sandwiches) were out because she couldn’t eat deli meat. She was exhausted (obviously and understandably) and wasn’t up for much.”
“Once we realized she ended up needing to have a few hours to rest and nap in the room after lunch while I went out, it got a bit better.”
“But 0/10 would not recommend or do again.” ~ MaddyKet
“My sister was so sick during her pregnancy, she had to be hospitalized several times. My other friend was so tired she went to sleep at 7pm every night.”
“I would not want to go on a vacation like that.” ~ WaywardPrincess1025
“My friend threw up about 30 times a day for 7 months—due to hyperemesis gravidarum.”
“That would be super fun while traveling!” ~ _jeremybearimy_
“Right‽‽ Just sipping mocktails, dancing on tables, and throwing up every hour!”
“Then jump on an ATV! No big deal!” ~ WaywardPrincess1025
“Pregnancy affects everyone differently. Some breeze through it while others suffer from morning sickness, preeclampsia, etc…”
“I would cancel the trip and maybe plan a spa day or mani/pedi and a nice girls brunch. NTA.” ~ stinstin555
Some thought no one was being an a**hole (NAH).
“What about a different kind of trip? Somewhere else that might still work.”
“NAH either way.”
“Her pregnancy just hasn’t made the connection to her brain that the current activities would be a no go liability wise. Maybe a spa weekend or something similar?” ~ Federal-Ferret-970
“I was great at 6 months pregnant. I was up late, moving house, painting walls, and renovating. A last trip would have been lovely!”
“Second trimester is often the best. BUT… there’s no guarantee of that, and hanging out with drinking, partying people when you can’t join in probably won’t be super fun.”
“I don’t think you are TA, I actually think NAH.”
“You are thinking ahead and smartly realizing your planned trip and her pregnancy don’t really mix. She is hanging on to her dreams, counting on her last chance to have a break away without planning around a baby.”
“You need to realize that your friendship with her is likely going to change drastically from here on out. Perhaps canceling these plans but making less expensive, cancelable ones instead, so you can still spend time together would be a happy compromise?”
“A new trip she can get excited about, planned without the drinking and maybe with an option of dancing if she’s up for it?” ~ Marki_Cat
“NAH. You had a vision for the trip that doesn’t vibe with your friend’s situation. It isn’t just that she won’t be drinking, pregnancy is exhausting and realistically the trip will be different than planned.”
“I understand her feelings being hurt too though. Could you make new plans that are doable with her being pregnant? Maybe a weekend somewhere more chill?” ~ Appropriate-Energy
“NAH: I agree I would not want to go on a ‘party’ trip with a pregnant person. That doesnt make OP a bad person, just someone who doesn’t want to waste money on a trip where it won’t live up to expectations.”
“Go somewhere else. Book a spa weekend or somewhere not the city with great view. Do something else that will fits better for a pregnant person.” ~ thea**holethrowawa
While a few thought the OP was the a**hole (YTA).
“I don’t think YTA for not wanting to go on the trip, but it sounds like you’re assuming you couldn’t have fun with her at all.
“Could you try and plan something else? Schedule a low-key weekend instead? She probably already feels the pressure of the impending life change and could probably use some support.”
“In all likelihood, she may not be up for much physically, but she could probably use a friend and I think she’d appreciate you still trying to make time for her.”
“She is probably sad that she can’t have the trip she was hoping for. I’m sure you are too.”
Pregnancy is hard. I would just try and be there in whatever way you can be.” ~ cairogold
“YTA—she’s pregnant, not an invalid.”
“She can have a good time without getting pissed. Nobody will stop you from doing so.”
“People saying this or that could happen, well deal with it if and when it does. It also might not.” ~ Sudden-Possible3263
“YTA. Once she has a baby she won’t be able to go on girls’ trips away. This is probably her last opportunity for a while.”
“Would it really kill you to go with her and just take it a little easier if necessary?” ~ harrietschulenberg
“YTA—she can be the designated driver. You don’t have to be drunk to have a good time.
“I went to bars and clubs with my pregnant sister. She didn’t drink alcohol and we all had a good time.” ~ FairyFartDaydreams
While it’s true that a drunken pub crawl isn’t compatible with pregnancy, there are other options for activities in most cities. But it sounds like the alternatives at this destination are physically taxing.
And each pregnancy is unique.
Some people remain active right up until delivery, while others require mandatory, doctor-monitored bedrest for months.
The OP’s friend doesn’t know yet whether she’ll even be able to travel when the trip is scheduled to happen.
Canceling is surely disappointing for them both, but it sounds like it might be the safest option since so much is uncertain right now.
A scaled-back girls’ trip to a more suitable destination to match the OP’s pregnant friend’s capabilities is always an option, even if the original trip is canceled.
Hopefully these friends can arrive at a mutually agreed-upon alternative.