Trips with just your friend circle—even after marriage or children—have become a niche travel market to rival family, couples, and swinging singles-centered vacations.
With travel packages tailored to specific activities or interests, there's a trip available for everyone but the severest of agoraphobes. And with RVs as an option, maybe they could even hit the road.
Planning out your next trip with your bestie(s) can be stressful but ultimately worth it.
But what happens if a wrench then gets thrown into the works of your highly anticipated vacay?
Do you cancel, retool, or forge ahead if your planned activities are no longer an option?
A woman asked herself that question and then consulted the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit about her decision.
SuccessfulStore4837 asked:
"AITA for not wanting to go on a planned trip with my friend because she'll be pregnant?"
The original poster explained:
"My friend and I have had a planned girls' trip in February for over a year now. The whole point of going to this city was to be going out and partying."
"I'm 24 and she's 25."
"Now she's pregnant and still wants to do the trip. I think we should cancel."
"The area we're going to is basically clubbing and outdoor sports activities (like we were gonna be renting ATVs, look at zip lining, etc...). It won't be suitable for a six-month pregnant woman even if she's feeling fantastic."
"I think doing something local and more laid back would be great. And I did tell her that, but she's not listening.
"She thinks it'll be fine."
"I mean, the whole point of this trip was to be drinking buddies and engage in other behaviors it's unsafe for a six-month pregnant person to participate in. Like we were also gonna ride on ATVs and stuff."
"It's not about her not being able to get drunk. Although, yes, partaking in substances was part of the plan, and I'm sorry if that makes me immature."
"It's about the feasibility of a six-month pregnant woman wanting to hike to a waterfall in the jungle in the morning and then be out until 2 am at bars (even sober). I don't view this as realistic."
"I'm not trying to be a b*tch, but I really think she's overestimating how much she's going to want to do."
"She still wants to go and insists she'll still be able to go out; she just won't drink. I just don't see that happening at six months pregnant. She thinks she'll be able to get on an ATV and all that."
"It just doesn't seem feasible to me."
"And I'm not going to go out with her and then have her go back alone to our hotel when she's had enough. That's not a smart idea in a foreign country we don't know well."
"We wouldn't be out any money if we do cancel within the next few weeks. I would love to reschedule but I figure that's three years down the line minimum, and even then, dynamics will likely be very different."
"She says I'm bailing on her and is mad at me."
"I want to save the money for this international trip and do something local and lowkey for the trip weekend instead."
"AITA?"
The OP summed up their moral quandary.
"I might be the a**hole because we've had this trip planned for a while and were both excited for it."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The majority of Redditors felt the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. You have no idea what her pregnancy will be like 3-4 months from now."
"Will she be sick? Angry? Tired? Better to cancel now instead of pushing through when you won't have fun."
"I'm with you on this. Her being pregnant totally changes the trip."
"You will definitely have to make some accommodations for her. I think it's fair to cancel." ~ WaywardPrincess1025
"NTA. I planned a beach trip with a friend before she got pregnant. When the trip came, she was five-six months. It was pretty miserable for us both."
"The cheaper food we planned on eating (sandwiches) were out because she couldn't eat deli meat. She was exhausted (obviously and understandably) and wasn't up for much."
"Once we realized she ended up needing to have a few hours to rest and nap in the room after lunch while I went out, it got a bit better."
"But 0/10 would not recommend or do again." ~ MaddyKet
"My sister was so sick during her pregnancy, she had to be hospitalized several times. My other friend was so tired she went to sleep at 7pm every night."
"I would not want to go on a vacation like that." ~ WaywardPrincess1025
"My friend threw up about 30 times a day for 7 months—due to hyperemesis gravidarum."
"That would be super fun while traveling!" ~ _jeremybearimy_
"Right‽‽ Just sipping mocktails, dancing on tables, and throwing up every hour!"
"Then jump on an ATV! No big deal!" ~ WaywardPrincess1025
"Pregnancy affects everyone differently. Some breeze through it while others suffer from morning sickness, preeclampsia, etc..."
"I would cancel the trip and maybe plan a spa day or mani/pedi and a nice girls brunch. NTA." ~ stinstin555
Some thought no one was being an a**hole (NAH).
"What about a different kind of trip? Somewhere else that might still work."
"NAH either way."
"Her pregnancy just hasn't made the connection to her brain that the current activities would be a no go liability wise. Maybe a spa weekend or something similar?" ~ Federal-Ferret-970
"I was great at 6 months pregnant. I was up late, moving house, painting walls, and renovating. A last trip would have been lovely!"
"Second trimester is often the best. BUT... there's no guarantee of that, and hanging out with drinking, partying people when you can't join in probably won't be super fun."
"I don't think you are TA, I actually think NAH."
"You are thinking ahead and smartly realizing your planned trip and her pregnancy don't really mix. She is hanging on to her dreams, counting on her last chance to have a break away without planning around a baby."
"You need to realize that your friendship with her is likely going to change drastically from here on out. Perhaps canceling these plans but making less expensive, cancelable ones instead, so you can still spend time together would be a happy compromise?"
"A new trip she can get excited about, planned without the drinking and maybe with an option of dancing if she's up for it?" ~ Marki_Cat
"NAH. You had a vision for the trip that doesn't vibe with your friend's situation. It isn't just that she won't be drinking, pregnancy is exhausting and realistically the trip will be different than planned."
"I understand her feelings being hurt too though. Could you make new plans that are doable with her being pregnant? Maybe a weekend somewhere more chill?" ~ Appropriate-Energy
"NAH: I agree I would not want to go on a 'party' trip with a pregnant person. That doesnt make OP a bad person, just someone who doesn't want to waste money on a trip where it won't live up to expectations."
"Go somewhere else. Book a spa weekend or somewhere not the city with great view. Do something else that will fits better for a pregnant person." ~ thea**holethrowawa
While a few thought the OP was the a**hole (YTA).
"I don't think YTA for not wanting to go on the trip, but it sounds like you're assuming you couldn't have fun with her at all.
"Could you try and plan something else? Schedule a low-key weekend instead? She probably already feels the pressure of the impending life change and could probably use some support."
"In all likelihood, she may not be up for much physically, but she could probably use a friend and I think she'd appreciate you still trying to make time for her."
"She is probably sad that she can't have the trip she was hoping for. I'm sure you are too."
Pregnancy is hard. I would just try and be there in whatever way you can be." ~ cairogold
"YTA—she's pregnant, not an invalid."
"She can have a good time without getting pissed. Nobody will stop you from doing so."
"People saying this or that could happen, well deal with it if and when it does. It also might not." ~ Sudden-Possible3263
"YTA. Once she has a baby she won't be able to go on girls' trips away. This is probably her last opportunity for a while."
"Would it really kill you to go with her and just take it a little easier if necessary?" ~ harrietschulenberg
"YTA—she can be the designated driver. You don't have to be drunk to have a good time.
"I went to bars and clubs with my pregnant sister. She didn't drink alcohol and we all had a good time." ~ FairyFartDaydreams
While it's true that a drunken pub crawl isn't compatible with pregnancy, there are other options for activities in most cities. But it sounds like the alternatives at this destination are physically taxing.
And each pregnancy is unique.
Some people remain active right up until delivery, while others require mandatory, doctor-monitored bedrest for months.
The OP's friend doesn't know yet whether she'll even be able to travel when the trip is scheduled to happen.
Canceling is surely disappointing for them both, but it sounds like it might be the safest option since so much is uncertain right now.
A scaled-back girls' trip to a more suitable destination to match the OP's pregnant friend's capabilities is always an option, even if the original trip is canceled.
Hopefully these friends can arrive at a mutually agreed-upon alternative.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.