Redditor throwaway404040401 was recently diagnosed with a condition that prohibits her from eating foods containing gluten.
One of the things she was planning to consume was a birthday cake she had pre-ordered prior to discovering the diagnosis leading to her new dietary health restriction.
Unfortunately, a request for a change in plans did not go well for her and she was faced with a dilemma.
This brought her to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, where she asked:
AITA for asking my friend to make the cake i’m buying Gluten Free?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I was recently diagnosed with Coeliac Disease by my Doctor which means eating Gluten isn’t the most fun thing for me.”
“Before this diagnosis I had a birthday cake purchase marked down with my friend for next month, I recently phoned her to explain my situation and asked if we could make it Gluten free and that i’d of course pay extra if need be.”
“She then begins to go on a tangent about how she’s sick of this Gluten Free fad and how everyone is jumping on it and that she has seen me eat things with Gluten recently (Before Diagnosis) so it can’t be that bad apparently.”
“I was upset and hurt by this and I thought if anyone could understand it’d be someone that cooks for a living but apparently not.”
“I told her if it was too much trouble that i’d just go elsewhere to get a cake which it seemed was the wrong answer too as she told me how she’d given me a slot ages ago and this would cost her money as there was no way she’d be able to get someone to fill it.”
“Should I just take the Gluten Cake for my party and not eat it? I feel like i’m being backed into a corner here.”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following”
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA your friend is being a huge a*hole. Fine if she doesn’t want to make gluten free cake but then she just needs to refund your money.”
“Do NOT trust any cake you get from her even if she backtracks and says she’ll make it gluten free. She sounds like the type to sabotage to try to prove you’re faking it.” – DocJust
“OP note this here!! There are a ton of situations like this, and Coeliac doesn’t always have the instant and dramatic results like anaphylaxis for her to ‘witness’ thus ‘proving’ her point – it’s a risky situation to take any foods from her after that type of rant.” – No-Policy-4095
“NTA at all, and though your friend is definitely more than a bit of an AH for their reaction, I sadly understand where she gets it from as the gluten free craze is definitely a fad thing and there are those who don’t have Celiac disease trumping it up.”
“Just because you’ve had gluten before you knew you shouldn’t doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have it (and it’s not like she gets to watch you suffer on the toilet after having said gluten).”
“Like others are saying, I wouldn’t trust anything she serves you at this point.” – Malacoda85
“1. You need gluten free for a valid medical condition, this isn’t just you buying into a fad, you have a medical condition that can become extremely dangerous”
“2. You aren’t taking this cake as a gift or favor, you are a paying customer whether you are friends or not.” – notahappybunny123
“NTA. You’ve given her a perfectly reasonable choice, as far as I can tell. She can either make you a birthday cake you can eat, or if that doesn’t fit into her plans, she can cancel your order with over a month’s notice.”
“I have a BIL with Celiacs, and make GF pies for holidays. I would encourage you to cancel the order, honestly.”
“The chance of contamination from a normal kitchen in which normal flour is used daily for everything feels really high. You’re not being vindictive, you’re adapting to your new diagnosis.” – MungotheSquirrel
“I would say NTA. You have a medical reason for wanting gluten free.”
“If you order a cake, and, before it is made, say it needs to be gluten free (and are willing to pay for the ingredient substitution), then the baker can choose to make the cake gluten free, or choose to lose your business. The only reason she will lose money, is because she chose to.”
“Honestly, at this point, I would cancel, and not pay, because she will probably bake a gluten cake, and tell you it is gluten free, in order to prove her point that ‘your condition isn’t that bad.'” – Himkano
“NTA, she is not your friend if she wants to have you get sick so that she isn’t inconvenienced slightly. People with celiac shouldn’t have any gluten, not even traces.”
“Even if she’s willing to make it gluten free, her kitchen is not gluten free and you’ll end up with cross contamination.” – sierraj1923
“NTA – Honestly, ask her what her deposit is, pay it and walk away – and frankly consider her not really a friend at all.”
“And NO, do NOT just take the gluten cake and eat it – there’s a reason that you’ve been advised to stay away from gluten. You’re not doing ‘this Gluten Free fad’ – for you this is a serious illness.”
“This will continue to cause problems with this friend if you just take the cake from her, she will continue to ignore your illness, she will harangue you in the future. Stick to your treatment.”
“ETA: By the way, if you don’t pay her, you’re not the a**hole either – a month’s time is plenty of notice. You are not obligated to pay her a penny.” – No-Policy-4095
Overall, Redditors cautioned her against moving forward with the original cake order as they were concerned about cross-contamination in the kitchen–or even worse–the potential for deliberately receiving a non-gluten-free cake as part of an egregious plan for the baker to prove a point.