Smoking cigarettes is such a heavy issue.
Smokers love what they love, but often they don’t think about what they sacrifice.
Nowadays, non-smokers are much more strict with not having puffers all around.
And it can lead to some drama.
Case in point…
Redditor Routine-Customer26354 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
AITA for ‘not letting my mom be a grandma?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I just had a baby and my mother is very excited to have him over, when he gets older and she talks nonstop about it.”
“Which frankly I wouldn’t have a problem with except for one thing.”
“She is a habitual chain smoker.”
“She smokes in her car like nobody’s business.”
“She has a three season room with glass windows that she smokes inside of, so essentially a part of the inside of her house.”
“To this day I have never touched nicotine in my life because the smell of cigarettes makes me sick.”
“It disgusted me as a child that she would smoke with me in the car.”
“And when I’d ask for her to stop she’d just say that she’s the parent and she gets to do what she wants.”
“We don’t let her do this at our house.”
“If she flys in she only smokes outside and isn’t allowed to smoke in our car, which she begrudgingly obeys.”
“I don’t want my child to visit and be surrounded by second and third hand smoke.”
“When I told her this she got very offended and she told me I was depriving her of being a grandmother.”
“I truly don’t think I’m the a**hole, but my husband thinks she’s right and that it would be nice to maybe have a break during the summer and for him to spend time with her.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Funny story – my grandpa smoked and drank when I was about kindergarten age.”
“His doctor told him if he wanted to be around to see his grandkids grow up he should stop doing both.”
“He quit cold turkey and only recently passed at 94. And I got to spend soooo much time at my grandparents house.” ~reese81944
“Yeah my grandfather was a heavy smoker.”
“Like, started smoking as a pre-teen heavy smoker.”
“Smoked in the house right up until I was born.”
“And then my mother made it clear that I would not be coming over for extended visits if indoor smoking continued to occur at that house.”
“He immediately began smoking outside, rain or shine, hot or cold, whether or not I was actually there, because he valued time with his granddaughter over the convenience of smoking in his recliner.” ~ livejumbo
“Tell your husband that the breaks he’d get during the summer could result in health problems for your baby.”
“Second and third hand smoke result in higher incidence of SIDS, respiratory issues, gastric problems, and feeding disorders.”
“Health and safety come first. Your right OP. NTA.” ~ saurons-cataract
“NTA. Your mother is denying herself the right to be a grandmother due to her life choices.”
“It’s ok for her to smoke, but it’s also ok for others to make their own life choices about whether or not it affects them or not.”
“Your job as a mother is to protect your child.”
“This is paramount, non negotiable and a deal breaker.”
“That your own mother does not understand this and worse, is blame shifting her choices into you is unacceptable.”
“Do not waver on this. Do not allow her to manipulate you in this way.”
“You’re not saying she cannot see her grandchild, you are merely making some strong boundaries around the conditions in which this will happen.”
That is your right, and duty as a parent.” ~ SassyPieHole173
“Have a calm conversation with your husband about the dangers of second hand smoke.”
“You didn’t have any health problems but you don’t know what could happen with your son.”
“What if you do let her babysit and your child gets something related to second hand smoke?”
“The two of you would never forgive yourselves and you mother.” ~ Proud_Drawing5898
“I quite agree. As the ‘child’ of two chain smokers I had to make exactly the same boundary for my mother around my child.”
“She didn’t like it.”
“She didn’t like that the roles were reversed and that now she had to obey by my rules and not her’s.”
“I made sure never to criticise her or shame her for her addiction, but I DID stick to my boundaries and refused to be drawn into discussions around it.”
“I would respectfully suggest you do the same.”
“Be gentle with her. She’s an addict – not a pariah.”
“Get your husband’s support on this too.”
“This is not the time for him to do his ‘people pleasing’ to keep the peace – this is the safety and well being of his child at stake.”
“My mother saw my son in my home and while she was there she did not smoke.”
“It nearly killed her but her love for my son overruled her longing to smoke.”
“Interestingly, when my son was around4/5 years of age she stopped and never ever went back to it.”
“Love does some wonderful things to people sometimes.”
“All the every best to you all.” ~ SassyPieHole173
“If you plan on having her visit you you should read up on third hand smoke.”
“You have to layout ground rules which might sound insane but even if she smokes outside she can hurt baby just from what she brings back in.”
“It is advised that she shower every time she returns from smoking but barring that you should at least have her change clothes.”
“My brother had a smoking outfit when he came to visit my newborn, wash hands, and brush teeth.”
“The hair is a huge issue though because it hold all the toxins which is why showering is really the safest bet.”
“But understand how people feel they’re asking too much.”
“It all sounds crazy but it is proven to reduce the chances if SIDS.”
“Third hand smoke is incredibly serious with infants.”
“Maybe you can even share a few articles with her, or have her speak with a doctor so she knows it isn’t just you overreacting.” ~ Noregsnoride
“If you don’t want baby staying with her unsupervised, that’s your right.”
“You don’t have to have a reason but you have a great one.”
“Your husband needs to support your decision.”
“It’s probably not the last time your mom will want something you don’t want to do and giving in to keep the peace won’t always be a viable option. NTA.” ~ gtr187
“If you let your child around your chain smoking mother, it could cause your child health problems for the rest of his life.”
“I grew up with smokers.”
“My whole child hood I had chronic bronchitis, recurring sinus and respiratory infections, and asthma.”
“When I was able, I banned my mother from smoking around me, in my house and in my car, even if she was borrowing it and I wasn’t even with her.”
“She kept breaking that rule thinking I couldn’t tell, I could the second I opened the car door.”
“So I banned her from using my car without me.”
“Once I eliminated smoking from my life, the bronchitis and respiratory infections went away.”
“Still have asthma, and occasional sinus infections (allergies).” ~ badkitty627
“I’m a weed smoker (in California so legality isn’t an issue) and I would NEVER smoke around a child or even a teenager, in the car, in the house, at an event, OR even outside in the backyard.”
“Obviously it’s a bit different than cigarettes, but sometimes I have small joints or even cbd cigarettes.”
“I enjoy cannabis fairly frequently.”
“But there is never a day where I NEED to smoke so badly I’m willing to put someone else’s health at risk for MY choices.”
“Let alone a child.”
“Let alone MY OWN CHILD OR GRANDCHILD.”
“Kids health first always! NTA.” ~ Baph0metX
“She depriving herself of being a grandmother, not you.”
“Reasonable nicotine addicts don’t behave this way. NTA.”
“Edit: I just like to add that I appreciate the anecdotes from Redditors that smoke.”
“My dad was a lifelong smoker and I hated smelling the smoke as a kid.”
“It made me nauseous but I never complained because he had a temper and could be kind of selfish.”
“When I was 12 year old it was all over the news that secondhand smoke could be deadly.”
“He immediately started smoking away from us outside.”
“I literally never saw him smoke again and he died when I was 47.”
“If he can do it this lady can do it.” ~ Accomplished_Sun_258
Well OP, looks like Reddit feels your making the healthiest choices for your baby.
You have to do what you have to do.
Hopefully granny can get onboard and prioritize her own health as well.