Every now and then, we may feel inclined to pitch in, even when no one asks.
Even if we'd rather not, we still go through with it because it's the right thing to do.
That being said, no one should feel obligated to perform such gestures.
Nor should anyone expect them either.
Redditor halloweencupcake15 was recently at a family gathering.
When she found herself in a sticky situation, the original poster (OP) reminded the individual that a usual duty of theirs needed fulfilling.
This alert did not sit well with the person, who wondered why the OP didn't simply do it herself.
Concerned they should have stepped in, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole". (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for bringing the baby to their mom instead of looking after it by myself?"
The OP explained why she felt that changing a dirty diaper was not her responsibility:
"I (20's F[emale]) was visiting my partner's family a few days ago for an early Thanksgiving celebration."
"For context, we've been together about 20 months now."
"He comes from a large family, and has plenty of young nieces and nephews as a result."
"There were eight children under the age of three at this dinner."
"We were hanging out with some of the little ones, and one of them needed to be changed."
"The supplies were close to me, but I didn't think it was my responsibility to handle it - and my boyfriend was nap-trapped by a newborn, so he couldn't either."
"I took the kid over to their mom ('Paige' let's call her) and told her they needed a change."
"She wasn't doing anything when I brought the baby over, just talking to another relative."
"Paige stared at me and was like, 'You had the stuff right beside you. You don't know to change a baby?'"
"I explained that I do, I just didn't think this was my responsibility."
"She told me that 'there are eight babies and toddlers running around here' and that 'everyone has to help out eventually, or nothing will ever get done'."
"Paige changed her own kid, but handed them back to me immediately afterward and proceeded to give me a look for not doing it myself."
"AITA for bringing the baby to their mom instead of looking after it by myself?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**Hole for refusing to change the baby's diaper.
Everyone agreed that, considering the soiled baby was not only not hers, but not even a member of her own family, it was absurd that anyone should have expected her to change their diaper:
"NTA."
"That’s not your baby."
"That baby isn’t even the baby of your family member, or the baby of like, your best friend or something."
"Frankly I think it’d be more strange if you automatically decided it was your responsibility and changed the baby of this person you barely know without asking."- Appropriate-Value54
"NTA."
"I have five kids, and while I would always appreciate someone helping out, I would never 'expect' it or make someone feel badly about not wanting to change a diaper."- Theresnoneedtopoint
"NTA."
"Sorry but I’m never going to change a baby unless it’s previously discussed or I’m babysitting and therefore it’s definitely my responsibility."
"Imagine how this situation could’ve gone if you had changed the baby and the mom didn’t want you to?"
"I would’ve done the same thing as you."- Curious_Contract2172
"Maybe it’s cultural, but I would find it extremely weird if you HAD changed the baby."
"This isn’t a baby you know well or the baby of someone you are close to."
"NTA, at all."
'That mom is entitled and weird."- forgetmeknotts
"Absolutely NTA."
'I have had lots of babies, and I would NEVER expect someone else to change a dirty diaper."
"The nerve!"
"The audacity."
"I would appreciate the help, but never assume someone else should take care of a full diaper."- Character_Log_5444
"NTA."
"Didn't change diapers before I was a parent... still don't plan on changing diapers that aren't from my kid."
"Parents are responsible for care for the kids."- LydiaStarDawg
"NTA."
"I don't know how much you like your boyfriend, but if all his family is this entitled, run while you still can."
"I would've handed her the baby back, or put it in a chair or something and left."- Powerful-Gur-1632
"NTA."
"I love being in Auntie Mode."
"Baby upset or need changing?"
"Back to mom or dad."
"As a mom now, give me my baby to change!"- rpizzey
"NTA."
"Why would she expect to change a nappy when she’s right there!"- wreathand
"The reaction would have been completely different if you were male."
"You're NTA."
"I would never assume a person I barely know would want me doing something like that."
"What if their baby had sensitive skin or a rash and needed extra care?"
"I would have no way of knowing, even with the right gender and lots of diaper experience."- featheredzebra
"'Girl, why are you okay with a practical stranger touching your child's genitals?'"
"Smh."
"NTA."- WashawayWashbear
"NTA."
"I would have handed that baby right back and told her with that entitled attitude she wouldn't ever be getting my help."
"And I love babies- I'm specifically an infant and toddler nanny; they're my specialized age group."
"Why does this woman think that 'family gathering' means 'free childcare'?"
"Eww."
"Don't have kids if you're just going to foist their care off onto other people at every opportunity!"
"Especially people you hardly know."
"Wtf."
"She is a huge AH."
"She is trying to 'come down on you hard" immediately so you never feel like you can question the fact that she foists her kids off onto other people."
"Nope. I'd tell her outright that her attitude is gross."- WildRaspberryPatch
"NTA."
"You weren’t there to babysit."- Katz3njamm3r
"NTA."
"You are helping out by watching the kids; changing them should be up to the parents."- Flimsy-Brick-9426
"NTA."
"I'd be grateful for the break and happy to do the nappy change."- CuriousSeppy
"NTA."
"Not your baby, not your responsibility."- jinxdrain
"No."
"If anything, it's not appropriate."
"I would never expect someone to change my baby's diaper."
"NTA."
"Even my own father asked if he could change my son, because he was soaked and I was napping."- LokiLadyBlue
"NTA."
"Seriously kids are their parents' responsibility, and it’s so annoying when people do not admit that."- Rosemary_017
"NTA."
"Not your baby."
"Not your poop to deal with."
"Literally."
"Mother is effing entitled."
"Don't care that there are 500 toddlers running around."
"As long as I did not birth or adopt any, they ain't mah responsibility."
"Unless I am being paid for childcare duties."
"Easy peasy ham and cheesy."- Excellent-Egg7461
"That exact same mother would shame you for changing without permission as well, NTA."- melancholanie
"Hand it right back."
"NTA at all."- Honest_Cause1477
"NTA."
"She is incredibly entitled to assume you’d change a diaper."
"She could check in to see if in the future you’d be comfortable doing so, but she has NO right to expect it."
"She’s an AH."- Snoo58504
"NTA."
"Paige is lazy and comes over so she can get other people to take care of her kids for her."- TheRoadkillRapunzel
"Heck no where did you sign up for free daycare duties?"
"NTA."- HelicopterFunny3240
"NTA."
"I’m honestly surprised because I’ve found it way more common for parents lately to actually be upset at the thought of someone outside the family changing their child."
"Obviously they know you, but you’re still kinda a stranger to the kid."
"It could be a gendered thing, but if anything I’d be grateful that someone didn’t want to overstep by changing my helpless child who is going to be totally naked and vulnerable."
"I’m not saying changing a baby is sexual or creepy, but you can never assume that every person you know is a safe person to leave alone with a naked and vulnerable child."- Kubuubud
"NTA."
"There may be eight babies and toddlers running around there, but none of them are yours."
"When you have a kid, you'll be responsible for changing its diaper, just like she's responsible for changing her own kid's diaper."-SomeoneYouDontKnow70
"NTA."
"Who's to say that if you HAD changed the diaper, maybe the mom would have freaked out because you don't have that deep relationship yet."
"You played it safe, and we're right to do so."- Tinkertailorartist
The "you were right there" logic isn't exactly unsound, depending on the circumstances.
Changing a dirty diaper, however, is not one of those circumstances.
If there's anything that causes alarm in this situation, it's that any parent could so comfortably dismiss their child's care and well-being onto someone they barely know.
