Childcare is often a sticky subject.
For Redditor specialagentgarbage, a wrench was thrown at her when her ex-husband asked her to watch the baby he was expecting with his new girlfriend.
Yeah.
This pushed the Original Poster (OP) to her limits and to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for not babysitting my ex-husband’s kid”
She went on to explain.
“My [30-year-old Female] ex-husband [32-year-old Male] and I have two children [4-year-old Male, 2-year-old Female].”
“We have been divorced just about 6 months and he is now expecting a baby with his new girlfriend. I’m admittedly not over him. We were together ten years, my entire adulthood.”
“It was and is a messy split. I’m still bitter and hurt about it and he seems to have completely moved on somehow.”
“When we had our oldest, neither of us wanted him in daycare (no judgment, we just didn’t feel comfortable).
“So I stayed home and eventually started my own business that allows me to work 99% remotely.”
“My parents are also local and retired and help me out as much as they can. This arrangement works for me and I get to spend time with both of my kids.”
“Now, ex’s girlfriend is 5 months pregnant and they got in a huge fight because she asked him to tour daycares, and he said absolutely not. He wants her to stay home with the baby.
“None of his kids are to go in daycare (admittedly the ones here do suck).”
“He called me to vent and I listened then he dropped the bomb.”
“He asked if I would be willing to take care of their baby since I’m home with our two and get help from my parents and when I have to take the kids to the office I can because I own it.”
“He mentioned that I know how he feels about his kids in one of these daycares and I sort of lost it on him.”
“It was a year and a half of walled-up anger and hurt and I said some nasty things that I’ve since apologized for.”
“Fast forward to 3 days later, new girlfriend pulled me to the side when I dropped off my kids at their house and asked why I was so ugly about it and why I thought my kids were better than hers, and why her baby doesn’t deserve the same things mine got.”
“I never said that but apologized if anything I said came off like that, told her I’m happy for them (I’m not but pleasantries) but was certainly not going to babysit their kid.”
“She’s a nurse so I get she can’t work from home and doesn’t want to give up her career, but they should’ve thought about that.”
“I left before it blew up again, but ex called me about 2 hours later and asked me to come get the kids because he and his new girlfriend were fighting, and he didn’t want them around for it.”
“I picked them up, of course, and ex texted me on the drive home and asked AGAIN if I would babysit for them for $200/week.”
“I said no, and he called me a bitter b*tch and said I’m being an a**hole because I’m hurt. I don’t see it this way at all, I reiterated that the request is absurd and I would not be talking about it anymore.”
“This was yesterday, and all day today new girlfriend has been texting me and having her friends and family review bomb my business.”
“I’m not worried about it. My clients know my work. Ex-husband hasn’t said anything else but has been shorter with me in our conversations about our kids.”
“So, AITA for refusing to keep my ex-husband’s new baby?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA.
The OP went on to add some additional clarity.
“Thank you for all the support in the comments. I probably can’t reply to all questions, but I will try to answer some as I come across them while I have some free time.”
“A few of the repeat things I’ve seen addressed below:”
“It looks like Google has flagged the influx of reviews for spam and I did call my lawyer to see what she recommends going forward.”
“Yes, my ex was cheating with his girlfriend for some time before we divorced, I don’t know how long exactly and don’t think I want to know.”
“I’m also a licensed professional, so going against her nursing license is a surefire way to make this worse, lawyer will advise on how to proceed.”
Reddit went in on the situation after the update.
“NTA.”
“You are never obligated to take care of someone else’s child.”
“Also if you haven’t actually provided services to her and her friends/family, send a cease & desist letter. It can be defamation.” – NobleCorgi
“I can see why they are divorced! NTA.”
“OP thank god you got out at 10 years and were fortunate enough to start your own business (which you should listen to the comment above and send a C&D- NAL though).”
“Also even if he only worked a 35 hour week, for $200 you would only get ~$5 an hour for looking after HIS child. NO MEANS NO AND IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE!”
“INFO: Also are the daycares rubbish or is it because EX claims them to be rubbish? Also why can’t those bombarding your business look after the child?”
“Here’s a little list of reasons to get over your ex (helped me to keep looking at a list of reasons for my ex but only a suggestion on my part): 🚩🚩”
“He completely lies to his partners. He makes his partners quit their successful careers/jobs. 6 months after a divorce, he has a new baby (clearly not responsible).”
“Won’t take no for an answer (another manipulating factor). Seems to have a traditional family life value (the woman has to stay home with the children).”
“He wants to put another child in the care of YOUR parents- he clearly takes other people’s time for granted (Entitled BS)!”
“Apparently trash attracts trash, as his partner thinks she is also entitled to your time.”
“He is told NO and jumps immediately to petty name calling and hurting you emotionally and mentally (I can’t imagine these reviews helping your mental health).”
“He is now taking his anger out on YOUR children’s wellbeing (being curt in his conversations etc).” – Minute-Judge-5821
“NTA”
“I don’t understand how they can possibly expect you to watch their children. This is not your responsibility.”
“Does he know that you’re still not over him? Asking because it sounds like he could be using your feelings for him to guilt you into this. Stick with a resounding no.” – Tangerine_daydreams
“NTA. And you should consult a lawyer about the review bombing. Sue them.” – raptone50
“You’ve been divorced 6 months and she’s 5 months pregnant…NTA” – NuSheol
“NTA, It is time to get your lawyer involved and file with the police for extortion. When you said you would not care for her gremlin, she tried to take down your business.”
“In my state if a nurse gets a felony no matter what it is for, they get their license suspended, then there is a review to see if they get it back.” – Crazybutnotlazy1983
“NTA. Does he realize if the reviews bomb your business he will have all his kids in daycare?”
“Who are their friends and family who think that having the very recent ex-wife watch their baby is a good idea?”
“$200 a week? That’s nothing to watch an infant. Plus you have 2 kids and a business to run.”
“You must feel crazy. How did their kid become a you problem?”
“Why would they want you watching their kid anyway? God, I have so many questions.”
“You are right. They are wrong. I wish I could hug you or spend the day doing whatever it is that would make you happy during this craziness.” – JinxyMagee
The OP left us with one final update on the situation.
“Second and probably final update for now: Google is removing the reviews. Whackadoodle and her idiot family all have the same last name, so it was pretty easy to see the reviews weren’t genuine.”
“The ones from her friends with different names were removed too because again, it was poorly executed at best.”
“Ex has apologized for her behavior, and apparently, he is “taking some time away,” and she thought he was with me.”
“I have no idea where he went after he left my house Tuesday night when the kids went to bed. He certainly is not staying here. We have only spoken to confirm pick up from swim lessons today.”
“My parents had already planned to have the kids this weekend (ex has a graduation to go to, and I am going to the beach with friends), so I don’t have to worry about where they’re going since ex is effectively homeless right now.”
Time to cut the cord, OP.