It’s always a challenge to navigate boundaries following a break-up, but one Redditor’s post-break-up dilemma really takes the cake.
So, she took her drama to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for some perspective.
The Redditor, who goes by the name of Distinct_Cow96, asked:
“AITA for refusing to drive my ex boyfriend to the ER”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (24f[emale]) broke up with my boyfriend (28m[ale]) of 4 years on new year’s day due to infidelity. Ever since then he’s been constantly calling me, messaging me on literally every social media app and coming around to my house even though I’ve told him numerous times he has to stop contacting me.”
“Last Wednesday at 2 in the morning, he called me repeatedly until I answered and he told me he was in bad pain and felt sick and he thinks he needs to go to the hospital.”
“I told him to call an ambulance if it’s that bad but he said he can’t afford the bill.”
“Honestly I didn’t really believe there was anything wrong with him so I wasn’t really taking him seriously.”
“I asked him what did he expect me to do and he replied that he wants me to give him a lift to the hospital because he’s in too much pain to drive himself. I blatantly refused, told him to call his brother to take him and then hung up.”
“Anyways, turns out he was diagnosed with pancreatitis and he’s been making me feel guilty about it ever since and he’s expecting me to visit him in the hospital ‘to make it up to him’.”
“I’m feeling pretty bad about the whole situation.”
“AITA?”
OP’s fellow Redditors were then asked to make a judgment on her situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And despite the stickiness of the situation, their verdict was pretty decisive.
“He sounds manipulative and psychologically abusive… NTA” —drawingwanderer
“NTA. This man is your ex. Which officially makes him nothing to you. You have no responsibilities where he is concerned.”
“It doesn’t matter that he was really sick, it was his responsibility to get himself to a hospital. You need to change your number and block his, block him on every platform, do not engage with him.”
“Tell him not to come to your house anymore or you will call the cops/get a restraining order.” —thistleandpeony
“As someone who literally just went through pancreatitis he definitely is manipulative. Yea it hurts like hell but he could’ve called his family or a friend, not an ex.” —CrochetWhale
“Nta good riddance, if he has pancreatitis that young it’s probably from drinking way too much. Don’t let him manipulate you into interacting with him.” —dmac66
“Talk about the boy who cried Wolf. Let the ex-boyfriend sit in his little pity party alone.” —TXblindman
“OP, it doesn’t matter if he actually had a real medical condition. He can call his family or an ambulance.”
“Don’t buy into the false guilt.” —Icy_Obligation
“…OP, he will only keep it up as long as you keep reacting. He’s manipulating you.”
“Firmly tell him this is the last time I will respond, stop contacting me immediately or I will press charges. THEN DO IT.”
“PM me if you want support. I’ve been there. ((Hugs))” —lifeasthe5ofus
“…It sounds like he’s getting close to restraining order territory if he’s outright refusing to leave her alone and is showing up at her place.”
“Also, OP is obviously not the a**hole. She has no obligation to help out a person that she’s told repeatedly to stay out of her life.”
“He was just trying to use his own medical emergency as a tool to get her back. He sounds incredibly manipulative and toxic.” —Devilsdance
“Block his EVERYTHING. Number, Facebook, Insta, everything. Have any emails get archives into a special folder before you ever see them.” —BoozeIsTherapyRight
“…He decided to end the relationship with his choice of infidelity. He by default loses ALL the benefits of said relationship.”
“It’s not that difficult if you want someone to be there for you don’t treat them like crap by completely disrespecting them.” —MotherofJackals
“If he tries to guilt you, just think of how hurt you were when he decided to sleep with another woman, and then ask yourself instead if he was in enough pain or did he deserve more. NTA.” —Chef73
“NTA Nearly a month after you broke up with him he calls you and wants you to take him to the hospital. That might be something normal for an amicable breakup, but this is no amicable breakup.”
“He cheated on you! You’ve told him to leave you alone… Has he done that no. He’s been harassing and stalking you on social media.”
“Block him and maybe file harassment with the police in case this gets worse or keep going on… you’ll want a paper trail if you ever want to get a restraining order.” —NoBud8_PrimaryOnion
“NTA. Pancreatitis, hm, tough break, all the more reason to call an ambulance. They can go faster and start an iv for pain meds for him.”
“He’s using any excuses he can find to get you close so he can get back with you. Don’t fall for it.” —Adventurous-Mode-277
“As somebody was has had pancreatitis in the past, and still struggles with pancreatic pain and flares, driving yourself to the hospital is 100% possible.”
“Unless someone is in critical condition with pancreatic inflammation, and needs immediate care, then an ambulance should be called and not bother with contacting their ex of all people. NTA.” —MultipleColoredChloe
“NTA this guy is incredibly manipulative please just cut yourself off from him entirely if he isn’t respecting your boundaries. You cannot have been the only person he could have asked for a lift.” —aceachilleus
“NTA. The ex had several alternatives of ways to the hospital and you have nothing to,feel,guilty about. Consider blocking this guy and moving on.”
“He’s an ex and you don’t owe him the time of day much less all the care and attention he is demanding. He’s moved into harassing and stalking behavior.”
“OP, do a hard cut off if you are serious about not taking him back.” —lonnielee3
Let this be a lesson to us all about the importance of personal boundaries.