Who doesn’t like a relaxing day at the beach with friends?
Especially a day at the nude beach.
What a calming way to completely shed insecurities and be free.
But is a day at the nude beach a pre-relationship activity?
Once people commit, do the shorts and tops stay on?
Because every relationship has boundaries.
Boundaries are inevitable, but doable, with a certain amount of communication.
Case in point…
Redditor FloatingIsland24 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for going to a nude beach without telling my girlfriend?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Yesterday I (20 M[ale]) and two of my friends (23 and 24 M) decided to go to Wreck Beach for the day.”
“My girlfriend (21 F[emale]) had been away for the weekend and so I didn’t tell her I was going, since I wasn’t keeping her updated on everything I was doing.”
“The decision to go was mostly spur of the moment.”
“We arrived, undressed on the beach, put everything away, and spent the day rafting and swimming.”
“Afterwards we ate some sushi and smoked some weed nearby the beach.”
“Nothing crazy, just spending the day with the guys.”
“When she got back and I went over my weekend she freaked out when I mentioned the nude beach.”
“She started accusing me of going with girls, and then told me that no one had the right to see my body but her.”
“This was seriously weird and so I got away for the night, but it’s been a day and she’s still mad.”
“Apparently, she thinks that I ‘borderline cheated.'”
“Should I have asked her for permission first?”
“Would you get mad in this scenario?”
“I honestly don’t know why she’s this mad.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“OMG, if the roles were reversed and a man was saying ‘that no one had the right to see my body,’ the pitchforks would be out.”
“Rightfully so too.”
“I hope you get the same level of support. Absolutely NTA.”
“Hope you were wearing lots of sunscreen though, it’s been hot in Vancouver lately!” ~ Electronic_Fox_6383
“Absolutely! My friend group and I used to frequent a nude beach when we were in our 20s.”
“We were the only young people there, everyone else was over 60!”
“This was also before camera phones, so it was very obvious if people tried to take photos.”
“And if they did, the regular old blokes would chase them off the beach.”
“We actually felt much safer at the nude beach than a clothed beach.” ~ Green_Aide_9329
“I’ve actually seen this situation but from the G[irl]F[riend] P[oint] O[f] V[iew], somewhat recently with the genders reversed and people did side with the guy who was upset.”
“Even further back something similar with a lesbian couple also in favor of the upset partner.”
“People are allowed to have different levels of comfort in a relationship.”
“She can’t control how he behaves, his body his choice, but it’s also her choice if that’s a deal breaker in a relationship.”
“NAH as a whole in my opinion, but you are a liiiittle bit of an AH for not discussing that with your GF at all before going.” ~ Formal_Fortune5389
“NAH. You’re entitled to do what you want but she is entitled to feel uncomfortable about it.”
“I personally would be upset if my significant other went to a nude beach without mentioning it beforehand.”
“Her feelings of discomfort are valid because a nude beach can be seen as sexual.”
“But on the flip side, if you don’t make it sexual then you haven’t technically done anything wrong.” ~ LeafCbear
“NTA. This is (or was) your girlfriend, not your Mother.”
“You don’t need her permission to get naked with your friends and play at the beach.” ~ REDDIT
“Hmmmm… I wanna say YTA but everyone’s views on nudity are different so I’m gonna say NAH.”
“But you and your girlfriend need to have a conversation on your boundaries and if y’all can’t find common ground it may not work out.” ~ newreddituser9572
“The views on nudity are fine but other people seeing OP nude is nowhere near cheating, nor is seeing boobs, butt, and genitals not belonging to her.”
“And especially when she tries to place ownership of OP’s body.” ~ gdex86
“I don’t disagree.”
“But there is a line somewhere there and I’m curious where it is.”
“Is it ok for him to see nude women at the beach?”
“Is it ok for him to see nude women at a strip club?”
“Is it ok for her to get nude wherever she wants in front of whoever she wants?”
“No one has ownership of anyone’s body, but in a relationship normally there are some boundaries for sharing nudity with others.”
“This isn’t meant to be argumentative just wondering where the line is and why.” ~ InternetKitchen3946
“I’d say the main difference between something like a nude beach and a strip club is the nature of the location.”
“You go to a strip club exclusively for sexual reasons, to see naked bodies sexually.”
“Nude beaches are just that, a beach where people can be nude.”
“Naked bodies do not by default equate to something sexual, it’s the context of the location and situation that changes things, which seems to be something these two need to have a chat about.” ~ CatdeBourgh
“Possibly unpopular, but ESH.”
“Her comments are obviously over the top, and they are definitely more of a her problem than a you problem.”
“That said, going to a nude beach is completely normal, but it’s not common.”
“While there isn’t anything sexual about it and you were going good-heartedly, I feel like I would’ve wanted a heads up from my partner that they were planning on being naked in public.” ~ reddyfreddy8D
“NTA – you two seem to have different values, and that warrants a serious discussion.”
“But your body is your choice, and unless there is other evidence of cheating, it seems like you just had a fun day at the beach.”
“As someone who has been to Wreck Beach many times, I can affirm that there is nothing particularly ‘sexy’ about group public nudity.”
“Maybe you have to be from Vancouver to get it, but as long as everyone involved is an adult, I see no issue with this.” ~ PikPekachu
“Looking at both sides of this one, I wouldn’t call you the a**hole, but I would say you’re being apathetic regarding your girlfriend.”
“I do believe you shouldn’t have to give anyone constant updates on where you are or what you’re doing.”
“It’s more that you didn’t consider how your girlfriend might feel about that kind of situation.”
“You yourself might not class a nude beach as a sexual situation, but she might.”
“I understand how you or anyone can get caught up in the moment, but I still would have called her.”
“Yes, she may have insecurities, but where are they coming from?”
“Has she been cheated on in the past? Is it a new relationship?”
“I talked to my husband about it, and when we were dating, I would have reacted in a similar way back then.”
“What I suggest is at least apologizing for not taking her into consideration before going.”
“Then, I would sit down with her and discuss what both of you are and aren’t comfortable with, things that both of you would class as crossing a line or cheating.”
“Open that line of communication and set some clear boundaries for your relationship.”
“It will make you two stronger as a couple.” ~ Kay-Tezza
“No one had the right to see my body but her.”
“WTF… no. It’s YOUR body, not a possession of hers to control.”
“NTA, without a conversation about going to nude beaches beforehand, there was no way for you to know she would be that opposed to it.”
“Generally, going anywhere where people are completely or mostly nude should warrant a conversation beforehand, like a strip club for example.”
“But a nude beach is way different than a strip club.”
“Yeah, some creeps go to nude beaches to, well… creep.. on other people but a very very large majority of people are there to just.. be naked on the beach.”
“It’s not a sexual thing.”
“And definitely not ‘borderline cheating’ because of that.” ~ radiant_kiwi208
“Personally, I think I’d have more of an issue with my partner seeing other people naked than I would over someone seeing them naked, but boundaries are different for different people.”
“You didn’t go to the beach with the intent to look at other women.”
“You went to have fun, enjoy the water and weed, and chill with your friends.”
“There was no ill will at all in going.”
“Sounds innocent enough to me.”
“I understand why your girlfriend is upset.”
“Honestly, I might be too in her shoes.”
“You being naked in public is clearly a boundary for her.”
“If that’s the case, she needs to communicate that calmly instead of casting aspersions.”
“She is definitely overreacting.”
‘The accusation that you ‘borderline cheated’ by going to a nude beach is ludicrous, considering the activities you and your friends took part in.”
“It reeks of a lack of trust.”
“I was going to vote NAH because this superficially seems like a lack of communication over boundaries on her end and an innocent day out on yours, but her reaction is excessive and upsetting. NTA.” ~ jayclaw97
“NTA, a nude beach is not a sex club/orgy.”
“Sexualizing nudity in itself is a different mentality.” ~ Browzingz
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You had a day out with friends.
You’re allowed that.
However, it may be a good time to calmly sit with the GF and have a conversation about expectations.
The longer relationships go, the more things change, hopefully for the better.
Communication will build trust.
Good luck.