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Woman Upset After Partner Tells Her To Stop Cluttering Apartment With ‘Messy’ Rock Collection

A woman holds a jam jar with stones inside on a rocky beach.

Keeping a shared living space clean and manageable with a romantic partner can be a challenge.

It has been a bone of contention for many a love story.

It can be difficult for the partner who was there before to cede a certain amount of control.

Making a shared environment takes work.

Case in point…

Redditor Legitimate-Mess-3744 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for asking my g[irl]f[riend] to cut back on her messy hobby?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My girlfriend collects rocks and bones.”

“Not crystals or anything.”

“She doesn’t think they have any magic powers. They’re just normal rocks.”

“She’s not into astrology or any witch stuff.”

“She sometimes tells me about the rocks and what type of rock they are and it’s usually chert, which seems to just be a type of normal rock.”

“She’s really outdoorsy, and she travels a lot for work, and when she gets back from a project, she has a pocketful of new rocks.”

“The bones are usually deer bones that she finds out in the woods, and she doesn’t have as many of them.”

“The skulls are cool but also kind of creepy, and most of them don’t even have antlers or anything impressive like that.”

“Her favorite bones are shoulder blades and those spine bones.”

“If we go on a hike, she’ll sometimes stop randomly because she’s found a cool rock (that looks like a normal rock you could find anywhere) and put it in her backpack or pocket.”

“Sometimes she asks me to carry them, and I have to put dirty rocks in my pockets.”

“She keeps them all over the house on tables, but mostly in our bedroom on the dresser and on her desk.”

“She used to keep the skulls and bones on the dresser but put most of them in the closet when I said I was creeped out when I would wake up and see a bunch of dead animal skulls staring at me.”

“But she takes some of them out when she’s working at home.”

“The problem with the rocks is that there are so many of them, and it’s starting to make the apartment seem cluttered and kind of messy.”

“If anyone came into our room, they would just see a bunch of random rocks all over the place.”

“The other day when I was cleaning.”

“I put all of them in a nice box so that they were all in one place, and she got really mad when she got home.”

“She says she likes looking at them and seeing some remind her of the different trips she’s taken (even though they all look the same) and she said that they’re beautiful and make her happy.”

“She also likes to pick some of them up and carry them around during the day.”

“I calmly explained that we were running out of space for her rocks and that maybe she could take photos of the pretty views she saw to remind her of her trip.”

“She got really, really mad and said that it wasn’t the same.”

“I couldn’t tell her what to do with her apartment (even though we both live here so it’s my apartment too) I tried to get my friend to commiserate.”

“Still, he said I was being an a** for trying to stop my girlfriend from doing something that makes her happy and that I should be thankful that her hobby doesn’t cost any money.”

“I’m not even telling her to get rid of her random rocks and bones, I just want them put away to make the place look nicer.”

The OP was left to wonder:

“AITA for wanting a clean apartment?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.

“Some people might be content getting quietly stoned every weekend, but your GF is a rock star!”

“Make no bones about it; she’s found a way to turn a mundane outing into a little treasure hunt.”

“YTA for trying to curtail something harmless and fun that brings her joy.”

“It’s clear that you don’t get why this is fun for her.”

“That’s fine, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let her take joy in it.”

“It’s just rocks; it isn’t as if she’s hoarding illegal Iranian yogurt or something.” ~ DueIsland2983

“I kind of suspect that OP’s girlfriend has liked rocks and bones for a while.”

“Her previous space was probably decorated in a similar manner.”

“If he doesn’t like the rocks and the bones, he doesn’t need to continue dating and move in with someone that loves that aesthetic.”

“He should have at least discussed a bone/rock containment strategy before moving in together.”

“It’s also rude of him to remove what she obviously considers decor while she was out of the house.”

“There are definitely much bigger AHs on this subreddit regularly, but I don’t think there’s a way to have the position ‘I am seriously dating someone that has always had a trait I don’t like.'”

“‘How do I make them change this trait they had and I knew about when I decided I was going to continue dating them?’ and not be a jerk.” ~ girlyfoodadventures

“Not an archeologist, but I love anything associated with the natural work.”

“I’m also crafty.”

“I have a mobile I made out of a raccoon jaw bone, little found bottles (dug from a property where an old farmhouse stood) antique sewing scissors, and random rusty bits.”

“I also have a taxidermied alligator head (thrifted) in my kitchen, among many, many rocks.”

“My husband of 22 years doesn’t ‘get it,’ but loves and respects me.”

“That’s why we’re still married.”

“Pick your battles better, OP.” ~ haceldama13

“So I’m a fisherman, and a whole mess of my decide is rocks, skulls, and random ‘cool’ things I’ve dragged up off the bottom of the ocean… some cool fossils, some 88 and 105 mm casings from your boats, not me but someone I know has a mammoth tusk they dragged up off George’s Bank.”

“I also have bits of fishing gear doing its second hitch as home decor, my coffee table is I repurposed lobster trap with a sheet of routed Lexan on top.”

“So I can totally understand her decor choices.” ~ GulfofMaineLobsters

“Yeah OP is definitely the AH.”

“I personally would hate having a bunch of rocks everywhere, too, and the bones would definitely creep me out a lot as well, but that’s why I wouldn’t move in with someone with those interests.”

“You can’t move in with an archeologist who clearly loves decorating with rocks and bones and expect them to change.” ~ anonidfk

“Look, man. Do I LOVE that my partner will pick up any old goddamned rock and tell me, ‘This rock is so cool!'”

“No. I hate them. My house is full of rocks.”

“HOWEVER. I effing love this man.”

“I love his stupid face so much, I do not care about the rocks anymore.”

“I will happily put the rocks in teacups and jars and display them up on a shelf for him.”

“Because it makes him so happy, and seeing HIM be happy makes ME happy.”

“Because, again, love his face.”

“Hate the rocks, but in the long run ‘not having to look at rocks anymore’ isn’t worth ‘not getting to see his big dumb smile every morning.'”

“Ya feel me?”

“YTA; this isn’t how you treat people you supposedly love, man.”

“You’re supposed to take joy from their joy.”

“Every time I see a stupid goddamned rock around my house, I smile.”

“Because I think of him.” ~ Warm_Shallot_9345

“‘She’s an archaeologist.'”

“She keeps the 50 rocks on HER desk.”

“HER desk, not all over the apartment as OP has been implying.”

“Reading his description, I was rather expecting the apartment to closely resemble a gravel pit!”

“Her keeping the rocks contained on her desk rather belies that image.”

“What he sees as plain rocks, she, as someone who has studied rocks and bones, can tell the difference.”

“OP even mentioned ‘She says she can. She can also pick them up and tell me about what they’re made of and how it was formed.'”

“So perhaps they aren’t as random or unimportant as the OP is suggesting.”

“Archaeologists also study bones, fire pits, cookware, wells, arrowheads, etc!”

“She may very well get inspiration and better focus when she can see different rocks or specific bones.”

“The rocks she gathers are gathered when she is away at work. They might be pertinent to the assignments she is on.”

“The area around a dig can be important, too.”

“If the OP wishes to remain in a relationship with this woman, they should discuss moving to a larger apartment where she can have a private office.”

“It would allow her to pursue her work and her interests and not ‘creep’ him out or bother him with the ‘mess.'”

“YTA. What you are calling her ‘hobby’ is work-related, and you should stop demeaning it.” ~ shattered7done1

“YTA and GOD did you bury the lead in this story.”

“She’s an archaeologist and the rocks are on her desk?”

“She can identify each one and where she found it by sight and this is a long-standing hobby???”

“Of course, you’re the problem.”

“You’re being picky and precious about something you knew was part of her life.”

“And then you have the audacity to redecorate a shared space (though your phrasing leads me to believe it was HER space that you moved into, seeing as you only said, ‘I live here too!!!!!’ instead of mentioning that it was a joint rental/purchase) without even consulting her.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if she told you to kick rocks, dude.” ~ Puzzleheaded_Mix4160

OP came back with an update.

“You don’t all need to keep yelling at me that I’m an a**hole.”

“Someone sent me a link to a nice organizing case specifically for rocks that she can keep on her desk.”

“I’m going to get her one of those as an apology gift and see if she wants to put some in a shadowbox.”

Well, OP, Reddit had a strong reaction to your plight.

It’s nice to hear that you saw the error of your ways and found a solution.

Apologies are always appreciated.

Good luck.