College is a time for figuring somethings out about your life. And maybe, just maybe, you get to have some fun and party too.
But for some people, partying can be dangerous. That’s why Solidarityslutts tried to improve the situation for her and her friends.
But the original poster (OP)’s actions have not gone unnoticed, and the administration is starting to ask questions. While OP claims it’s just a harmless group chat, the administration is accusing her of ostracizing students.
Is OP the bad guy for her actions, or is the administration overreacting? The “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit tried to find out.
Part of the problem might be the joke name for the group chat.
“AITA for organizing a “hoe union” of girls in my college?”
But that aside, is there a real problem here?
“Ok I know this sounds silly as hell but it’s seriously got some people angry with me.”
“I’m in a college organization that is also big on partying. It can be fun but sadly it can also be risky, most of my friends and I have had bad experiences.”
“And kinda as a joke I said to my friends that we should unionize. But they were 100% in on the idea. And we started a ‘hoe union’”
“We drew up a list saying we’d collectively skip or leave any party that:”
- “let in or was hosted by a person who had sexually harassed any of us or anyone else.”
- “didn’t let girls mix our own drinks or pick and open their own beers”
- “was racist / homophobic / fatphobic / otherwise bigoted about who they let in or were respectful of at the party”
- “tried to enforce a ‘ratio’ of girls to guys”
- “if the hosts had a reputation or pushing freshmen or inexperienced drinkers to drink heavily”
“And the six of us stuck to it! When we’d go to parties and sh** was … Off, we’d send a group chat message and all just leave for another party or go to someone’s apartment.”
“And we also told other girls at the party about why we were leaving and where, and often had lots more girls leave with us. The group chat grew from us 7 to 36, pretty much every girl in our social sphere was in it or knew of it”
“With all of us sharing info, we all ended up going to parties that were much more chill.”
“It wasn’t strict or anything, like if someone in the group said we were leaving, it didn’t mean anyone was forced to go. But most everyone would anyway because when practically every other girl leaves..”
“But as quick as the chat grew, word that I’d organized it grew too. First, it was a couple guys from frats pissed that their houses were no-gos for us. I told them I don’t make that decision, it’s not a centralized thing”
“But then the school administration got involved? I was called to talk to a guidance counselor and she said that someone had reported that I was leading a group that ostracized people. She said that there was a list of people who, if they came to an event, I’d organize it so every woman left?”
“I said there’s not any list, just a group chat where people have occasionally said that someone harassed them, or a party didn’t seem safe, and then people in the group chat personally decided not to go. But I’m not like… Coordinating things, it’s just the same as when one girl in a friend group is like ‘that guy or that frat isn’t cool to drink around…’”
“And the rest of the group naturally isn’t gonna want to party with them anymore.”
“She said it wasn’t a friend group, she was aware we’d called it a ‘hoe union’ and had ‘rules’”
“I said that it literally is made up of friends. And there aren’t any enforced ‘rules’ it’s all voluntary.”
“I then got frustrated and asked why she thought it was appropriate to involve herself in private conversation that happened outside of school and campus, and left.”
“AITA for making that group chat?”
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for helping create a ‘hoe union’ to protect her friends from poor treatment by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
While OP’s name for her group was maybe a little too jokey for the administration to not notice, there’s not much here to blame her for.
It’s about the safety and wellbeing of young women in an environment that can be very hostile and predatory. OP did a great job finding a way to help women protect themselves.
And most of the comments agreed she was NTA.
“NTA and I’d also argue that they really shouldn’t be involved in whether or not their students are partying with specific people?? Lol like you’re all adults and can choose whether or not to stay somewhere you don’t want to be.”
‘If anything I would encourage all the girls to stop going to parties completely if the school feels the need to referee their choices on if they feel safe or not.” – SpookyBaeMUA
“Right? This isn’t kindergarten where the teacher can say you have to invite everyone to your birthday” – solidarityslutts (OP)
“NTA I think it’s a great idea and great way to keep people safe.”
“Its super weird the administration thinks that it’s a bad thing to keep college girls away from guys who harass or try to take advantage of them, the school should be encouraging things like that.” – Informal-Thought5710
“NTA”
“And if the guidance counsellor comes at you again or anyone else, phrase your comments in terms of safety.”
“‘we’re a group of women who want to be responsible and look out for each other’…. ‘this means we will leave unsafe situations, and escort each other safely home, or to a new venue’” – firefly232
“NTA. You’ve used humour and informal language, but at the end of the day you’ve coordinated a group of young women to help keep each other safe.”
“You should be f***ing commended, not chastised or intimidated.” – superflex
Commenters weren’t the only ones who felt this was a slam dunk for OP not being a jerk. The moderators of the AITA subReddit gave their own thoughts on the matter.
They took down the post, and explained they wouldn’t even give people a chance to call OP wrong.
“We have no interest in providing a space for anyone to be called an asshole for what they do to protect themselves from sexual assault. This is a question of safety and not up for moral debate.”
“These are important discussions to have, but framing them as an issue about morality rather than about the basics of safety does a disservice to everyone.”
“I understand this is an issue you all are passionate about. We are too. Every reasonable human being is.”
“Which is why insisting that we allow even the opportunity for someone to call this person an asshole for protecting themselves is absolutely not a good thing.” – AITAMod
But not everyone is so understanding. And as people have pointed out, OP should not have been surprised that the administration stepped in.
Anyone who upsets the status quo is targeted. Always.
“Of course NTA.”
“But yeah, of course this was going to piss people off. People hate it when you shake the table, and a ‘hoe union’ damn near flips it.”
“There were people, a lot of people from the sound of it, who benefited from a lack of communication and solidarity between the women among their peers. The same way that business owners benefit from a lack of communication and solidarity among their workers.”
“The people who thrived on the old system cry the loudest when that system is challenged. They will come at you in every way they can think of to break this group up and prevent your ideas from spreading.”
“Hold the line. This is a predictable part of the process. Stay safe and keep watching out for each other.”
“Leave that school better than you found it, and graduate with more knowledge and experience than you’ll ever get from a classroom.” – DiTrastevere
“NTA. Do not voluntarily speak to any other university staff or administrators about this; only speak with them if they say you will be punished for not doing so.”
“Anything you say to them could be used against you in an accusation of a Student Code of Conduct violation or, worst case scenario, a Title IX violation.” – Unnecessary_Timeline
“NTA.”
“Honestly you are doing something good, something really good. And im pretty sure that the guidance counselor was given an altered version of the truth.”
“And because of the name ‘Hoe union’, one would assume negative things about your group chat. I think that you should go back to her and explain things. Why you created it. Show her the text messages. Because what you are doing is harmless and helpful” – Plane_Caterpillar486
“Not actually, don’t show her sh**. She’s already come from the perspective of being an antagonist. If any more members of the school administration come after you, tell them to f*** off cuz they’re not protecting the girls at your campus.”
“You ladies are protecting each other, and you’re not going to explain yourself to them.” – JCBashBash
OP is doing the right thing, and found a great way to have everyone help everyone else through solidarity. Keeping women safe is an important cause, one that the administration may want to take more seriously next time.