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College Student Furious After Widowed Mom’s New Boyfriend Tries To Set A Curfew For Him


Losing a parent is devastating.

And losing a parent young complicates the grief.

When you have to try to accept a new “parent,” it’s rarely smooth sailing.

Case in point…

A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for asking mom’s boyfriend to stop trying to parent me?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My dad died suddenly about a year ago.”

“And my mom found this really nice guy that she’s started seeing.”

“I’m 23 M[ale]  and going into my final year of college.”

“My mom’s boyfriend has two daughters, ages 15 and 13.”

“My mom has stepped in to be a mother figure to them, and the boyfriend has stepped into my extended family becoming everyone’s favorite uncle.”

“And while I’m glad everyone else is comfortable, I’m not.”

“He isn’t a bad guy.”

“I’m just still grieving my father, and it feels like he’s trying to replace him.”

“He tries to set rules for me, things like chores and curfew, that my dad specifically didn’t because he thought they were ridiculous for an adult.”

“Boyfriend thinks it’s only fair because I have siblings now.”

“I think it’s ridiculous to have the same rules apply because of our age differences.”

“He’s trying to get me to share my stuff with his kids.”

“They aren’t lacking for anything but he thinks it’s only fair because ~family~.”

“I live in the basement of my mom’s house.”

“I have since i was 15.”

“When you come in the front door there’s a door to the basement and the stairs to go into the house.”

“So it’s pretty separate.”

“So last night I was D[esignated] D[riving] for some friends and got home at 2 am.”

“I had nothing to do until 3pm today since classes aren’t until next week and my new job starts in 2 weeks.”

“So this has never been a big deal with my parents.”

“I shot my mom a text and went to bed.”

“Tonight though, man, boyfriend flipped.”

“I got a lecture and sent to my room and ‘possible loss of car privileges.'”

“I snapped and laid it out for him.”

“I told him I’m leaving the city after I graduate.”

“I told him i’m glad my mom found a new partner but that I am not and will not be looking for a new father figure and he needs to respect that.”

“I told him our relationship won’t be father/son for some time, and that he needs to respect me as an adult or that i won’t want to have a relationship with him.”

“He told my family and they think I’m the a**hole.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA : You’re an adult so the rules shouldn’t be the same for you as they are for his teenage children.”

“Your father recently died and neither him or your mom should be trying to push the step dad role onto you.”

“I completely understand why you’d lose it like that.”

“It still too soon for him to be trying to take your fathers position.”

“He probably means no harm but he has to understand given the circumstances and why you’d feel the way you do.”  ~ CheekaBoomBoom

“NTA. I am not going to try to diagnose anyone I am just going to say this.”

“First; I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your dad. That is very hard.”

“You are too young to have to go without your dad.”

“As far as Uncle Daddy this is nuts!”

“This guy may very well be a great guy but he is giving me red flags all over this.”

“The entire situation is moving way too fast.”

“Is it possible he feels threatened by you?”

“Is it possible he wants to control you and your mom?”

“I think you were well within your rights to lay out the ground rules as far as your relationship.”

“If your mother has any issues with your compliance to the house rules of her home then you and your mom need to have a conversation one on one.”

“I would suggest that said convo be rather frank and that house rules be hers not Uncle Daddy’s.”

“It sounds like you may have lost both of your parents Honey and I am so sorry. I am sorry that your entire family is falling for the company line.”

“Time has a tendency to fade all that is shiny and new. “

“We shall see what appears when it fades. Good luck.”  ~ NotAQuiltnB

“That’s sort of how I’m feeling about this.”

“He’s really trying to assert himself in that home very quickly.”

“Family friend or not, to me, that shows a lack of respect for boundaries and the previous family dynamic.”

Like, ‘I’m the dad now and this is how things will be.'”

“I started to wonder if it was intentional to drive OP away.”

“OP has his own space, is returning to school, has a job that starts soon… really sounds like he needs parenting.” ~ fuzzyp1nkd3ath

“Living at home as an adult is kind of a weird issue.”

“I’m on OP’s side here as I don’t think some dude who has been in a woman’s life for no more than a cup of coffee shouldn’t trying to be parenting an adult child.”

“That being said, in a general sense, if you’re still living at home as an adult, you kind of need to respect your parent’s rules.”

“If you don’t like it, you’re welcome to get your own place.”

“And I’m of the opinion that rules should definitely be relaxed quite a bit (coming home at 3am really doesn’t need to be that big of a deal).”

‘But if they have a rule they won’t budge on, follow it or pack up.’

“I have a huge problem here in that it doesn’t seem like his mom isn’t stepping in here.”

“And his mom should be doing any parenting in this situation.”

“It’s extremely weird that such a short term boyfriend is stepping into an authority role already.”

“It’s actually a little weird to me that dad died a year ago and they’re all already living together, seems pretty quick, but whatever.”

“It kind of makes him look like a controlling nut job.”  ~ Dandw12786

“NTA. Why did your mom move this guy in so quickly after your dad’s death?”

“It’s only been a year.”

Based on other comments from OP, the guy doesn’t live there full time but stays over regularly.”

“I still am curious why she moved on so quickly and why she is allowing this guy to ‘parent’ OP.”

In my honest opinion, OP needs to have this discussion with his mother and let her handle her BF.” ~ REDDIT

“My mom remarried when I was in college after my dad died while I was in high school and my stepdad is never going to be anything but my mom’s husband.”

“Honestly it feels weird to even refer to him as my stepdad, I just do it for simplicity in describing how we’re related.”

“He’s perfectly nice and great for my mom, I just didn’t grow up with him as my father figure; I was already an adult living my own life away from home when they met.”

“He’s not gonna eventually become my new dad.”

“I can see how it might be a little different since you still live at home but you’re leaving soon so it’s not like you’re going to have a long time to develop a close relationship.”

“Plus this isn’t how most fathers would treat their 23-year-old child anyway – he’s not treating you like his child, he’s treating you like a child.”  ~ jeffreybaratheon

“NTA – You’re both adults.”

“He’s the newcomer to the family and should respect your father’s legacy and the traditions of the home, while negotiating changes to suit the new circumstances.”

“He also needs to respect your boundaries, and you are right to make them clear.”

“You get the behavior you accept.”

“He sounds like a good person.”

“But you both need to define your territory a little and you’re certainly not the a**ehole for being the grownup and drawing some lines in the sand.”  ~ breadfruitbanana

“NTA, My mom married a guy when I was in 8th grade.”

“My dad was still alive but they were separated.”

“It was hard for my stepdad to accept that my siblings and I wouldn’t call him dad because we already had dads, but he respected it and didn’t push.”

“My mom tried to get us to, but after some talks she realized we loved our dads even if she didn’t and it was rude to let someone take his place just because she chose them.”

“I still won’t call him dad after 14 years, but I have accepted him as family to a degree.” ~ ErisAlicor

“NTA: you’re an adult, WTF is up with losing car privileges and curfews?!”

“That’s insane!”  ~ AngryFishCake

Well OP, Reddit seems to understand your feelings.

It’s all very complicated.

Death and family is never going to be easy.

Hopefully you can all come to a peace about this.