When it comes to finances and feelings, people can be very fragile.
Especially if they’re a self-proclaimed tough guy.
Nobody wants to be belittled about life choices.
So when some people decide they know better than everybody else, it can cause some serious friction.
And that friction can really burn.
Case in point…
Redditor Playful_Machine5275 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for shaming my ‘alpha-male’ boyfriend about his job?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Around a year ago, I (19 F[emale]) moved to the US for university.”
“In my first week there, I met my now (21 M[ale]) boyfriend.”
“However, six months ago, he dropped out to start a drop shipping business (he was a sociology major for context).”
“I tried to persuade him to stay in school for a backup plan, but he explained to me that the drop shipping market is huge and he’ll make more money than he would if he got his degree.”
“A while ago, I got a waitressing job at a very popular food chain. If I said the name, it’s likely a lot of people would know it (and for context, my work is the first location in the chain).”
“I won’t lie, I make minimum wage, but decent with the tipping.”
“My boyfriend’s business actually makes decent money (around $3000-$4000 per month).”
“This sounds good, but he has a terrible attitude and thinks everyone still in school, has a job paying less than him or doesn’t own their own business is inferior.”
“He also considers himself an ‘alpha male’ and continuously watches business lessons on YouTube shorts.”
“Yesterday, we got into a fight.”
“It all started when I got home from work and was going to tell him about how we got a surprise visit from a worker at our restaurant and was and how we got along so well.”
“The first thing he said was, ‘How old is she? What’s her salary? Hah, must be $7.50 an hour.'”
“I told him that she was around my grandmother’s age, and he started berating her for still working at her age and how she still doesn’t have enough money to retire.”
“I was getting really irritated at him and decided to tell him the rest of my story about her. ‘She and her husband founded the chain, they’re probably multi-millionaires, and they’ve earned more than you will probably ever make with your ‘business.'”
“I definitely said more, but I can’t remember what exactly.”
“I think he started crying because he stopped talking and locked himself in the bathroom.”
“The last thing he said to me was, ‘Can you actually stop shaming me? My job pays for our rent.'”
“I feel so horrible about what I said, but I just thought he needed to understand that making fun of people’s jobs is terrible.”
“I also understand that I do live with him, and his job definitely lets us live more comfortably than the average people our age.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Do you really want to be involved in a long-term relationship with someone who feels the need to put everyone else down in order to feel good about himself?”
“He’s already turning that attitude on you since you make less money than him, and it’s only going to get worse.”
“If you want a happy partnership, look for a man who is capable of respecting other people and regarding them with kindness.” ~ Prodigal_Lemon
“Sounds about right.”
“I met a female friend’s boyfriend who kept having to refer to himself as an alpha male.”
“After a glass of whiskey, he would do nothing but cry.”
“Off the drink, he was the most condescending arsehat I have known for a while.”
“Eventually cheated on a female friend.”
“Note, there is no such thing as an alpha male.”
“Even the guy who coined it when writing about wolves way back in the 70s or 80s immediately retracted it once his paper was published.”
“He spent the rest of his career trying to disprove it.”
“Also, if you subscribe to this alpha male (a cover for being a selfish a**hole) nonsense, then the very act of having to tell everyone that you are an alpha male means you aren’t one.” ~ Happy-Ad8767
“Not only did he retract it, but he also pointed out that the wolf behavior he studied was wolves in captivity – ‘alpha’ behavior is basically jailhouse behavior.”
“OP you are NTA but if your alpha-hole BF keeps watching those ‘Tik-tok Tycoon’ videos, he’s just going to get worse and become the bigger AH.” ~ athenaprime
“Yep. If he did level up financially, he’d dump her for not being good enough for him.”
“He’s setting himself up to be a lifetime gig worker though, always shifting to something new when the bottom falls out of the old thing.”
“In which case, she will likely end up supporting him while he spins his wheels looking for the next get-rich-quick scheme.”
“If he had real business sense, he’d get a degree in supply-chain management or something with higher barriers to market entry.”
“If a 21-year-old dropout can do it, so can anyone else.”
“OP should release this bathroom-crying ‘alpha male’ back into the wild to make space for someone kind who is putting in the work to build a future.” ~ AQualityKoalaTeacher
“NTA – you’re learning what kind of person he is.”
“The kind who looks down on everyone who doesn’t want what he wants out of life.”
“Plus, any guy who thinks he’s “alpha male” is a walking red flag.”
“Doubt you’re compatible as you seem to be open to people and the world.”
“Whereas he’s just sh*tting on it to make himself look better.” ~ Spiritual_Process_87
“100% this!”
“Men that define themselves as alpha males and are into ‘business’ and the like only get worse.”
“He will drag you into that because so-called alpha males have very misogynistic views, and sooner or later, he will tell you how to act, how to dress, and how to live your life and you don’t want to be.” there.
“NTA absolutely.” ~ SnooTomatoes8935
“So let’s get this straight.”
“He shames people because he thinks he’s a successful alpha male, you shame him because he’s a pretentious d**k, and then he shames you because his business is paying the rent.”
“Huh. Lots of shaming going around.”
“NTA. Someone who disses other people shouldn’t be that sensitive.”
“Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.” ~ NatashOverWorld
“NTA. However, any male who describes himself as an ‘alpha’ is very likely an AH.”
“The belittling people is only going to get worse as he goes on.” ~ Front_Rip4064
“Yep, any man who claims to be an Alpha Male is trying to convince themselves of that and behave like AHs to try to prove something to themselves.”
“The true alpha in this story is the older lady who set up the business and is still active in it even though she clearly doesn’t need to be financially.”
“Just getting on with it. NTA.” ~ donaldthejones
“The guy strutting around like a f**king god who clearly thinks you should be grateful for how well his business is doing and belittling others not in that position.”
“If his business doesn’t work out, he’ll be in a weaker position than someone with a degree.”
“I think it’s fair game to put him in his place even if the way you did it was reactive and insulting. NTA.” ~ 40yrMuppet
“Oh, sweet child. First off, NTA.”
“Second, any man that says he is an ‘alpha male’ is 100% certainly NOT.”
“Secondly, the true measure of someone is how they treat those who have less.”
“While I believe the older woman probably has millions, your B[oy]F[riend] did not know that and was very condescending.”
“Who wants to be around anyone like that?”
“In my entire life, the richest people I have known have NEVER looked it.”
“Get rid of this dead weight.”
“He is not good for you.” ~ TheOneAndOnly75
“NTA (mostly). He calls himself an ‘alpha male’ and gets business lessons on YouTube shorts?”
“This sounds like he’s already fallen partway down the manosphere hole.”
“If so, the two of you might have very different expectations about the future of the relationship (do you want a career? Does he expect you to be a S[tay] A[t] H[ome] M[om]?)”
“Worth a conversation about this. Just keep an eye out for any misogyny from him.”
“Criticizing him for shaming a min wage job is okay, but belittling his job as a tit-for-tat move probably went a bit far (although I can understand the temptation when faced with his crappy attitude).”
“I’ve been married for 14 years, but if I had to date now, ‘I’m an alpha male’ would be an instant turn-off.” ~ Red_Claudia
“It seems he wasn’t just judging her but also mocking you in your job as well.”
“That makes him an AH.”
“Yes, he’s done well, but knocking down everyone else working hard, especially if their salary doesn’t match his is horrible.”
“You are NTA, but it’s okay to feel remorse for upsetting him in the course of knocking him down a peg or two.” ~ Dolly1710
“NTA. I’ve seen enough, and now this must come to an end (dun-dun).”
“Get another boyfriend.” ~ t-rex_on_a_bike
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You told your truth.
Maybe it was a little harsh.
But your BF was a bit harsh in turn.
Maybe some emotional truth will do him good.
Good luck.