When it comes to pregnancy, there is no one right answer for everyone. Not everyone will experience it exactly the same, nor will it affect everyone in completely predictable ways.
More importantly, opinions on it will vary from person to person. When Redditor halfelpia was asked if she was going to have a child, her answer was a little hurtful to her sister.
The original poster (OP) asked the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit if she was wrong for expressing her opinion.
“AITA for ‘shaming’ my sister a few weeks after she gave birth?”
The story went:
“I (24F[emale]) am staying with my sister, have been for the past 9 months to help out with my sister (26F[emale]) during her pregnancy, she gave birth via C-section 3 weeks back. Yesterday a few relatives came to meet my sister (who we’ll call Beth) and the baby.”
“So Beth was not really upto sitting with our relatives the entire time (she complained of feeling sick and feeling pains in her stomach) so she often went back to her bedroom, leaving me to talk with the relatives.”
“Somehow my marriage came up in conversation and one of my uncles asked me about my husband. I have been married for 3 years. I told them he was fine and just a bit busy adjusting back to in person work.”
“Then my aunt asked me when I was planning on having a baby, and that having a baby when I would be 30+ was a bad decision, etc.”
This is when things took a turn.
“The thing is that I don’t really want babies. For one I really don’t want to go through the pain of it all. I had been there with Beth during her entire pregnancy and I also went to visit her after her C-section.”
“I’m also very scared about a lot of things about pregnancy. I have body dysmorphia and after Beth’s C-section, she would constantly pick apart flaws in her body. She used to never do that and always used to be very proud of her body.
“So I imagined if she was so insecure about her body after pregnancy, I would be much, much worse.”
“I didn’t want to tell them the whole of it so I just told them that pregnancy would possibly ruin my body and that I wasn’t really upto all the symptoms during pregnancy.”
“They just nodded and carried on talking.”
But they didn’t keep it to themselves.
“An hour after they left, I tried to talk to my sister but she wasn’t opening the door. I didn’t understand why but she would just keep saying that she needed to rest for a bit and asked me to take the baby to her so that the baby could feed.”
“After that she locked the door and told me not to disturb her. I thought it was probably post pregnancy pains or something like that but my mother called me and asked me if I had said that post pregnancy bodies were ugly. I told her I didn’t.”
“She told me to stop lying and that when my aunt called her she told her that I said that post-pregnancy bodies were ruined, etc. She told me that my sister was really hurt by that comment, considering that I had told my sister multiple times her body was very pretty after birth.”
“I was really confused because I didn’t mean that bodies were ruined after pregnancy, I meant my perception of my body would be ruined. I tried to explain that to my mother but she told me that she could do anything about it but it was really hurtful of me to say that.”
“So, Reddit, am I the a**hole for saying that I didn’t want to get pregnant because it ruined how I saw my body? I think I might be the a**hole because my sister is really sensitive right now and I might have shamed her body by that comment even though that wasn’t my intention.”
On the AITA board, people share their stories and are judged for their actions.
This is done with one of the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
While it was voted that OP was wrong in this situation, it wasn’t very cut and dry. There was a lot of debate back and forth over it.
Everyone had their own opinion on it.
“You didn’t say’I’m afraid it will ruin my perception of my body.’”
“You said ‘It will ruin my body.’”
“–> Those are two very different statements. Certainly in the eyes of a new mother.” – Annelisandre
“NTA. She was not talking to her sister. Her sister was not in the room. The only way the sister would have known about the comment is if the aunt told the sister about it (why would she unless aunt wanted to stir up trouble?)”
“Maybe it was not the best thing to say, but she can say whatever she wants about her own body. The real AHs are the mom and aunt for telling the sister and making it into a drama.” – Wearealreadyhere
“NTA- it totally ruins your body lol all these people saying it doesn’t ruin your body are either lying or don’t know enough about pregnancy. You will never be the same.” – Zemilyxi
“No it doesn’t, I have been through 8 pregnancies, is my body different yes, is it ruined no.” – rosejoy0
Others had a different focus on the perpetrator of the drama. The aunt in this story was suspected of being the true pot stirrer.
They recommended OP make up with her sister and not let the aunt divide them.
“NAH to OP and sister. OP’s aunt is acting like a sh** stirring b**ch though.”
“Aunt comes over and asks intrusive questions about OP’s life and reproductive choices, then badgers OP into answering awkwardly. Then Aunt leaves and calls up OP’s newly post partum sister and tells her the answers… just to make sure everyone’s day is ruined?”
“Like wtf? Is Aunt always the family dramamonger?”
“OP, just be honest with your sister and apologize for hurting her feelings (because they are hurt, even if it’s not your fault), but point out aunt did this to you guys. And see Aunt waaay waaay less.” – Born-Pineapple
“ESH. It would have been more considerate for you to just stick with saying that you’re not up for being pregnant.”
“But I think your Aunt is the far bigger AH for stirring the pot by calling your sister and trying to start drama.” – SkylineByline
“Yea the aunt is a sh**-stirrer, especially with the 30+ comment, which isn’t even true. 35 is a milestone for a few defects to be more common, but it’s certainly not a bad decision to have a baby after 30.” – drewmana
“NTA- You were pressured by your aunt to talk about a subject you are not comfortable talking about. You gave a quick answer and hoped she would drop it. She turned around and told everyone a misinterpreted opinion you had about your sister.”
“Unless you specifically said ‘I don’t want to have kids because it messed up my sister’s body’ you were not talking about her (sister) you were offering up your reasoning for not wanting a baby.”
“Mostly I think the issue should be with the Aunt for being in a baby frenzy and pressuring OP into answering a question that OP isn’t comfortable answering. Then the aunt shared this information with the sister and her mom.”
“Unless OP yelled through the house, ‘I don’t want a baby because it totally screwed up my sister’s body.’ Then everything else was interpretation on the aunt’s part.”
“OP I hope your sister talks to you and you can understand her side of the hurt and can work through it. It seems like you care a lot about your sister.” – MombieZ3
OP came back and made an update. She accepted the YTA vote and took steps to try and fix it.
“I understood that my comment was pretty badly received by everyone.”
“I asked my sister if I could talk to her and I tried to talk about last night’s events.”
“She told me she was majorly hurt by the comment. At the end, though, we reconciled because I understood she didn’t hear WHAT I meant, she heard from my aunt that I said that and thought I was talking about it in reference to her body.”
“I’ve apologised still because it was a pretty insensitive thing of me to say.”
“I hope you all have a great day!”
OP found a way to patch things up with her sister, which is great. But there’s still the issue of the aunt causing drama by asking about this and sharing the response without context in the first place.
Hopefully OP and her sister learn to take what she says with a grain of salt in the future.