When we receive an invitation to a wedding, we understand there are certain rules we need to follow.
Some rules depend on the happy couple's preferences, but a pretty universal rule is to not wear white or a wedding dress to someone else's wedding, agreed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
But Redditor DanWantsDeath didn't realize that also meant for costume parties associated with the wedding day.
After seeing the bride's reaction, though, the Original Poster (OP) realized that might not be the case.
He asked the sub:
"AITA for wearing a wedding dress at a wedding?"
The OP was recently invited to a costume-themed engagement party.
"So my friend (20 Female) and I (19 Male) have been friends for a few years. She recently got engaged."
"A week ago, I got a message from her about a small costume party she was hosting as a celebration of her getting engaged."
"I asked if there was a theme and she said there wasn't. I'm a cosplayer so I had a lot of choices."
"I didn't want to rock up in an anime cosplay, so I thought it would be funny to go to an engagement party as Emily Tim Burton's 'Corpse Bride.' I wore a ripped wedding dress and had blue paint all over me."
"I arrived at her house yesterday and everything seemed normal. A few people complimented my costume and I was having a lot of fun."
But the event ended up being much more than a costume party.
"After ten minutes, my friend's fiancé walked out in a black tuxedo and announced this was actually their wedding. Apparently, my friend saw a video of someone doing this and wanted to do the same."
"He asked us all to go to the backyard for the ceremony to begin."
"I went straight to him. I asked him if I should quickly go home and change my outfit and that I would get back before it started."
"He told me it was fine since I didn't know this was the wedding."
"I trusted him and followed everyone outside."
"They got married and everything seemed good. The reception was just in their house again, so everyone just walked back inside and picked up where they left off."
But something was definitely wrong.
"I tried talking to my friend and celebrating with her, but she kept making excuses to not talk to me."
"I assumed it was just because she was tired from the big day and wanted some alone time. I didn't bother her after that and the party soon ended."
"I got home and half an hour passed before my phone started getting notifications."
"I checked and it was my friend texting me. She was cussing me out and telling me how I ruined her wedding."
"I was really confused and asked what I did."
"That only made her angrier. She told me it was basic knowledge not to wear a wedding dress to a wedding."
The groom also lashed out at the OP.
"I reminded her I had no idea it was a wedding and that I asked her now husband if I should change and he said it was fine."
"She didn't respond, but I got a text from her husband. He asked why I would tell her he said it was fine."
"I told him he said it was fine."
"Then he said how I should have changed anyways and it's my fault that the two are now fighting over this."
"I've tried texting her that I was sorry and if I had known, I wouldn't have done it."
"I woke up today and saw she and her husband have blocked me on everything."
"AITA for not changing out of the wedding dress when I found out it was actually a wedding?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some argued the OP couldn't dress appropriately for a surprise wedding.
"NTA. You went to a costume party in costume. You asked if there was a theme, and you were told there was not. You asked the groom if you should change and he said no."
"I suppose the corpse bride might have been an odd choice for an engagement party but I have a dark sense of humor so it would not have bothered me."
"It sounds like the bride may have regretted the surprise wedding. It's not easy to be the center of attention at a costume party and she possibly realized that a bit too late." - LunaLouGB
"I was going with a YTA just by the title alone, as I read along, I'm convinced that you are NTA by a wide margin."
"Your friend and her now husband are huge YTA's and what's more, she is 20 years old and got married (Why get married so d**n young)? How old is the d**chebag that married her?"
"She cannot justify being angry with you based on the sole fact that they specified it to be a costume party, not a d**ned wedding."
"You did nothing wrong, you offered to go home and quickly change and still get crucified for not being informed of what was going down."
"You just liberated yourself from a very toxic friendship, if she did this on her surprise shotgun wedding, imagine what she would be capable of pulling off years from now and you being blamed for it! Not worth the pain and betrayal and years of 'what the f**k' thoughts over this."
"And what's more, she could have easily given you a discreet heads up, keep the secret, and avoid that particular costume and things would've been good, but she is playing the victim and you're the villain in her little head. Nah kiddo, move alone and enjoy life and better friends, you deserve it." - el_electrico73
"NTA. You would have been the a**hole if you had known it was a wedding and wore it."
"But the fact you didn't know, and even offered to go get changed, makes you NTA."
"Have you told your friend that the now husband said it was fine? Plus your friend needs to learn if you surprise people you can't be frustrated at what they wear." - daven1985
"Are they still not talking to you? I need updates!"
"NTA. Nowhere in your post did it explain that you were psychic so that you would know that it was a surprise wedding, or that the bride would feel outshone by a guy in a dress, mimicking a cartoon character..." - 3bags
"NTA, so what I am figuring, is she didn't care probably when you got there until fast forward after the wedding, you got all the attention, not in a wedding dress but a costume, and THAT'S when she got mad. Amirite?"
"I bet you were the hit of the after-party and as more attention focused on you instead of her, I'm sure she just got madder and madder. Have I envisioned this situation correctly?" - MesiRegiB
Others thought the OP would have been safer asking the bride than the groom.
"So... you were not told this was a costume party or anything, just that there was no theme, so you decided to cosplay as a bride? I'm completely failing to understand why you'd think that was okay."
"I will go with ESH. You didn't show up attired appropriately for the engagement party, but your offer to go home and change to be appropriate for the wedding was specifically refused. You and the groom share responsibility for bad decisions at that point." - JsCTmav
"NTA."
"You asked if there was a theme to their engagement party and she said no. You didn't know it was their actual wedding."
"You asked the groom and he said it was fine. I doubt you would have time to change and get back anyways unless you live next door to them. And I don't think a corpse bride is really dressing like a bride."
"Also, the bride knew this was their actual wedding. When you first arrived, she could have easily pulled you aside and asked you to change." - curlyg1rl
"YTA. 'I asked if there was a theme and she said there wasn't' does NOT mean that it's okay to show up in cosplay or a freaking wedding dress!" - Swirlyflurry
"NTA. Maybe your friend assumed that if she had an engagement 'costume party,' people were just going to show up in suits and dresses."
"I have no doubt the groom was fine with your costume until the bride said she wasn't. Then he threw you under the bus so hard that he probably won a stuffed animal."
"They both seem annoying. Again, you're NTA." - holden_mcg
"OP, SOOO NTA! You came up with a Hilarious costume and if I were the bride, I would have LOVED this!"
"This was supposed to be an engagement costume party with no theme, although it was technically wedding related it wasn't supposed to be the actual wedding, and you made it clear that had you known this was the wedding, you would not have worn the dress."
"I am however confused why you didn't ask your friend, the bride, if you should change. Though you did ask the Groom which was a good choice too and he said it's fine. And if we're being honest, it was pretty s**tty of him to lie to his wife and I can tell this marriage is not going to last very long." - GalaxyHeart555
Though the subReddit could understand that the OP didn't know the wedding was happening that day, some still questioned the OP's choice to show up as the "Corpse Bride" to someone else's engagement party.
But the happy couple's reaction made little sense to little one, as they had sprung the surprise on the OP, and excused him from changing his costume.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.