When we receive an invitation to a wedding, we understand there are certain rules we need to follow.
Some rules depend on the happy couple’s preferences, but a pretty universal rule is to not wear white or a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
But Redditor DanWantsDeath didn’t realize that also meant for costume parties associated with the wedding day.
After seeing the bride’s reaction, though, the Original Poster (OP) realized that might not be the case.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for wearing a wedding dress at a wedding?”
The OP was recently invited to a costume-themed engagement party.
“So my friend (20 Female) and I (19 Male) have been friends for a few years. She recently got engaged.”
“A week ago, I got a message from her about a small costume party she was hosting as a celebration of her getting engaged.”
“I asked if there was a theme and she said there wasn’t. I’m a cosplayer so I had a lot of choices.”
“I didn’t want to rock up in an anime cosplay, so I thought it would be funny to go to an engagement party as Emily Tim Burton’s ‘Corpse Bride.’ I wore a ripped wedding dress and had blue paint all over me.”
“I arrived at her house yesterday and everything seemed normal. A few people complimented my costume and I was having a lot of fun.”
But the event ended up being much more than a costume party.
“After ten minutes, my friend’s fiancé walked out in a black tuxedo and announced this was actually their wedding. Apparently, my friend saw a video of someone doing this and wanted to do the same.”
“He asked us all to go to the backyard for the ceremony to begin.”
“I went straight to him. I asked him if I should quickly go home and change my outfit and that I would get back before it started.”
“He told me it was fine since I didn’t know this was the wedding.”
“I trusted him and followed everyone outside.”
“They got married and everything seemed good. The reception was just in their house again, so everyone just walked back inside and picked up where they left off.”
But something was definitely wrong.
“I tried talking to my friend and celebrating with her, but she kept making excuses to not talk to me.”
“I assumed it was just because she was tired from the big day and wanted some alone time. I didn’t bother her after that and the party soon ended.”
“I got home and half an hour passed before my phone started getting notifications.”
“I checked and it was my friend texting me. She was cussing me out and telling me how I ruined her wedding.”
“I was really confused and asked what I did.”
“That only made her angrier. She told me it was basic knowledge not to wear a wedding dress to a wedding.”
The groom also lashed out at the OP.
“I reminded her I had no idea it was a wedding and that I asked her now husband if I should change and he said it was fine.”
“She didn’t respond, but I got a text from her husband. He asked why I would tell her he said it was fine.”
“I told him he said it was fine.”
“Then he said how I should have changed anyways and it’s my fault that the two are now fighting over this.”
“I’ve tried texting her that I was sorry and if I had known, I wouldn’t have done it.”
“I woke up today and saw she and her husband have blocked me on everything.”
“AITA for not changing out of the wedding dress when I found out it was actually a wedding?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some argued the OP couldn’t dress appropriately for a surprise wedding.
“NTA. You went to a costume party in costume. You asked if there was a theme, and you were told there was not. You asked the groom if you should change and he said no.”
“I suppose the corpse bride might have been an odd choice for an engagement party but I have a dark sense of humor so it would not have bothered me.”
“It sounds like the bride may have regretted the surprise wedding. It’s not easy to be the center of attention at a costume party and she possibly realized that a bit too late.” – LunaLouGB
“I was going with a YTA just by the title alone, as I read along, I’m convinced that you are NTA by a wide margin.”
“Your friend and her now husband are huge YTA’s and what’s more, she is 20 years old and got married (Why get married so d**n young)? How old is the d**chebag that married her?”
“She cannot justify being angry with you based on the sole fact that they specified it to be a costume party, not a d**ned wedding.”
“You did nothing wrong, you offered to go home and quickly change and still get crucified for not being informed of what was going down.”
“You just liberated yourself from a very toxic friendship, if she did this on her surprise shotgun wedding, imagine what she would be capable of pulling off years from now and you being blamed for it! Not worth the pain and betrayal and years of ‘what the f**k’ thoughts over this.”
“And what’s more, she could have easily given you a discreet heads up, keep the secret, and avoid that particular costume and things would’ve been good, but she is playing the victim and you’re the villain in her little head. Nah kiddo, move alone and enjoy life and better friends, you deserve it.” – el_electrico73
“NTA. You would have been the a**hole if you had known it was a wedding and wore it.”
“But the fact you didn’t know, and even offered to go get changed, makes you NTA.”
“Have you told your friend that the now husband said it was fine? Plus your friend needs to learn if you surprise people you can’t be frustrated at what they wear.” – daven1985
“Are they still not talking to you? I need updates!”
“NTA. Nowhere in your post did it explain that you were psychic so that you would know that it was a surprise wedding, or that the bride would feel outshone by a guy in a dress, mimicking a cartoon character…” – 3bags
“NTA, so what I am figuring, is she didn’t care probably when you got there until fast forward after the wedding, you got all the attention, not in a wedding dress but a costume, and THAT’S when she got mad. Amirite?”
“I bet you were the hit of the after-party and as more attention focused on you instead of her, I’m sure she just got madder and madder. Have I envisioned this situation correctly?” – MesiRegiB
Others thought the OP would have been safer asking the bride than the groom.
“So… you were not told this was a costume party or anything, just that there was no theme, so you decided to cosplay as a bride? I’m completely failing to understand why you’d think that was okay.”
“I will go with ESH. You didn’t show up attired appropriately for the engagement party, but your offer to go home and change to be appropriate for the wedding was specifically refused. You and the groom share responsibility for bad decisions at that point.” – JsCTmav
“NTA.”
“You asked if there was a theme to their engagement party and she said no. You didn’t know it was their actual wedding.”
“You asked the groom and he said it was fine. I doubt you would have time to change and get back anyways unless you live next door to them. And I don’t think a corpse bride is really dressing like a bride.”
“Also, the bride knew this was their actual wedding. When you first arrived, she could have easily pulled you aside and asked you to change.” – curlyg1rl
“YTA. ‘I asked if there was a theme and she said there wasn’t’ does NOT mean that it’s okay to show up in cosplay or a freaking wedding dress!” – Swirlyflurry
“NTA. Maybe your friend assumed that if she had an engagement ‘costume party,’ people were just going to show up in suits and dresses.”
“I have no doubt the groom was fine with your costume until the bride said she wasn’t. Then he threw you under the bus so hard that he probably won a stuffed animal.”
“They both seem annoying. Again, you’re NTA.” – holden_mcg
“OP, SOOO NTA! You came up with a Hilarious costume and if I were the bride, I would have LOVED this!”
“This was supposed to be an engagement costume party with no theme, although it was technically wedding related it wasn’t supposed to be the actual wedding, and you made it clear that had you known this was the wedding, you would not have worn the dress.”
“I am however confused why you didn’t ask your friend, the bride, if you should change. Though you did ask the Groom which was a good choice too and he said it’s fine. And if we’re being honest, it was pretty s**tty of him to lie to his wife and I can tell this marriage is not going to last very long.” – GalaxyHeart555
Though the subReddit could understand that the OP didn’t know the wedding was happening that day, some still questioned the OP’s choice to show up as the “Corpse Bride” to someone else’s engagement party.
But the happy couple’s reaction made little sense to little one, as they had sprung the surprise on the OP, and excused him from changing his costume.