When you’re married you get to share a lot with the other person. Even the cost of things. But, that doesn’t mean that you get a “buy one, get one free” on everything.
Redditor Butsrslythough encountered this very issue with their friends. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my married friends they aren’t chipping in their share to pay for group activities?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So my close friend group consists of five people, three singles and one married couple. Every time we do something together and need to split the cost, the couple only pays 1/4.”
“A few months ago we all went on vacation together. When we were talking about splitting the cost of the rental house, I said something like, ‘It’s $1,300 divided by five people.’”
“The wife said, ‘No, it’s divided by four since [her husband] and I will be sharing a room.’ I wasn’t happy about it because they were also the only ones who got their own room.”
“The rental had one bedroom, a set of bunk beds built into the hallway, and a sleeper sofa so none of the rest of us had any private space. But I let it go because no one else seemed to object to that logic.”
“Same thing happened when we rented a boat for the day on that trip and happens regularly when we all take an Uber together.”
Then, it started happening with other things.
“Last night we all ordered pizza. It was $60. I had rewards points that I was happy to share so we got $10 off, bringing the total to $50. So I said, ‘It’s $10 per person.’”
“Again, my friend objected. This time, though, I was like, ‘If you guys together are going to eat only as much as one person then fine. Otherwise you should pay for the percentage that you’re going to eat.'”
“Married friend got pissy about it, the other singles ‘didn’t want to get involved,’ and now I’m not sure if I’m being an AH about this.”
“Afterwards, one friend said I should just let it go for the sake of peace because ‘it’s only a $2.50 difference if we split between four and five people.’ True, but that’s not really the point.”
“I’m not trying to be a cheapskate, and I love my married friends to pieces, but like I said, it happens all the time. Not to mention, they’re married so have two incomes and they each make more than the rest of us do to begin with so why should they also get to pay less per person for group expenses?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA and I get you like these two friends, but maybe stop inviting them places.”
“Talk to the other singles about this. I’ve been in a similar situation where a friend and I were going to the beach and rent a house.”
“A third friend kind of invited herself and her son and expected us to divide the cost three ways. No. I’m not paying for someone else’s kid’s vacation.” ~ Lola_M1224
“Rental houses should be split by ROOM. So the master is the most expensive and if someone is in the living room it’s the cheapest. So a $1300 place with one room, bunk beds, and a sleeper sofa should be something like $100 for sofa, $600 split by those with the bunk beds, and $700 for the master.” ~ trilliumsummer
“Totally agree. I was thinking more of just how OP describes how even pizza is expected to be split as though the couple was one person.” ~ Lola_M1224
“Should have had the pizza cut into 4 slices, 1 slice for each paid portion.” ~ GeneralDismal6410
“That is the best result. If it’s split 4 ways by cost, then it’s split 4 ways by quantity.”
“If the husband and wife want separate portions, then the cost is split accordingly.” ~ Caddan
“It would make sense if there were equal number of rooms so that each single had a separate room, but no. And pizza or food costs? You are absolutely right, not like going to Ayce sushi and they only pay for 1 since they’re sharing. Want your own portion, pay your own share.” ~ legal_bagel
“Agree with this! Married couple is paying less and also getting the best accommodation!”
“The pizza argument was on point. It’s not about 2.50 it’s about them thinking that marriage is a buy one get one free pass for life. You couldn’t go to a pizzeria and say, ‘We’re married!’ and get a second serving of pizza for free. They’re just ripping their friends off.” ~ AQualityKoalaTeacher
“House rental aside, they do this for Ubers and other “per person” things.”
“Do they share an ass? Does one partner sit on the other? Wth is their logic in paying once for two people like that?!”
“Two people, two “per”s. Simple. This is seriously one of the dumbest things I’ve seen on here.” ~ birdnerdmo
“Exactly this. What would they do at a restaurant? Eat off the same plate??” ~ merch80
“You’d be surprised. I worked in a restaurant that would add a $4 ‘split plate charge’ for people who wanted to share 1 entree.”
“This covered the restaurant’s fixed costs and they’d plate the 1 meal on two plates all pretty like it was its own real meal. People absolutely lost their shit when they heard they weren’t going to be allowed to eat someone else’s plate scrapings like a dog in a fine dining restaurant.” ~ Agitated_Gazelle_223
“Like a dog? Perhaps sharing food isn’t popular in your culture or in your class, but I don’t think you have to compare them to dogs.” ~ notthefortunate1
OP added an update.
“ETA: Thank you all for your input. It’s odd to me that I’m the only one of the group that sees a problem with this when there’s a pretty strong consensus here in my favor.”
“As for everyone saying they’re altogether bad friends, this is only one snippet of our relationship and is, in fact, the only issue I’ve ever had with either of them.”
“They are otherwise great friends, have demonstrated their willingness to go out of their way for me on numerous occasions (as I would for them) but for whatever reason don’t seem to understand my POV in regards to this one issue.”
OP should ask their friend for an explanation, and see how they rationalize it.