End of life situations are never easy.
But end of life stories involving youth are often the hardest to discuss.
Case in point…
Redditor Inevitable-Brush2686 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for allowing my terminally ill daughter to smoke and drink?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hello, I am the (42) father to a 16-year-old girl.”
“About 3 months ago we found out via a visit to the hospital that our daughter had a late-stage form of brain cancer and were told that survival was not likely.”
“We tried anyway, but despite our best efforts we found no improvement in the cancer.”
“My daughter is aware of this.”
“Well, recently, my wife was looking for a hair straightener my daughter had borrowed and found a few grams of marijuana, an elf-bar vape, as well as a partially empty handle of Tito’s Vodka in her bedroom.”
“When confronted, my daughter confessed to having been using these substances for about a month at that point.”
“She said that since she knew she wasn’t likely going to survive past 18, she wanted to try these things socially, and assured us she was being responsible with them.”
“I myself am a user of these substances, as we live in a legal state.”
“I do not vape, though I do smoke cigarettes, drink, and will occasionally roll myself a joint.”
“While normally I would not want my children using these, I thought I could make an exception due to the circumstances.”
“My wife, however, disagrees.”
“She only drinks a glass of wine every now and then, and dislikes nicotine and marijuana.”
“We had a conversation and came to the conclusion that she would be allowed to do these things under my supervision.”
“As long as they are from retail stores and dispensaries and not street dealers.”
“Though my wife remains adamant she should not be doing them at all.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Hospice nurse chiming in. First NTA.”
Let her experience what she can while she can still enjoy it.”
“I’m assuming she’s either got D[iffuse] I[ntrinsic] P[ontine] G[lioma] or Glioma – both devastating.”
“Just be careful if she’s taking narcotics for pain or benzos for sleep/anxiety.”
“The systemic depression combination of those drugs mixed with alcohol really can be a deadly combination.”
“2nd, try within your means to check off bucket list items for her.”
“It gives her goals and reasons to get out of bed in the morning.”
“See if you can get her with Make A Wish.”
“They don’t just do Disney for little kids.”
“3rd the weed can help with pain and appetite.”
“And 4th, if she doesn’t want to treat, do get her admitted to hospice services.”
“They can be such a help with things you don’t know you need right now.”
“Hospice is not just for the very end.”
“Studies show that people on Hospice live longer than those that do not get admitted till the very end.”
“The goal is comfort and quality of life.”
“Best wishes to your family.” ~ twinmom06
“NTA, it’s important to note on this subject of ‘banned’ substances that late-stage cancer patients are near the top of the list of those experiencing the most impressive results in therapy with magic mushrooms.”
“Of course, these results are achieved in clinical settings.”
“But as I recall, some 80% plus reported a significantly improved quality of life and reduced anxiety six months after A SINGLE DOSE.”
“Needless to say these studies administer a standardized dose, and I believe they begin with a half dose before going to a full dose.”
“Try that with a pharmaceutical anxiety or depression medication.”
“Google magic mushroom therapy research.”
“There’s serious science behind this and I’d strongly recommend you read up on it.”
“Good luck. Chin up.” ~ Getupb4ufall
“I am a San Diego native.”
“As such, I spent many a teenage weekend in Tijuana nightclubs.”
“When I was 18, a friend of mine had terminal brain cancer.”
“In a heartbreaking but beautiful moment, his mom drove him to my apartment so that he could have some effing fun.”
“We drove to the border and walked through the turnstiles into Mexico.”
“He, with his skinny legs and quad cane, made his way into Tijuana at a glacial pace.”
“A cabbie drove us to Revolucion, which is the main drag.”
“He didn’t charge us.”
“The thoroughfare was blocked off to traffic for a holiday.”
“Our driver spoke to the police and got us an escort to the front of a nightclub.”
“We drank and danced and kissed girls.”
“In the end, the cops gave us a ride to the border and we went home in the wee hours.”
“I’ll never forget my friend’s mom watching with tears streaming down her face as she dropped him off.”
“She watched as I helped her son into my apartment.”
“We made that kind of eye contact that silently spoke volumes.”
“She seemed to simultaneously implore me to look after her kid and show him the time of his life.”
“At his funeral, she hugged me and told me that I was a good kid despite being a delinquent.” ~ FatTony394
“NTA. I’m so sorry that you can’t ground your daughter into oblivion and then laugh about it in 30 years when she’s a mom.”
“A little vodka won’t hurt her, and a little weed might help her.” ~AggressivePraline541
“This is such a true and heartbreaking comment.”
“Most parents would be grounding their kids for this ‘looking out for their future,’ and OP…well.”
“I’m tearing up a bit over it, and it’s not even my kid.”
“OP, just monitor if she’s using any of these things excessively.”
“It might mean that she’s in more pain than she’s letting on.”
“Primary pain management should always be discussed with her doctor.”
“Since you’re in a legal state and given her prognosis.”
“If you trust her doctors, you might also disclose that she occasionally uses these substances to better manage her treatment, but that is your call.” ~ JoDaLe2
“NAH. She is going to miss out on so many things.”
“Letting her have this isn’t going to hurt anything.”
“Have you three sat down and made a bucket list with her?”
“I know she probably won’t get to do everything she wants but I’m sure there are a few things you can fit in.”
“And my condolences OP.”
“I can only imagine the heartbreak you and your family are going through.” ~ hyperbolic_dichotomy
“NAH – She should be allowed to experience those things if she wants to, especially since most teenagers do, as long as it’s not excessive.”
“But from what I’m reading, it seems like you’re a great parenting team since you found a solution with your wife that allows your daughter to live those experiences as safely as possible.”
“So I don’t think there’s any AH here.”
“Also, I’m sorry for what’s happening to your daughter.”
“Take care of your family and enjoy every second.” ~ Ka1306
“NTA I’m sorry she’s 16 and dying.”
“This may be an unpopular opinion, in normal circumstances, I would 100 percent be on your wife’s side but unfortunately she’s sick and she’s never going to get to do those things ever.”
“It would be different if she was like 12 but in a lot of European countries 16 is the age you can drink/smoke anyway.”
“I get your wife is scared but I’m kind of on your daughter’s side plus she has to grieve the life she’s never going to have.” ~ tialaila
“NTA. Let her experiment and enjoy whatever little indulgences she cares to do.”
“When we found out my nephew/niece was terminal I took a leave of absence from work and spent the last days with that beautiful little soul and I didn’t care if it was 3:00 a.m. if that kid wanted McDonald’s they were going to get it.”
“The rules change when you have a terminal loved one.”
“The only focus is keeping them happy and comfortable and if occasionally you can make them laugh and smile it makes every moment even more meaningful.”
“Enjoy your daughter and know that I’m sending you and your family every good wish and comforting thoughts.” ~ Jovon35
OP had some details…
“She’s essentially off meds at this point.”
“Myself, her, and my wife came to a collective decision that she’d rather not go through taking a bunch of meds and chemotherapy and whatnot.”
“We figured if she doesn’t want to take them, she may as well not.”
“Though in hindsight, she may have asked to get off of them because of the alcohol.”
Reddit said…
“NTA. Your daughter has little time left.”
“Let her experience what she can.”
“Your wife is like a doctor who refuses to provide pain medication to someone who is dying because they’re concerned about addiction.” ~ Edcrfvh
Oh OP… there are no words.
Reddit is with you.
So sorry that you all have to deal with this.
Your daughter is in our thoughts.