There are certain things we all want in life that we would practically do anything to get.
But when that goal involves another person, we also need to respect their wishes, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor throwawayCo79 realized her new coworker was not going to take no for an answer when he kept pursuing her and accused her of lying about her relationship status.
But when her coworkers even said she was partially to blame for the attention, the Original Poster (OP) wasn't sure how to proceed.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for not wearing a wedding ring and making my coworker think I'm single?"
The OP received more attention than she was comfortable with from one coworker.
"I (30 Female) started working at a company recently. I get along with most of my coworkers but have been having some issues with this guy, 'Morgan.'"
"Morgan, from what I understand, is what everyone calls 'the handsome guy' in the office. He dated two of his coworkers and hit on several others."
"He seemed friendly when we first talked, and he seemed respectable and never asked questions outside of work."
"He offered to buy me lunch, and he also connected with me on the internet and kept sending me funny memes and stuff."
"It was nice but felt like a bit too much, so I asked that he stop, and he did."
Though she asked him to stop, his behavior escalated.
"He started sending me pics of him that were inappropriate."
"I texted him, saying that I'm married and he was being inappropriate."
"He texted back, saying I was lying about being married to get him off my back."
"He then went on about how nice and attractive he is, and how I'm trying to act like I don't like him to get him to try harder."
"I felt frustrated, especially after he kept sending me pics. Days ago, he sent me a d**k pic and told me to 'Suck it.'"
"I decided to let my husband deal with it. He sent Morgan a text back, saying, 'Sorry bud, small objects are a choking hazard for her,' and then blocked him."
This led to an argument at work.
"The other day, he came into the office, looking furious, and 'confronted' me about misleading him by not having a wedding ring on when I'm married (I don't always wear it because of skin problems)."
"I said I didn't need to prove anything to anybody and didn't lead anyone on."
"He said he was trying to get close to me and I should've told him I'm married from the get-go."
"I said I was sorry but maybe he shouldn't have basically tried to enforce a relationship with anyone, regardless if they're in a relationship or not."
"He said that my husband and I were rude and offensive, and then he rushed out."
There was a rift among the coworkers.
"Other coworkers said Morgan was an a**hole but that I too bare the blame for not having my wedding ring on and being somewhat misleading."
"I said I don't think I owe anyone an explanation and refused to apologize for what happened just to keep the peace in the office."
"AITA really for not wearing my wedding ring?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought Morgan's behavior was disgusting and sexist.
"The two coworkers he dated honestly probably did it solely to get him to stop the pursuit. Disgusting, all these poor women having to be around him."
"OP, you are lightyears away from being TA." - eggrollin2200
"You don't need a d**n wedding ring for him to be out of line. YOU TOLD HIM TO BACK OFF. That should have been enough."
"Imagine if you were single and just uninterested in him... Would that make his behavior acceptable? ABSOLUTELY NOT." - Crastin8
"NTA. Honestly, this guy sounds like a sexual harassment lawsuit just waiting to happen. I'd report the whole history to HR. Even though you've already dealt with it, the guy seems to have a history of making unwanted advances to women."
"By the way, it isn't a person's responsibility to broadcast to the office that they are married and no longer part of the dating pool; it's their potential suitor's responsibility to be sure that the people he's trying to date are actually interested."
"In this story, the woman was the target of the unwanted advances and the man was the aggressor, but the rule applies to everyone. Make 10000% sure that someone is interested in your advances BEFORE you make them." - Throw77away77name
"NTA."
"The guy would be an AH even if you were single, because it's not like you must date whoever hits on you just because you aren't taken. It does not matter if you are married or not, and it's not your responsibility to broadcast your relationship status, because you said NO, making it irrelevant."
"Report him to HR for sexual harassment, choking hazard included."
"Depending on the country, his behavior may even be a police case. If yes, do that." - tatasz
"He is saying he might have respected another man claiming you as his personal property if he had stamped his mark on you clearly enough, but he wouldn't in a million years respect your rights as an autonomous human being just because you don't pee standing up." - Signal-Television510
"NTA."
"If he thought you 'were lying about being married to get him off your back' why on earth would he keep pushing??"
"The issue isn't that you pretended to not be married (which you didn't even do!!) but that he can't take no for an answer."
"Whether you are married or not, how he acted is completely inappropriate!" - Jemma_2
"What the h**l is wrong with the coworkers?"
"This player makes the rounds with multiple coworkers."
"He goes after the new person. The new person says, hey dude, not interested."
"He stops for a hot minute, but then starts up again. The new person says, hey dude, I said not interested, here's more info, I'm married."
"Then he claims she's lying?!? And continues to harass her and sends hotdogs."
"The coworkers... obviously, it's all your fault, and you can't blame him because he didn't see the claim stake."
"What universe are we in?"
"OP, please go to HR. He's done this to multiple women, and obviously, everyone else at this workplace is too unprofessional to get why this is a problem." - wildeflowers
Others agreed and urged the OP to report what happened to Human Resources (HR).
"NTA. Immediately go to HR with this."
"He is sexually harassing you at the workplace, and the excuse that 'I wouldn't have harassed you if I knew your vagina was claimed by a different man' is disgusting." - UsernameTaken93456
"I've been worn down like this before whether it's agreeing to a date or even just giving my number to someone because they wouldn't back off. Men like that know exactly what they're doing and his treatment of OP makes it obvious this isn't his first go at sexually harassing a woman, whether it's just in this workplace or anywhere else."
"This 'handsome guy in the office' is literally just a predatory guy in the office and needs to be reported to HR immediately." - BlazingApp965
"You have received an unsolicited hot dog pic from a coworker and peer. This is not acceptable."
"Take that pic right to HR. Your office is not Tinder." - stellablue925
"He didn't know she was OWNED by another man, because she didn't wear her WEDDING SHACKLE to prove she is no longer OBTAINABLE."
"Her saying NO didn't matter, because as we all know, women do not have agency and are all lying snakes until they are CAPTURED and TURNED INTO well-mannered women."
"NTA, as soon as she asked him not to and he refused he became TA."
"Go to HR about him, as well as any coworker who essentially victim-blamed you." - Eveanon
"NTA."
"Go to HR. What Morgan was doing to you would be considered sexual harassment, especially with sending inappropriate texts. Even if you weren't married, you told him you weren't interested, and yet he persisted anyway."
"Also, a 'nice' guy doesn't have to preach how nice he is. It's in his actions."
"Also, it's your and your partner's business whether you wear your ring or not."
"Your husband's a real one for replying to him after Morgan sent you an unsolicited d**k pic." - ElevatorOk8601
"NTA. Is he f**king kidding? He said YOU were rude and offensive after he sent you (a colleague) a disgusting picture of his d**k unrequested and told you to suck it?"
"Wow, this has made my day. Some people live in a crazy world in their heads, don't they?"
"That's grounds for sexual harassment in the office, dismissal, and a lawsuit. What a prick."
"And no, you are not leading anyone on in the workplace by not wearing your wedding ring. How ridiculous. Just like the girl in the skirt is 'leading her rapist to believe she wants sex.' Ch**st. Go to HR."
"By the way, your husband is an absolute LEGEND." - bunkbedgirl1989
"NTA. GO TO HR IMMEDIATELY and keep a record of everything he has sent you so you can show them."
"It p**ses me off that people don't respect your boundaries when you say you're not interested, as if the only reason they would stop is that another man has 'claimed' you, like we're property."
"He needs to learn his lesson. Please update us after you go to HR." - bettleheimderks
The subReddit was disturbed by Morgan's persistence, as well as the OP's coworkers' reactions, accusing her of partially leading him by not wearing her ring.
Hopefully reaching out to her boss or Human Resources would lead to a serious improvement in the OP's workplace instead of further hardships.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.