There are certain things we all want in life that we would practically do anything to get.
But when that goal involves another person, we also need to respect their wishes, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor throwawayCo79 realized her new coworker was not going to take no for an answer when he kept pursuing her and accused her of lying about her relationship status.
But when her coworkers even said she was partially to blame for the attention, the Original Poster (OP) wasn't sure how to proceed.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for not wearing a wedding ring and making my coworker think I'm single?"
The OP received more attention than she was comfortable with from one coworker.
"I (30 Female) started working at a company recently. I get along with most of my coworkers but have been having some issues with this guy, 'Morgan.'"
"Morgan, from what I understand, is what everyone calls 'the handsome guy' in the office. He dated two of his coworkers and hit on several others."
"He seemed friendly when we first talked, and he seemed respectable and never asked questions outside of work."
"He offered to buy me lunch, and he also connected with me on the internet and kept sending me funny memes and stuff."
"It was nice but felt like a bit too much, so I asked that he stop, and he did."
Though she asked him to stop, his behavior escalated.
"He started sending me pics of him that were inappropriate."
"I texted him, saying that I'm married and he was being inappropriate."
"He texted back, saying I was lying about being married to get him off my back."
"He then went on about how nice and attractive he is, and how I'm trying to act like I don't like him to get him to try harder."
"I felt frustrated, especially after he kept sending me pics. Days ago, he sent me a d**k pic and told me to 'Suck it.'"
"I decided to let my husband deal with it. He sent Morgan a text back, saying, 'Sorry bud, small objects are a choking hazard for her,' and then blocked him."
This led to an argument at work.
"The other day, he came into the office, looking furious, and 'confronted' me about misleading him by not having a wedding ring on when I'm married (I don't always wear it because of skin problems)."
"I said I didn't need to prove anything to anybody and didn't lead anyone on."
"He said he was trying to get close to me and I should've told him I'm married from the get-go."
"I said I was sorry but maybe he shouldn't have basically tried to enforce a relationship with anyone, regardless if they're in a relationship or not."
"He said that my husband and I were rude and offensive, and then he rushed out."
There was a rift among the coworkers.
"Other coworkers said Morgan was an a**hole but that I too bare the blame for not having my wedding ring on and being somewhat misleading."
"I said I don't think I owe anyone an explanation and refused to apologize for what happened just to keep the peace in the office."
"AITA really for not wearing my wedding ring?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought Morgan's behavior was disgusting and sexist.
"The two coworkers he dated honestly probably did it solely to get him to stop the pursuit. Disgusting, all these poor women having to be around him."
"OP, you are lightyears away from being TA." - eggrollin2200
"You don't need a d**n wedding ring for him to be out of line. YOU TOLD HIM TO BACK OFF. That should have been enough."
"Imagine if you were single and just uninterested in him... Would that make his behavior acceptable? ABSOLUTELY NOT." - Crastin8
"NTA. Honestly, this guy sounds like a sexual harassment lawsuit just waiting to happen. I'd report the whole history to HR. Even though you've already dealt with it, the guy seems to have a history of making unwanted advances to women."
"By the way, it isn't a person's responsibility to broadcast to the office that they are married and no longer part of the dating pool; it's their potential suitor's responsibility to be sure that the people he's trying to date are actually interested."
"In this story, the woman was the target of the unwanted advances and the man was the aggressor, but the rule applies to everyone. Make 10000% sure that someone is interested in your advances BEFORE you make them." - Throw77away77name
"NTA."
"The guy would be an AH even if you were single, because it's not like you must date whoever hits on you just because you aren't taken. It does not matter if you are married or not, and it's not your responsibility to broadcast your relationship status, because you said NO, making it irrelevant."
"Report him to HR for sexual harassment, choking hazard included."
"Depending on the country, his behavior may even be a police case. If yes, do that." - tatasz
"He is saying he might have respected another man claiming you as his personal property if he had stamped his mark on you clearly enough, but he wouldn't in a million years respect your rights as an autonomous human being just because you don't pee standing up." - Signal-Television510
"NTA."
"If he thought you 'were lying about being married to get him off your back' why on earth would he keep pushing??"
"The issue isn't that you pretended to not be married (which you didn't even do!!) but that he can't take no for an answer."
"Whether you are married or not, how he acted is completely inappropriate!" - Jemma_2
"What the h**l is wrong with the coworkers?"
"This player makes the rounds with multiple coworkers."
"He goes after the new person. The new person says, hey dude, not interested."
"He stops for a hot minute, but then starts up again. The new person says, hey dude, I said not interested, here's more info, I'm married."
"Then he claims she's lying?!? And continues to harass her and sends hotdogs."
"The coworkers... obviously, it's all your fault, and you can't blame him because he didn't see the claim stake."
"What universe are we in?"
"OP, please go to HR. He's done this to multiple women, and obviously, everyone else at this workplace is too unprofessional to get why this is a problem." - wildeflowers
Others agreed and urged the OP to report what happened to Human Resources (HR).
"NTA. Immediately go to HR with this."
"He is sexually harassing you at the workplace, and the excuse that 'I wouldn't have harassed you if I knew your vagina was claimed by a different man' is disgusting." - UsernameTaken93456
"I've been worn down like this before whether it's agreeing to a date or even just giving my number to someone because they wouldn't back off. Men like that know exactly what they're doing and his treatment of OP makes it obvious this isn't his first go at sexually harassing a woman, whether it's just in this workplace or anywhere else."
"This 'handsome guy in the office' is literally just a predatory guy in the office and needs to be reported to HR immediately." - BlazingApp965
"You have received an unsolicited hot dog pic from a coworker and peer. This is not acceptable."
"Take that pic right to HR. Your office is not Tinder." - stellablue925
"He didn't know she was OWNED by another man, because she didn't wear her WEDDING SHACKLE to prove she is no longer OBTAINABLE."
"Her saying NO didn't matter, because as we all know, women do not have agency and are all lying snakes until they are CAPTURED and TURNED INTO well-mannered women."
"NTA, as soon as she asked him not to and he refused he became TA."
"Go to HR about him, as well as any coworker who essentially victim-blamed you." - Eveanon
"NTA."
"Go to HR. What Morgan was doing to you would be considered sexual harassment, especially with sending inappropriate texts. Even if you weren't married, you told him you weren't interested, and yet he persisted anyway."
"Also, a 'nice' guy doesn't have to preach how nice he is. It's in his actions."
"Also, it's your and your partner's business whether you wear your ring or not."
"Your husband's a real one for replying to him after Morgan sent you an unsolicited d**k pic." - ElevatorOk8601
"NTA. Is he f**king kidding? He said YOU were rude and offensive after he sent you (a colleague) a disgusting picture of his d**k unrequested and told you to suck it?"
"Wow, this has made my day. Some people live in a crazy world in their heads, don't they?"
"That's grounds for sexual harassment in the office, dismissal, and a lawsuit. What a prick."
"And no, you are not leading anyone on in the workplace by not wearing your wedding ring. How ridiculous. Just like the girl in the skirt is 'leading her rapist to believe she wants sex.' Ch**st. Go to HR."
"By the way, your husband is an absolute LEGEND." - bunkbedgirl1989
"NTA. GO TO HR IMMEDIATELY and keep a record of everything he has sent you so you can show them."
"It p**ses me off that people don't respect your boundaries when you say you're not interested, as if the only reason they would stop is that another man has 'claimed' you, like we're property."
"He needs to learn his lesson. Please update us after you go to HR." - bettleheimderks
The subReddit was disturbed by Morgan's persistence, as well as the OP's coworkers' reactions, accusing her of partially leading him by not wearing her ring.
Hopefully reaching out to her boss or Human Resources would lead to a serious improvement in the OP's workplace instead of further hardships.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.