There are certain things we all want in life that we would practically do anything to get.
But when that goal involves another person, we also need to respect their wishes, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor throwawayCo79 realized her new coworker was not going to take no for an answer when he kept pursuing her and accused her of lying about her relationship status.
But when her coworkers even said she was partially to blame for the attention, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure how to proceed.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not wearing a wedding ring and making my coworker think I’m single?”
The OP received more attention than she was comfortable with from one coworker.
“I (30 Female) started working at a company recently. I get along with most of my coworkers but have been having some issues with this guy, ‘Morgan.'”
“Morgan, from what I understand, is what everyone calls ‘the handsome guy’ in the office. He dated two of his coworkers and hit on several others.”
“He seemed friendly when we first talked, and he seemed respectable and never asked questions outside of work.”
“He offered to buy me lunch, and he also connected with me on the internet and kept sending me funny memes and stuff.”
“It was nice but felt like a bit too much, so I asked that he stop, and he did.”
Though she asked him to stop, his behavior escalated.
“He started sending me pics of him that were inappropriate.”
“I texted him, saying that I’m married and he was being inappropriate.”
“He texted back, saying I was lying about being married to get him off my back.”
“He then went on about how nice and attractive he is, and how I’m trying to act like I don’t like him to get him to try harder.”
“I felt frustrated, especially after he kept sending me pics. Days ago, he sent me a d**k pic and told me to ‘Suck it.'”
“I decided to let my husband deal with it. He sent Morgan a text back, saying, ‘Sorry bud, small objects are a choking hazard for her,’ and then blocked him.”
This led to an argument at work.
“The other day, he came into the office, looking furious, and ‘confronted’ me about misleading him by not having a wedding ring on when I’m married (I don’t always wear it because of skin problems).”
“I said I didn’t need to prove anything to anybody and didn’t lead anyone on.”
“He said he was trying to get close to me and I should’ve told him I’m married from the get-go.”
“I said I was sorry but maybe he shouldn’t have basically tried to enforce a relationship with anyone, regardless if they’re in a relationship or not.”
“He said that my husband and I were rude and offensive, and then he rushed out.”
There was a rift among the coworkers.
“Other coworkers said Morgan was an a**hole but that I too bare the blame for not having my wedding ring on and being somewhat misleading.”
“I said I don’t think I owe anyone an explanation and refused to apologize for what happened just to keep the peace in the office.”
“AITA really for not wearing my wedding ring?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought Morgan’s behavior was disgusting and sexist.
“The two coworkers he dated honestly probably did it solely to get him to stop the pursuit. Disgusting, all these poor women having to be around him.”
“OP, you are lightyears away from being TA.” – eggrollin2200
“You don’t need a d**n wedding ring for him to be out of line. YOU TOLD HIM TO BACK OFF. That should have been enough.”
“Imagine if you were single and just uninterested in him… Would that make his behavior acceptable? ABSOLUTELY NOT.” – Crastin8
“NTA. Honestly, this guy sounds like a sexual harassment lawsuit just waiting to happen. I’d report the whole history to HR. Even though you’ve already dealt with it, the guy seems to have a history of making unwanted advances to women.”
“By the way, it isn’t a person’s responsibility to broadcast to the office that they are married and no longer part of the dating pool; it’s their potential suitor’s responsibility to be sure that the people he’s trying to date are actually interested.”
“In this story, the woman was the target of the unwanted advances and the man was the aggressor, but the rule applies to everyone. Make 10000% sure that someone is interested in your advances BEFORE you make them.” – Throw77away77name
“The guy would be an AH even if you were single, because it’s not like you must date whoever hits on you just because you aren’t taken. It does not matter if you are married or not, and it’s not your responsibility to broadcast your relationship status, because you said NO, making it irrelevant.”
“Report him to HR for sexual harassment, choking hazard included.”
“Depending on the country, his behavior may even be a police case. If yes, do that.” – tatasz
“He is saying he might have respected another man claiming you as his personal property if he had stamped his mark on you clearly enough, but he wouldn’t in a million years respect your rights as an autonomous human being just because you don’t pee standing up.” – Signal-Television510
“If he thought you ‘were lying about being married to get him off your back’ why on earth would he keep pushing??”
“The issue isn’t that you pretended to not be married (which you didn’t even do!!) but that he can’t take no for an answer.”
“Whether you are married or not, how he acted is completely inappropriate!” – Jemma_2
“What the h**l is wrong with the coworkers?”
“This player makes the rounds with multiple coworkers.”
“He goes after the new person. The new person says, hey dude, not interested.”
“He stops for a hot minute, but then starts up again. The new person says, hey dude, I said not interested, here’s more info, I’m married.”
“Then he claims she’s lying?!? And continues to harass her and sends hotdogs.”
“The coworkers… obviously, it’s all your fault, and you can’t blame him because he didn’t see the claim stake.”
“What universe are we in?”
“OP, please go to HR. He’s done this to multiple women, and obviously, everyone else at this workplace is too unprofessional to get why this is a problem.” – wildeflowers
Others agreed and urged the OP to report what happened to Human Resources (HR).
“NTA. Immediately go to HR with this.”
“He is sexually harassing you at the workplace, and the excuse that ‘I wouldn’t have harassed you if I knew your vagina was claimed by a different man’ is disgusting.” – UsernameTaken93456
“I’ve been worn down like this before whether it’s agreeing to a date or even just giving my number to someone because they wouldn’t back off. Men like that know exactly what they’re doing and his treatment of OP makes it obvious this isn’t his first go at sexually harassing a woman, whether it’s just in this workplace or anywhere else.”
“This ‘handsome guy in the office’ is literally just a predatory guy in the office and needs to be reported to HR immediately.” – BlazingApp965
“You have received an unsolicited hot dog pic from a coworker and peer. This is not acceptable.”
“Take that pic right to HR. Your office is not Tinder.” – stellablue925
“He didn’t know she was OWNED by another man, because she didn’t wear her WEDDING SHACKLE to prove she is no longer OBTAINABLE.”
“Her saying NO didn’t matter, because as we all know, women do not have agency and are all lying snakes until they are CAPTURED and TURNED INTO well-mannered women.”
“NTA, as soon as she asked him not to and he refused he became TA.”
“Go to HR about him, as well as any coworker who essentially victim-blamed you.” – Eveanon
“Go to HR. What Morgan was doing to you would be considered sexual harassment, especially with sending inappropriate texts. Even if you weren’t married, you told him you weren’t interested, and yet he persisted anyway.”
“Also, a ‘nice’ guy doesn’t have to preach how nice he is. It’s in his actions.”
“Also, it’s your and your partner’s business whether you wear your ring or not.”
“Your husband’s a real one for replying to him after Morgan sent you an unsolicited d**k pic.” – ElevatorOk8601
“NTA. Is he f**king kidding? He said YOU were rude and offensive after he sent you (a colleague) a disgusting picture of his d**k unrequested and told you to suck it?”
“Wow, this has made my day. Some people live in a crazy world in their heads, don’t they?”
“That’s grounds for sexual harassment in the office, dismissal, and a lawsuit. What a prick.”
“And no, you are not leading anyone on in the workplace by not wearing your wedding ring. How ridiculous. Just like the girl in the skirt is ‘leading her rapist to believe she wants sex.’ Ch**st. Go to HR.”
“By the way, your husband is an absolute LEGEND.” – bunkbedgirl1989
“NTA. GO TO HR IMMEDIATELY and keep a record of everything he has sent you so you can show them.”
“It p**ses me off that people don’t respect your boundaries when you say you’re not interested, as if the only reason they would stop is that another man has ‘claimed’ you, like we’re property.”
“He needs to learn his lesson. Please update us after you go to HR.” – bettleheimderks
The subReddit was disturbed by Morgan’s persistence, as well as the OP’s coworkers’ reactions, accusing her of partially leading him by not wearing her ring.
Hopefully reaching out to her boss or Human Resources would lead to a serious improvement in the OP’s workplace instead of further hardships.