Conflicts in the workplace are something most people try to avoid, but sometimes a confrontation is necessary to get a resolution of an issue.
A worker turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback over a conflict with a sticky-fingered coworker.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Sam41Gaming asked:
"AITAH for contemplating getting a coworker fired over a cup?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"So I won’t specify company or exact names for obvious reasons. I recently was at my place of employment and left my Yeti coffee cup in one of the restrooms. It’s not just a Yeti cup. My wife got it as a birthday present for me and my kids put their favorite stickers on it. So I get a call on the radio that a machine was down and left before I cleaned it in the sink. Completely spaced. That’s on me. Left it in there for hours without even realizing. This was at 11:15 pm."
"At 4 am I realized my mistake. I went back and it was gone. I proceeded to gaslight and blame myself, thinking maybe I just misplaced it, and nobody actually stole it. I have a habit of leaving my magnetic flashlights on machines and workstations, so that’s not out of the question. I also didn’t want to stir up drama at work as most of the floor workers are migrants on visas working for temp agencies. I’m not trying to get someone fired and/or kicked out of the country over a f*cking cup, regardless of the sentimental value it held."
"I go talk to the night shift supervisor the next evening. First thing I say is “I don’t want problems. I don’t want drama. I don’t want anyone fired. I just want my cup back and leave it at that.” He does a short check of the cameras and doesn’t see anything. Turns out he was looking at the wrong date."
"A couple days later I see one of my coworkers, not one of the regular floor workers, walking around and even talking to me, with a cup that suspiciously looks like mine. I don’t say anything, though. I know he saw me looking intently at it but I tell myself 'nah. He wouldn’t. Don’t cause drama and make false accusations."
"Well, later that shift I see the cup on his toolbox. Curiosity gets the better of me and I go look at it. The dents are the same on the bottom. I know those dents. Those are my dents. But I still have my doubts. So I let it be. I then ask my wife in the morning if she happens to have any pictures of my cup. She does. A picture with it blurry in the background on the kitchen counter. But there’s something u can see in the blur. 3 distinctly sized and shaped paint chips on the handle."
"So tonight I come in. I walk over. I see the chips on the handle of 'his cup'. They match. It’s my damn cup. So I wait until I see him and I ask him one-on-one 'hey man. That’s a nice cup. Where’d u get it from?' Anyone who hears that obviously knows you’re being asked where u bought it. He responds, 'Oh. I got it from my crib' and then unprompted adds, 'I’ve had it for over a year'. So I tell him my cup was stolen and to keep an eye out."
"I immediately go talk to the supervisor. Now I’m pissed. He just lied to my face. Over a f*cking cup. We rechecked the cameras. Caught in 4k. Walks into the bathroom at 3:37 am. No cup in hand. Walks out at 3:40 am. Cup in hand. Sticker already removed. Straight to his car in the parking lot. Supervisor tells me to go away for now."
"I get a call 30 minutes later telling me to come to their desk. I go over. The thief is there. Supervisor is there with another supervisor. They tell me he admitted it instantly. Now I was petty and got my jabs in, like responding, 'Oh, because it was on video, right?' Stuff to that effect. They then have him verbally apologize to me."
"He proceeds to tell me that it was an accident. He knew it was mine. He didn’t mean to steal it. It’s not his fault cause nobody was around. But he was gonna give it back and got nervous. All this time I’m obviously not buying the bullsh*t."
"I’m asking, 'Cool, so why’d u lie to my face? Why did u take the sticker off before u even left the bathroom? If u wanted to give it back, why didn’t u tell me u found it? Do u often steal other people’s stuff when u see nobody is around?' I got in another dig. Maybe not the most mature response, but eh, I’m heated."
"Supervisor told him this should be embarrassing and a learning moment, and he should be embarrassed. He then agrees and calls it a 'life-reflecting moment'. Supervisor tells him he’s lucky I didn’t want any problems because if I had escalated to HR they 100% would have fired him and walked him out. We shake hands and go our separate ways. I have my Yeti back."
"It’s been 4 hours. And now I’m f**king mad. Like… if it was a random floor worker, I don’t know, okay. Whatever. But this dude is a direct coworker. I work with him on the daily and fix HIS machines. He knew it was mine. He lied to my face for days. And he lied to my face when confronted. It’s the doubling and quadrupling down during the week that is now eating away at me."
"I’m actually considering saying 'u know what? F*ck your apology. That was bullsh*t. I’m going to HR. I can’t trust u as a coworker now'.”
"AITAH for thinking this even after 'accepting', more so acknowledging, his forced apology?"
OP later added:
"Kinda the biggest part for me right now is it’s 'resolved'. And it was originally over just a cup. But once the lying happened, I kinda got into my own head about it’s now more than just about the cup. It’s about the principle of him lying to my face multiple times."
"That refusal to accept accountability is what was eating at me. Deny, deny, deny, 'oh u have footage? Yeah I did it. Sorry'."
"But obviously from the outside it’s not gonna seem that way. And it would definitely mess with shop cohesion to basically get someone fired over what ultimately does boil down to a cup."
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP would not be wrong to report a workplace thief (NTA), but should consider the potential consequences for their own career.
"I think you handled it correctly the first time. NTA. But escalation to HR, after it was apparently resolved with the supervisors would make you the a**hole. And may make others change their behaviour around you if they think you're a snitch to the bosses."
"You now have valuable information as to his character. Keep that in mind for future interactions. But I'd definitely not want to be known as the snitch of the workforce especially when said workforce find out it was over a cup. They simply won't understand your reasons." ~ SleeplessPilot
"Being the thief of the workforce is worse. Now that co worker will be the main suspect if anything goes missing moving forward." ~Fireshark32
"Guy probably isn't gonna stay long either way. He'll be watched, and if he isn't a one-timer, you may not be the first. On the flip side, maybe he does turn around and learn from it."
"NTA - even for wanting to recant not wanting HR involved. It might feel like a betrayal because of the meaning of the item and the moral compass—all valid. Who knows why this mug had a sort of value for the dude. Cause if it didn't he'd probably not use it, and you'd not see it."
"Value being anything from reaction to compulsion or anything who knows? In your shoes, I would have probably gone the same route, and I'd be on guard with all my stuff and just try not to interact with the guy. It's super sh*tty. But I'm thinkin he'll move on soon." ~ DriverCareless3529
"Just go full on 'you're dead to me' mode. Ignore his very existence except for work-related necessities. You're NTA, but you need to move on." ~ NoMeat9329
"Since you had management look into it, and you shook hands and walked away, that might need to be the end of it. If you go back and speak to HR about further escalation, then I would think your other coworkers would label you the troublemaker."
"Not sure if there are other people who fix machines as you do, but maybe just have another person assigned to him? ~ Ok_Experience_2376
OP provided some final thoughts:
"Basically, like it or not, I got an outcome that bugged me after the fact, but I still chose it. And the people outside looking in don’t know that."
"Now if I go back, anyone who sees it isn’t gonna care about the actual story or being upset about the lying part. They’ll see me as a coworker who escalated an already settled issue just to get someone fired."
While OP may not love the outcome, they decided they can live with it, since the alternative would likely damage their work reputation as well as the thief's.
