Every parent has to decide how they’re going to parent and what they want for their children. Many of these decisions occur while still expecting the baby to come.
As one mother-to-be discovered on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, everyone around her was full of their own opinions about how to raise her future daughter.
Redditor Sea_Success3339 explained they even had thoughts about what her husband should do.
After repeated complaints, the Original Poster (OP) was torn on how to handle her future parenting.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for letting my husband have a say in the baby items we buy?”
The OP has always strived for an equal partnership with her husband.
“My husband and I are expecting our first child in two months and throughout our relationship, [and] I have been very set on letting him have equal say on all things that matter.”
“E.g. for the wedding, he was expected to have just as much say as everyone else and I did not entertain any talk of ‘but the groom doesn’t make these kinds of decisions’.”
“It just seems silly to me that one party can’t have a say because it goes against the norm. Where I’m from, weddings are usually left to the bride for the most part.”
Now that they’re having a baby, the OP has not changed her stance.
“I have maintained this expectation throughout our relationship and now that we are having our first child, I have left my husband to pick and choose how he likes.”
“We are expecting a girl and he has had trouble finding the girl clothing options appealing, and as such half the clothing items we end up buying are typically considered ‘boys’ clothes such as dinosaur prints.”
“His argument is that dinosaurs are cool no matter if you’re a boy or a girl.”
“Neutral clothing is often more expensive or a much smaller section in the baby options.”
“Please note that it’s not that he wanted a boy. He’s over the moon to be having a girl, but he just feels a lot of the clothes are overly mature for babies, finding it hard to get behind the suggestive themes and styles just not meant for a child that young, if for anyone.”
But not everyone agrees with the OP, especially while expecting.
“While we feel that clothes are clothes, friends and family often complain.”
“MIL complains that she can’t buy anything because she doesn’t know what theme we’re going for. There isn’t one. She says we are making it intentionally difficult.”
“Others pull faces but try to be polite about it. Braver people tell us that girls don’t wear dinosaurs, among the other boy options we have. Imagine the horror of a baby dressed in a lion-decorated onesie.”
“Recently we’ve had some friends go out and buy the most aggressively feminine clothing items they can find, frills, shockingly pink, and silly words to boot. Think of those shirts that say, ‘Sorry boys, no dating allowed.’ Just why?”
“Some [clothes] look downright uncomfortable even for an adult and now I’m expected to dress my baby in it, such as baby shoes with heels. They can’t even walk yet.”
“The friends smiled sweetly and mentioned that I’ve been too soft-hearted on my husband and shouldn’t let him have so much free reign with the baby clothes.”
“I asked my husband about it later and he said that he can see the point of the others as it’s what they’re used to.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some sided with the OP’s husband and said dinosaurs are cool.
“NTA. husband is right. dinosaurs are cool no matter your gender.” – ur-humble-overlord
“Dinosaurs are cool, lions are cool, heck, the kid may end up wanting to be an engineer and want big trucks on everything, or airplanes, or space ships.”
“OP, NTA. I am also of the opinion frilly stuff is ridiculous and uncomfortable for little kids. Sturdy clothes that can be washed repeatedly in hot water are far more practical.” – moonchylde
“If I ever saw a Jurassic Park baby onesie with that ‘Woman inherits the Earth’ quote on it, any friend having a girl baby would be getting that as a gift.”
“Print the words in pink or purple if it needs to be made girly, or even better, glitter. Damn it, now I want a shirt like that.” – krm1437
“‘Clever girl!’ (I’m joining the hype train for letting little girls like dinosaurs, and lions, and trains, and dragons, and any other damn thing they want.)” – FluffyDinoButt
Others criticized imposing gender stereotypes in baby clothing.
“I’m laughing my a** off at baby high heels. BABY HIGH HEELS.”
“To go with your baby sheer pantyhose and baby shapewear under your baby pencil skirt.”
“At 5 pm you gotta meet up with the girls for baby happy hour. You get discounted baby martinis.”
“You don’t want to show up looking like you just rolled out of Gymboree.” – Neurotic_Bakeder
“Right? What kind of world are we living in where there are HIGH HEELS FOR BABIES?”
“Mom helps the baby put on her baby makeup, puts on some Spanx so the baby fat isn’t visible, dresses her in her finest sparkly bodycon dress and baby high heels, and then they meet up for a toddler group.”
“The parents leave them alone of course, no one wants to have their parents attend their party, and they all drink their martinis out of their pink bottles that are shaped like cocktail glasses.” – Sagoskatt-
“That was so very bizarre. These friends have a problem with dinosaurs so they went straight to sexualizing an infant?”
“Well, how will the baby be well dressed if she doesn’t look like she’s about to meet Carrie and Miranda for drinks?'” – Smishysmash
“Even worse, the purpose of high heels is to make women more sexually appealing.”
“The idea that people insist on dressing an infant in clothes intended to promote sexual appeal is absolutely insane.” – RequirementQuirky468
Though it can be difficult to tune out all of the different voices we hear, as well as our own voices of self-doubt, it’s important to remember we made the decisions we made for a reason, especially in relation to those we love.