To maintain a productive, harmonious atmosphere, it's important to build strong working relationships with your colleagues. This doesn't mean you need to be friends with them outside of work.
Sometimes, being colleagues but not friends is the only way to remain professional.
Unfortunately, some people have a much harder time staying cordial.
Redditor u/FckFord had a somewhat challenging relationship with one of his colleagues.
While the original poster (OP) tried to remain polite, it was becoming increasingly difficult.
A recent encounter with this colleague simply pushed the OP over the edge.
Concerned about his professionalism, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar 'Am I The A**Hole' (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Voting acronyms aren't required, and no final judgment is declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for abruptly cutting off a conversation with a coworker whom I'm growing to hate?"
The OP explained why they took semi-drastic measures during a recent conversation with a colleague:
"I (31 M[ale]) have grown to not stand my coworker (34 F[emale]) for a lot of little but consistently annoying things."
"At first, when she started working here, we got along well, not like work besties, but we developed a good coworker environment (the first couple of months)."
"It started with the a/c temp..."
"For context, we're on a tropical island where we average 92 degrees; she's always cold, so the thermostat would miraculously shift from 70 to 78 degrees."
"The company we work for requires site visits to construction sites; more often than not, I would go into the office. It's warmer than the building's hallway."
"I've sent multiple emails to my supervisors (who work at another base office and aren't there's 80% of the time), they ofc have spoken to her but after a couple of weeks the same thing begins to happen."
"The damm lunch orders, she would offer to order lunch (me and another coworker) and would constantly mess up the orders."
"Then my coworker and I started ordering since we noticed the pattern; she would eat with us and then 'forget' to transfer the money back until you ask her. I began to have lunch by myself."
"She has sprung up work over me because she 'forgot' she had a meeting coordinated for 9am and told me to represent her at 9:30am. that same day...
"She just 'forgot' and went to work at the other office (they're 2hrs appart btw)."
"Since we're in the consulting industry, I didn't want to hurt the client over her irresponsibility, so I went, but I felt like a deer in headlights."
"I didn't know ANYTHING of that project."
"Had I been notified early in the morning, I would have scrolled through the vitals, at least."
"I too notified my supervisor about this issue."
'TODAY she walked up to me trying to small talk, and she commented she hasn't had a good day at all, and I ICED HER OUT COMPLETELY, replying 'damn' and putting my headphones back on."
"After all that inconsideration from her, I'm not going to feel sorry that work hasn't been great today when you've been a drag inconvenience to work with this entire time."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Just about everyone tended to agree that the OP did the right thing by cutting their conversation short, even if some urged her that spending as little time with her as possible was probably the only way to maintain a healthy working relationship:
"NTA, but you're at the stage where this woman could breathe slightly too loudly and you'd be drafting another email to your supervisor."
"Keep your distance before you lose it."- OfficialBroccoliRob
"NTA."
"You've already started ordering and paying directly for your own food so that's a good start."
"Stop covering for her at the last minute."
"The bosses aren't going to know she messes up unless they can see for themselves."
"I'm sorry I cant today, Im already overloaded."
"And don't email your bosses anymore about the temperature."
"It sounds immature and they don't really care."
"Lower the temp, maybe buy a lock box over it so she cant change it."
"Gee, I don't know where that came from."- rosegarden207
"NTA."
"However, since other people around you don't know the specifics, you're cutting her off may look bad."
"People watch and listen and could misconstrue your actions."
"Just saying this to be careful."- Flipgirlnarie
"NTA."
"You don’t have to be friends, you just have to be civil."
"Stop covering for her."
"Stop hanging out at lunch with her."
"Mumble a morning and get on with your day."- Past_Gear_4310
"NTA."
"She seems awful."
"Document everything."
"If she’s pushing a meeting on your last minute, get her to email you about it or email her and copy your supervisor on it."
"If you change the temperature, note it."
"Note when it changes back."
"If you know what 'grey rocking' is, do that."
"If not, learn about it."- BrooklynIrish73
"Her lack of planning / ability to do what she is being paid for (the meetings) are NOT your emergency to fix."
"Focus on YOUR work - and ignore her mistakes."
"That really is the only way management will become aware of this issue."
"OR 'Colleague wasn't interested in joining today, and told me to do in for her - I'm unaware of this project, however, since she gave me about 2 mins warning'."
"Only if it is internal people - never when clients/externals are present!"
"Also, if one is cold, a sweater or something is easier than making another coworker uncomfortable - and when management has told her to stop - and she doesn`t .."
"'Hey HR/Boss, i feel like crap due to (name) continued fiddling with the temperature in (office name) - what are the rules for Working from home?'"
"Not sure if that is possible - but this is an indication to management again."
"This person is NOT a good coworker and should be held accountable."
"Transfer to the Siberian office."
"NTA."- SamuelVimesTrained
"NTA."
"But 1. Tell her to start bringing in a sweater if she’s always cold because she’s selfishly making it hot for everyone else, and she’s not to touch the thermostat again."
"2. Report her irresponsibility with client meetings to her supervisor."
"Tell them she’s consistently unprepared, unorganized, claims 'I forgot' so often you’re concerned that she has some serious cognitive issues that are starting to effect the business and she’s consistently passing off meetings at the last minute to others who are not familiar with her projects and it’s impacting the confidence of clients."
"She’s a bare minimum player, at best and has a sh*t work ethic that is spreading like a cancer."
"Someone in charge needs to be made aware she’s not performing, doesn’t care that she’s failing clients' expectations, and is expecting others to cover her 'forgetfulness' and disorganization."
"If everyone else is doing her job for her then what purpose does she fill?"- Judgejudyssideeye
"NTA."
"You have just seen she's all bs and can't tolerate it."
"I recognize it. It's tough, but don't lose your job over her."
"I don't think she'd have a problem becoming a problem for you."- HollisterRN
"NTA."
"But stop doing 'favors' for her."
"If you turn up to a meeting and don't know anything, it makes you and the company look bad."
"The meeting was her responsibility, not yours."
"Hopefully, HR will see what a liability she is."- Celtic-Brit
"NTA."
"i laughed at the 'damn' and putting headphones on lmaoo."
"Just keep being short and boring to talk to so she (hopefully) distances herself."
"But don't get too upset over anything. The extent of her bad habits is a few dollars you're out."
"The meeting thing looks worse on her imo."
"Don't get so nitpicky that you end up becoming a bad coworker as well."- thesinisterkitty
"NTA."
"You know, I envy her."
"Spin around on a chair all day and take pics of my Uber Eats."
"Entitled to other people's time and money."
"Might forget something and have to drive 2 hours for it."
"That's some best life shit right there."- JackJeckyl
"NTA."
"At another time I’d let her know you can not cover her if she 'forgets' again."
"Also, you don’t go to work to make friends, and she seems to be aware of what she is doing; for example, clearly 'forgot' means 'I don’t want to'.”- _dundada
It's entirely possible that the OP's colleague isn't aware of her problematic behavior.
Even so, telling her she needs to change probably won't help the situation one bit.
Hopefully, keeping his distance from her and saying as little as possible will be the hint she needs and help everyone do their jobs more efficiently.
