Leaving home as a young adult is a huge step for both the kids and their parents.
Parents send their kids off into the world excited for new possibilities, which opens them up to think about how they might repurpose some now empty spaces in the house.
If things don’t work out, the young adult might hope they can come back home as a fallback plan.
But what if their parents have other things in mind, particularly for their former bedroom?
Case in point…
Redditor aitatgrowwa to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to turn my home office back into a bedroom for my daughter?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Two years ago our daughter moved out to go live with her boyfriend.”
“Just after she moved out I started working for a different company that allowed working from home, so I turned my daughter’s bedroom into a home office.”
“Half of my job is talking to clients on zoom, so I needed a quiet place in the house.”
“A week ago our daughter announced that she is moving back because her boyfriend got a job abroad and she doesn’t want to go with him.”
“Me and my wife both agreed that she can move back.”
“We have a spare room in our house that we used to use as a guest bedroom, but we haven’t had any overnight guests in years so we just decided that she could move in there.”
“On Wednesday she moved back in, and since then she’s been constantly nagging us to get her old bedroom back because it’s bigger and is on a separate floor, so there’s more privacy.”
“We told her that I need my office, but now she somehow managed to get my wife on her side, and they’re both nagging me.”
“I told them point blank that I’m not giving up my office.”
“And now they’re treating me like I’m the enemy.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Are you supposed to just keep this full bedroom untouched and unused for the rest of your lives?”
“She’s an adult.”
“She moved out of your house you can use whatever room in that house for whatever you want.”
“That includes an office for you since you work from home.”
“You offered her the guest room to use as her own.”
“If she doesn’t like it, then she can find her own house.”
“For someone not paying any rent and being welcomed back home with open arms, she sure is entitled.” ~ nousernamesleft24
“When adult children move back in with their parents, maybe with the exception of returning from college, they don’t get much of a choice on which room they get.”
“If the kid is so desperate for privacy, she can rent an apartment.” ~ RebeccaMCullen
“NTA. I waited for our daughter to leave for her job, one week after college graduation, in New York City.”
“She’d interned there, so we knew it was a good fit.”
“That afternoon, I bought paint. It’s been ‘my room for 10 years.'”
“Just to have my own door to crouch behind.”
“It is a guest room, but it’s MINE.”
“I shared everything for 22 years, and it’s cozy, and it’s mine. As I said.”
“If she moved back, we’d see about it, but her brother’s old room is bigger.”
“If colder. And part-time WFH for her dad.”
“So nice they have a space for daughter.”
“She doesn’t get a say unless she’s, like, in the garage with a sleeping bag.” ~ Leftoverfleek13
“Especially if she announced she’s moving back in.”
“The two times I moved out, I had to ask for PERMISSION to come back and give good reasons why I needed to.”
“Definitely entitled, thinks she can just move in and out, and she pleases and demands her old room back.”
“OP is NTA. His house and she’s an adult.”
“She can pay for her own house if she doesn’t like it.” ~ Suckerforcats
“NTA for OP, but if I so much as a mention in passing the possibility of relocating anywhere near my parents, my mom invites me to move back in.”
“That said, I wouldn’t get my bedroom back.”
“I think it’s a craft room now.” ~ trewesterre
“To be fair, she has your wife’s endorsement?”
“Does your wife want her to live with y’all forever? For free?”
“Does she understand that catering and coddling to your ADULT child is not a favor but instead a form of hobbling her so that she can never be independent and will always expect the world to cater to her?”
“OP not only are you NTA you need to set some real limits here about how long she can live with you – I’d say six months is more than generous, especially rent-free.” ~ Dimension597
“NTA. You can’t indefinitely keep that room unused for the rest of your life in case she bounces back.”
“Furthermore, you need your office for your work.”
“Finally, she’s not paying rent AFAIK while staying under your roof.”
“Essentially, if she’s not happy with the free housing, she can get an apartment.” ~ Akesgeroth
“NTA. At 15/16 years old, most of my house was destroyed by a hurricane.”
“When we were near the end and almost ready to move in, the idea was floated that I trade my large bedroom for a smaller bedroom (plenty of room for my bed, desk, dresser, etc) so that my father could take my old room for an office.”
“He was a history professor that spent 3-4+ hours a weekday or 8+ hours a weekend day working, grading, or writing books.”
“Plus he had a huge library worth of books, and I had built-in shelves.”
“Meanwhile, I was going to uni in a couple of years and would need my room for summer/winter vacation.”
“I did not hesitate to give my dad the space he needed so long as I knew I had a bed with a door at home.”
“I don’t know what OP’s daughter’s deal is, but she seems very entitled if she thinks that her room should be kept as some sort of preserved time capsule, ready for her use at any moment.” ~ DibsArchaeo
“NTA, she moved and is an adult. If you need a quiet place to work and there’s another room she can sleep in, that’s that.”
“She can take it or leave it.” ~ Long_Squash1762
“There is the option of moving the office to the other room, BUT it is not required if OP doesn’t want to.”
“Daughter is a ‘begging chooser’ (?) and should be happy her parents have room for her at all.”
“Many people downsize after their children move out. NTA.” ~ Secure_Winter_3505
“NTA. Remind her (and your wife) that your adult daughter is a temporary guest and while your home is temporarily her home as well, you aren’t going to uproot your workspace.”
“’And please don’t ask again for my office.’”
“Honestly your daughter sounds entitled and ungrateful. Good luck.” ~ Pepper-90210
“NTA. She moved out, and the space changed.”
“She then moved into a different space.”
‘Your work is your livelihood and not a luxury either.”
“But I imagine your wife is probably enjoying having her back in the house and doesn’t want her to leave any sooner than necessary!” ~ ApprehensiveVideo583
“NTA, I’m assuming your daughter is an adult as she had moved out.”
“Your house wasn’t her home anymore.”
“You were well within your rights to use her old room for whatever you wanted.”
“You are letting her move back in due to her new circumstances, but she can’t dictate which room she has while she is with you!” ~ Regular_Giraffe7022
“NTA. I moved out at 18 and back home when I was 20.”
“I got the smallest bedroom when I moved back in as my parents had turned my old bedroom into a tv room/den.”
“It didn’t even occur to me to argue about it.”
‘I was thankful to not have to pay rent anymore and barely scrape by as I was when I had my own place.” ~ Harry7411
“NTA. When I moved out, my parents turned my room into my dad’s home office.”
“Several years later I was moving back into the area and needed a place to stay while house hunting.”
“They offered the other 2 bedrooms (one for me and husband, one for son).”
“I said thank you and slept there for 6 months until closing on a house.”
“They refused to take money for rent, but I did all the food shopping.” ~ Inconceivable44
“Definitely NTA!!!”
“She made her decision to move out and should be grateful for being accepted back.”
“Moving out is a big decision, and of course, sh*t happens in life, and sometimes you need to give a step back, but she can’t expect to go back in time.”
“DON’T GIVE UP ON YOUR OFFICE! “
“She’ll learn a precious life lesson.” ~ W1nst0n1984
“NTA. When I moved out, my mom told me to make sure I was ready because ‘you won’t be allowed to move back in.'”
“I know she would let me if it was dire, but I wouldn’t demand my old room just because I felt like it was still mine (it’s not, I don’t own the house).” ~ Echo_Emma
OP came back with a little more info…
“Since so many people keep asking why I don’t use the guest room as the office – I considered using the guest room as the office before I even turned her old bedroom into one.”
“But it doesn’t work because it’s on the same floor as the other kids’ rooms and the living room so even behind closed doors you can hear them yelling and playing.”
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
Your house, your rules.
Hopefully, this won’t turn into a bigger squabble.
Good luck.