Not all surprise gifts are a good idea.
And that’s usually because the execution in delivery can be shoddy.
The thought that counts, can sometimes take a lot of “thought.”
That’s why some surprise reactions can cause more sour grapes than champagne toasts.
Redditor _Use_6666 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not having an excited reaction to my wife’s surprise early Father’s Day gift?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“34 M[ale] here, I’m not sure how to start this so I’ll just get right to it.”
“My wife surprised me with a gift that when presented I didn’t really have the best reaction.”
“My wife had the day off and wanted to have a day with her friend to watch Bridgerton and drink mimosas.”
“Since she was having her day with her girlfriend, I decided to get a couple of rounds of disc golf in.”
“I get off of work and do the daily chores, garbage, walk the dog, feed myself, etc.”
“As I am leaving to walk the dog I tell the wife that I’m going to play disc golf after I’m done.”
“To which she replies ‘Well maybe you shouldn’t. I’ll tell you when you get back.'”
“This already kind of dampened my mood as I had a long day and getting some light exercise in some clear weather sounded quite nice.”
“Not to mention I’ve made said plans with a couple of people which now I may have to cancel.”
“Not the biggest deal right?”
“Now that that’s out of the way here’s the meat and potatoes.”
“She got me a grill and not only that I have to now go pick up said grill, assemble it, and prepare dinner for guests because it’s nice out she invited friends over for me to cook for.”
“It was presented in the manner of ‘I got you a grill and invited our friends over and when you get it put together you can use it.'”
“Needless to say my internal self was screaming and the stress meter moved up a bit.”
“I gave an ‘oh cool’ and tried my hardest not to seem ungrateful but the surprise seemed very impulsive and just created a ton of work for me to do.”
“So I canceled my plans.”
“My wife canceled the pick-up order due to my ‘ungrateful attitude.'”
“We are now going to go out to eat with said people and we are now in a fight.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Your wife surprised you with a job, not a gift.” ~ Longjumping-Cat-712
“Not just a job, but also he’s hosting an event and supplying the food to the guests she invited.” ~ Adorable-Reaction887
“When I was gifted a grill, she let me pick it out.”
“The surprise was that she wanted to buy me a grill but also that she knew I’d want to pick it and there was no rush in picking it either.” ~ ImagineFreedom
“That’s how I love doing gifts.”
“Like I get an idea of what they want and save up for it.”
“Then I let them know I will buy it for them but they get to choose it.”
“It might take away from the ‘surprise factor’ but it’s better because they get exactly what they want.”
“And get to try it out.”
“One year my B[oy]F[riend] got me shoes but even though it was my size, they didn’t fit me.”
“Or you might pick the wrong color/pattern.”
“Or if it’s something like a hobby, ask them for a wish list.” ~ Relieved_zebra
“My wife did this for my 40th last week.”
“I love a good watch.”
“I’ve had a Casio ProTrek for 12 years – it’s dang near bulletproof.”
“We just started hiking again and she wanted to get me a watch with GPS functionality.”
“She gave me a price point, showed me what she was looking at, and let me do my own research.”
“I basically picked the same watch she did, just a slightly newer model due to the battery life.”
“It doesn’t have to be a surprise for it to be a great gift.” ~ -enlyghten-
“Love this!”
“My spouse works security for a lot of concerts and needed better ear protection, so I told them that’s what I wanted to get for Christmas.”
“They already had a set in mind, and they were not the ones I had found, so I’m glad I said something.”
“I think the important part is that we listen to what they need, not that we surprise them with it.”
“OP your wife gifted you work on what should have been a parallel day of relaxing for you both.”
“You’re right to be annoyed and maybe she’s just embarrassed that her plan flopped, but if she can’t listen to your feelings about it that’s a problem to work out.” ~ MostlyxHarmless
“NTA. I agree. ^”
“It might have been a nice surprise if it was a grill model that OP specifically said he wanted, that his wife gave him early after the end of his relaxing day of plans.”
“But not with the ‘You now have to cancel your lovely relaxing plans to spend hours assembling the grill I chose which is arriving today – THEN use it to grill a meal tonight for the people I’ve invited round to that I didn’t mention. No rest for you sucker.'”
“Ugh. I’d resent having to cancel my lovely (golf) plans too for this.”
“It’s not a nice surprise at all from your wife OP.” ~ JSJ34
“I cannot emphasize this enough.”
“I CANNOT stand when people give some of the most thoughtful gifts then turn around for Father’s Day A DAY MEANT FOR THEM and then go “Hey… I know it’s your day and all but…”
“Here’s a f**king list and a gift that requires work and is for everyone and somewhat yours.”
“Giving grills for Father’s Day is like giving ur mom a vacuum/stove and be LOL get back to work on Mother’s Day.”
“The audacity to do this on her ‘day off’ telling you to do nothing all day THEN go get ur own gift ‘she got’ and then put it together for you to host a dinner party.”
“Did she even mention this?”
“Or just sprang it on OP like my god imagine a guy telling his wife nah you can’t go out cause I’ll tell you when I feel like it.”
“OP, NTA at all or even slightly. I’m sorry this is just insulting.” ~ KeckleonKing
“NTA. Does she not realize how much work it is to put a grill together?”
“I had to help put them together occasionally at my old job, and it’s not easy.”
“Just so you know, lots of places offer free assembly if you buy the grill there, but you would need a truck to pick it up.”
“She’s not TA for the grill itself, since you said you want one, but should not have planned a dinner party hosted by you immediately.” ~ Facing_The_Music
“NTA: My M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] gifted me a grill for one of my birthdays, it was a nice grill.”
“Right after she told me the other in-laws were coming to visit and I should plan to grill for them.”
“Ranks right up there with my hubby gifting me a waffle iron on our first anniversary so I could make him waffles.”
“Good people, but bad at gifting.” ~ SamSovern
“NTA Where’s the gift part?”
“Your wife bought a grill and told you to pick it up, set it up, and start preparing food.”
“Why would that be a gift?”
“Because it’s a grill?”
“If you tell me that the money she bought it with is from a shared account I’m going to laugh.”
“Imagine you went grocery shopping and told your wife ‘I’ve got a gift for you. It’s groceries. They’re in the car for you to get and put away. And I invited our friends over for dinner so you better start using those groceries to prepare something!'”
“I doubt she’d be very happy and would have an ‘ungrateful attitude’ as well.” ~ OTPssavelives
“NTA. She got you a crappy ‘gift,’ then doubled down by criticizing your reaction to it.”
“I suspect that making this woman happy is as much work as say, assembling a grill that you didn’t want.”
“She seems fun.” ~ CandylandCanada
“NTA: A task/chore that you need to complete is not a gift.”
“Unless this is her petty revenge for the time you bought her a cake mixer or vacuum cleaner for Mother’s Day, you are absolutely right. NTA.” ~ Impossible_Rain_4727
“Lol. NTA.”
“The grill itself wouldn’t be a bad gift, as long as she collected it, put it together, and did the cooking, but that’s assuming that grilling is a passion of yours.”
“If not, it’s just a stereotyped ‘man’ gift for the house.”
“It’s like buying a new Ironing board and presenting it to your wife for Mother’s Day.” ~ New-Razzmatazz2148
“NTA. Your wife didn’t give you a gift.”
“She gave you a list of chores and obligations, then tried to gaslight you for not looking forward to all of that work.”
“This is very much like The Simpsons episode where Homer buys Marge a bowling ball… with the finger holes pre-drilled to fit his own fingers.”
“If you haven’t seen it, the episode might be helpful in articulating your hurt and frustration.” ~ ChocolateCoveredGold
“LOL. NTA SHE wanted the grill.”
“And she couldn’t even pick it up and put it together for you and she invited people, basically forcing you to do all the work and then cook.”
“At least she canceled the order.” ~ hadMcDofordinner
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You didn’t appreciate the manner in which your gift was presented to you.
It sounds like a lot of other people wouldn’t appreciate it, either.
Some gifts need to be planned ahead of time.
Maybe when things are calmer y’all can sit down and you can calmly explain to her that it was the presentation and not the package.
Good luck.