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Dad Asks If He Was Wrong For Telling His Daughter That Her College Friend Sent Him Unsolicited Nudes

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Redditor “idkdude56” impulsively told his 19-year-old daughter that her friend sent him unsolicited nude photos of herself.

Now he feels guilty and asked Reddit AITA (Am I the A**hole).

The Original Poster (OP) wrote:

“I’m a 37 year old man. My daughter and her friend (I’ll call her Brooke) are both 19.”

“They met in college – they’ve been friends for almost a year.”

With Brooke becoming a frequent guest at the house, the OP picked up on a vibe that left him feeling uneasy.

“Brooke’s come over to our house too many times to count and she’s always made me uncomfortable. Though she’d never explicitly flirted with me up until a couple days ago, I could always tell she liked me.”

“But because there was no proof and she never made a move, I just tried to ignore it and keep my distance. She seemed like a good kid; never in a million years did I think she’d take it any further than laughing a little harder than necessary at my jokes.”

Brooke went a lot further.

“The other night I got 3 messages from a number not in my contacts. There was one sexually explicit text and 2 faceless nudes. As I was looking at them and trying to figure out who they were from (I thought maybe an old hookup or something), I got a video that included Brooke’s face.”

“My heart dropped and I felt sick as soon as I realized what was happening. I was freaked out, and I impulsively ran into my daughter’s room and told her.”

“She was freaked out too, and she asked to see the pictures because she couldn’t believe it (I know I shouldn’t have shown her but I did, it was another impulsive decision).”

“I asked her how Brooke got my number and she said she had no idea. We still don’t know – we think maybe she got it off my daughter’s unattended phone. My daughter told me she would deal with the situation.”

“I texted Brooke ‘please never contact me again,’ blocked her number, and left it at that.”

“The next day, my daughter told me she’d confronted Brooke & it’d caused a huge fight between them. She said that instead of apologizing or explaining herself, Brooke had gotten extremely mad at me for telling my daughter what happened.”

“My daughter decided it was best to block Brooke and move on like I had.”

Brooke refused to be silenced.

“A few hours later, Brooke sent me an Instagram DM (we’ve never followed each other) that said ‘please don’t block me, I just want to talk to you.’ I blocked her anyway.”

“About four hours after that, I got a long e-mail from her on my work address (it’s on my website so I guess that’s where she got it?). The email is basically a five paragraph guilt trip.”

“It goes into detail about how embarrassed she is that I showed my daughter ‘what was meant for just me.’ She talks extensively about how you shouldn’t give out private information and how ‘if I wasn’t interested, I should’ve just told her and kept her secret instead of going to my daughter.'”

“Never once did she apologize or acknowledge how wrong it was for her to send me those messages. She just tried to make me feel bad.”

“And honestly…it’s sort of working. I don’t know; I’m conflicted. I’m still disgusted and angry with her for doing that but I feel bad.”

“Maybe she’s just a confused insecure kid with problems and I should have kindly let her know how inappropriate that was and told her not to do it again instead of embarrassing her like I did.”

“AITA? I kind of feel like one but maybe I’m just too empathetic.”

Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Redditors didn’t object to the OP telling his daughter about the pictures.

“It is definitely good that you told your daughter. Brooke sent those nudes to you unsolicited.”

“You did the right thing. Neither you or your daughter needs that kind of person in your life.” – ashasei

“NTA – she sent unsolicited nudes. Its perfectly normal that you freaked out and kudos for telling your daughter. She should ve known that you are not interesed when you didnt engage in her flirting.” – ChihliQ7

“NTA. You did good by telling your daughter, if you didn’t and she found out some other way lol finding your number in the girl’s phone etc it could’ve gotten bad and caused a mix up.” – theejaysin

This Redditor clarified that actually showing his daughter the nude photos was not inappropriate under the context.

“She can be TA and also need help. I think a lot of people on this sub would benefit from a good course of therapy.”

“Honestly, I don’t think that showing the nudes in that context was a bad thing, except as it may have been inappropriate given he was showing his daughter.”

“I think that the rule of ‘never ever ever share nudes someone sent you’ doesn’t apply when they were sent to you without your consent.” – AliceInWeirdoland

Being silent could have been worse.

“This! If your daughter found out some other way that her friend sent you nudes, the situation could have been even worse (like may be your daughter might have thought that you and her friend were going behind your back) – Idk, I’m going off of how irrational I was at 19.”

“I think it’s not fine that you showed your daughter the pictures, but I do think it’s understandable because you were freaking out and it doesn’t seem like your daughter would have believed it without proof.”

“Edit: Btw, you’re NTA.” – Advanced_Meal

The OP was also advised to protect himself in case Brooke flipped the script.

“Do not give in and keep blocking her as at this point she has entered dangerous levels of being a stalker.”

“Best thing you should do is keep record of everything in case she tries to do anything out of spite and let your daughter know what’s going on.” – zane910

“You should look into filing some type of restraining order against her. Keep all of the evidence (text, pictures, IG, emails) in case she escalates things because she doesn’t seem very stable.”

“I heard that when taking screenshots of any text she sends you, to make sure you leave her number exposed and not to overwrite it with her name. Just for easy verification that it is from her number.”

“Do not think you’re wrong in this situation! I get going to your daughter is questionable, but honestly at what age do you know how to properly respond to sexual harassment?”

“You freaked out and you turned to the closest loved one you have (And your daughter had your back like a true boss, I have full respect for her).”

“You and your daughter are victims of this woman’s behavior. Do not let her turn this around as if you guys are at fault.”

“This is predator behavior do not let it get into your head.”

“I’m sorry this happened to you and your daughter. You may want to to speak with someone who’s not directly related to the incident in person to help gain some clarity.”

“Good luck. NTA”

In this scenario, Redditors agreed that the OP’s full disclosure under distress was reasonable.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a New York-based actor and writer. Originally hailing from Los Angeles, he received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese. Disney parks are his passion, and endless cups of coffee are a necessity. Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1