Redditor Living_Carpenter7946 is what some may describe as an overprotective dad.
The Original Poster (OP) is the father of a teenage girl – 16 years old to be precise – and recently got into a kerfuffle with her over the clothing.
The OP’s daughter convinced her mom she needed new, “trendy” clothes, but much to the OP’s dismay, this new wardrobe consisted of “crop tops and short shorts.”
The OP told his wife and daughter he found the clothing inappropriate and insisted it was all returned.
This caused a fight, ultimately driving the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
He asked:
“AITA for asking my wife to return the clothes she bought for our 16-year-old daughter?”
He went on to explain:
“So, my daughter, Lily, who’s 16, approached her mom about getting some new clothes because her old ones were, according to her, seriously outdated.”
“Without even giving me a heads up, my wife decided to let Lily take the reins and pick out the clothes herself from some websites online”
“Fast forward to me unexpectedly coming across Lily in a crop top and short shorts. I asked her if she was planning to go out like that, to which she casually responded with a confident ‘yes.’”
“I told her she needed to change into something more appropriate and asked who bought the clothes for her – turned out, it was my wife.”
“I confronted my wife about it, told her I wasn’t comfortable with the clothes our daughter was wearing, and suggested we return them.”
“We ended up having a bit of an argument, with my wife saying our daughter is old enough to make her own clothing choices…”
“…and that there was nothing wrong with the clothes our daughter was wearing and that I’m being too overprotective.”
“After a long discussion, my wife reluctantly agreed to return the clothes, but on the condition that I tell Lily it was entirely my decision. Now, my daughter knows, and she’s not thrilled about it.”
“She argued that the clothes are trendy, and it’s a common style among her friends and that I’m the only person who thinks wearing a crop top is inappropriate.”
“But I’m standing my ground, saying that regardless of trends, I won’t allow that type of clothing to be worn, not in public, at least.”
“My daughter is giving me the cold shoulder and avoiding interaction with me now.”
“I do feel a little guilty and think I might have been a bit too firm and reactionary, but at the same time, I just didn’t want to sacrifice my principles.”
“Does that make me TA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“YTA. Controlling parents like you often end up having little or no contact with their kids.”
“It would be one thing to have a conversation about appropriate times and places for clothing (eg, if you go to a conservative church or a nice restaurant…”
“…that might not be the right time and place for that kind of clothing, and she might not be allowed in), but wholesale taking away her clothes is controlling and not appropriate.”
“It’s her body, she gets to make the decisions about what she wears, within legal limits.” – KaliTheBlaze
“YTA You harassed your wife til she gave up and agreed to return the clothes…. dude. Address why you don’t want your teenager wearing crop tops and shorts, sexualizing your child isn’t okay.”
“And if you are worried about unwanted male attention – the clothes make fu k all difference to men.” – Proud_Yogurtcloset58
“YTA, she’s 16, not 6. I remember the stuff I used to wear, how on earth I thought it was a good idea I’ll never know.”
“Cut off Jean shorts, crop top with a black mesh t shirt (tucked in) and a belt with one of those big belt buckles on it (guns n roses if I remember correctly). All topped off with knee-high Docs.”
“I’m sure my Dad was biting his lip and grinding his teeth, but he never said anything, and I turned out okay and told my Dad everything until he died.” – Awkward_Chain_7839
“I’m thinking that, although the legs of the shorts were short, the waist was probably pretty high. Since that’s the style that’s in.”
“So she probably had an inch or two of belly and her legs visible. Additionally, her mother was okay with what she was wearing. So it can’t be too bad.”
“So it wasn’t that what she was wearing was inappropriate. It’s that you think it’s inappropriate because she is not dressing to avoid the male gaze.”
“News flash: we’re trying to create a culture where we don’t hold women responsible for men’s feelings/actions/responses.”
“Telling her that her clothes are inappropriate implies that it’s sexual and implies that she would be responsible for the feelings of those (stereotypically men) that are around her.”
“She can wear whatever she wants. Women are sexualized and attacked regardless of what they are wearing, so she may as well wear something that makes her happy.”
“ETA: YTA” – Natural_Garbage7674
“YTA. Controlling what your sixteen-year-old daughter wears sounds like a great way to get a twenty-something daughter who never talks to you — let her express herself.” – ChemicalRascal
“The only thing your wife was wrong about was attributing your actions to overprotectiveness. You don’t claim to be trying to protect your daughter, but rather to be standing by your principles.”
“As far as I can tell, the only principle at play here is your belief that the women in your family are not permitted to make decisions without your approval.”
“YTA.” – MayaPinjon
“YTA”
”Why do you think these clothes are inappropriate, and why are YOU uncomfortable with your daughter wearing a crop top and short shorts?”
“Feel guilty all you want because you caused this situation by being a wardrobe cop. If your principles are your hill to die on feel free to do so.” – toffifeeandcoffee
“YTA.”
“Guess what? You don’t need to sacrifice your principles. Just don’t wear a crop top! Problem solved.”
“Your principles are yours, and yours alone. Your children are not your little puppets.” – NormalAd2136
“Just so you know, your daughter will have her banned clothes hidden at school or with a friend, and she’ll get changed when she’s out of the house.”
“This is what girls do. And YTA – she’s sixteen” – itsshakespeare
“YTA for sexualizing your daughter. Shorts and a crop top may not be appropriate for every single occasion, but they are not inherently inappropriate items of clothing.”
“Policing your daughter’s body, however, is always inappropriate. Stop teaching her to make herself less comfortable to accommodate the f*cked up men around her.” – Heavy-Maintenance-31
“YTA for thinking that you have any say over what your daughter chooses to wear, let alone think it’s appropriate to discuss all this behind her back & then decide for her what happens to the clothes.”
“She’s growing into an adult; would you rather she express herself now & realizes she feels better by dressing modestly when she hits 20…”
“…or would you rather take away her choice & then she will dress even more ‘inappropriately’ when she hits 20?” – Own-Championship-398
“YTA, so you should feel guilty for a start. Why would your wife have to discuss clothing choices with you for a 16 year old.”
“I go out and buy my kids clothes all the time, and I certainly don’t ask my husband’s permission to buy my children clothes.”
“There is being overprotective and there’s being bloody controlling and what you’re doing is controlling” – Independent-Tea8516
“Why does your wife have to give you notice that she is buying clothes for your daughter? I don’t ask permission to buy clothes for myself or my kid; I just do it.”
“Crop top and shorts are normal clothes for warm weather. It would only be inappropriate if she were going out in the cold and snow dressed like that.” – jjj68548
“YTA”
“But great job ticking off your daughter. I can almost guarantee that she didn’t return the clothes, or if she did, she didn’t return them all…”
“…and will just wear a frumpy frock-like thing that will make you happy, only to strip it off, as soon as she is out of your sight, to reveal a crop top and short shorts underneath.”
“You’re fighting a losing battle and don’t even know it.” – inFinEgan
“YTA, your daughter has reached an age where you should encourage her to make her own clothing choices.”
“You may not love the choices she makes, but it’s your responsibility as a parent to foster her independence and prepare her for adulthood, crop tops included.”
“If modesty is something you value and something you hope your daughter will value, then let her start building those values for herself…”
“…while she’s safe and supported in a home with parents to love and cheer her on. Now is the time for her to experiment and explore with support from you both.” – Two-Branch
OP’s on a quick road to low contact with his daughter.