Redditor Dry-Tomatillo9385 is the proud father of the groom.
His son and daughter-in-law recently tied the knot, but not before some drama ensued.
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) new daughter-in-law is a foreign national from South Asia. While she’s been in the OP’s country for nearly a decade, she is not yet a citizen.
The OP’s sister and her husband find their newest family member’s lack of citizenship troublesome, despite her being involved with their nephew for 9 years.
During some of the wedding festivities, the OP’s sister made some off-color comments about the bride, accusing her of being a “90-day fiancé” (as per the US reality TV show).
This comment was not the first of its kind, and was the final straw for the OP. He immediately kicked both his sister and brother-in-law out of the wedding festivities.
This drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
He asked:
“AITA for uninviting my sister and her husband from my son’s wedding reception for making a 90 day fiance joke?”
He went on to explain:
“I’m [a 55-year-old Male]. Last week, my son James [28-year-old Male] got married to his partner Zara [28-year-old Female].”
“They were together for around 9 years before they got married, and met in university. Zara is from overseas, she’s South Asian, though she’s been here for around 9-10 years.”
“She’s been a member of our family for all that time, and we love her — especially as her own parents are abroad. Our family are white.”
“My sister Beth and husband Tom have always been nice enough to Zara and James, but last year they found out Zara wasn’t British Asian, she was a foreign national.”
“It’s an understandable misconception, as Zara sounds British + South Asians are a large diaspora here.”
“They started making ‘quips’ about visa marriages and ’90 day fiancees’ which I gather is a US TV program, not in my presence but J&Z ignored them.”
“However after the wedding last week, we had a family dinner where Beth and Tom again brought up ‘visa marriage’…”
“…made a Meghan Markle joke, and then said they would only let their daughter marry a foreigner AFTER he got British citizenship.”
“Z&J looked shellshocked as they didn’t expect this to be brought up at a wedding event. I immediately uninvited them from the reception, there and then.”
“My wife and I are paying for the reception as Z’s parents paid for the wedding, and both Z+J were happy at the un-invite.”
“Beth and Tom are now playing the victim, saying they only had J’s best interests at heart because they’ve seen the ‘horror visa marriages can do to citizens being taken advantage of’ (on TV).”
“I said meaning well means nothing, and they’re now telling our other family that we are bullying them. Some took their side, saying they were only trying to help and I should reinvite them.”
“I am refusing as I think their reasoning is bullsh*t. First because the US visa marriage TV programmes don’t apply to the UK, its much harder to get a spouse visa here.”
“90 day fiance isn’t a concern, because you can’t just get citizenship after a couple months of marriage, it’s never been the case.”
“From what James said, Zara has spent around 25k across the years for visa renewals (her own money). It’s not as simple as getting married.”
“Secondly because, and James will be the first to say… Zara is far more qualified than him. She has wealthy parents, a doctorate and earns 50K…”
“…she doesn’t need our son’s ‘sponsorship’ and would easily qualify for citizenship in her own right in a couple of years.”
“Beth and Tom in response now say they didn’t know the visa processes were different, but my opinion is… then why insult her at her d*mn wedding?”
“Just a lot of comments coming our way now, saying we should forgive them for ‘trying to help’.”
“Wife and I refused, J&Z are happy with my refusal, but people are now making comments about it being a ‘reasonable’ concern… when it objectively has NEVER been a concern.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA. If you want to run around the farm making nasty xenophobic comments like a bigoted little gnome, you don’t get invited to the harvest.”
“Also, your sister and her husband clearly share a single braincell.”
“The idea of these Upstanding British Patriots who claim to love their country and its citizens…”
“…but in reality are stupid enough about said motherland to assume American television show rules apply here is cracking me UP.”
“Edit: I saw a couple of comments saying that the concern is reasonable but the execution was bad and like…”
“I’m sorry, in what world is ‘big bad visa marriage’ a concern when it comes to a wealthy white-collar woman earning far above the UK median wage as…”
“…(I assume from her credentials) a f*cking university lecturer, who met her partner in college a decade ago? That’s white picket fence sh*t!”
“Zara is exactly the kind of ‘useful migrant’ even the right wing rags bang on about ‘accepting’! She’s not exactly a starving refugee crossing over on a boat.”
“There is no universe in which that ‘concern’ about this specific couple isn’t xenophobic, sorry.”
“Also the Meghan Markle ‘joke’ makes no sense… how on earth is this anything remotely similar?”
“Pointing to any interracial couple and going ‘ah yes, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’ is a phenomenal illustration of being so Britpilled you start losing braincells.” – monstrousveggiement
“As an immigrant, I commend you! ‘Jokes’ like this are hurtful. It’s irrelevant if they didn’t know about the visa process, they still had no right to make such comments.”
“NTA and your son and daughter in law are lucky to have you!” – buongiornoitaly
“NTA. You were right to act so quickly and so decisively. They are saying ‘they only had J’s best interests at heart’…”
“but they are ignorant of the length of their relationship, how long Zara has been in the UK and more importantly – by saying this they are insinuating YOU don’t have your son’s best interests at heart.”
“Only they do? What sort of main character BS is this. Nope. And any of your extended family that is getting on their side should be told to reconsider how gullible they are.” – atealein
“NTA”
“If they ‘meant well’ or were ‘trying to help’, they would have said something to you son before the wedding.”
“They didn’t mean well; they were acting like racist bigots and they deserved to be disinvited from the reception.”
“The only people who have any right to demand they be included are the wedding couple, and they’re happy to have them out.” – IAndaraB
“NTA”
“Oh no, the consequences of their actions”
“Racists don’t get to attend nice events.”
“‘Beth and Tom in response now say they didn’t know the visa processes were different'”
“Bullsh*t. Bullsh*t. Even the fricking Daily Mail knows it’s different. The S*n knows it’s different.”
“So what trashy tabloid have they had their head stuffed in to somehow not understand that USA law != UK law?” – janewilson90
“NTA of course. Bullies and abusers will always switch their words and try to justify an a-hole behaviour by playing the victims card.”
“They knew very well what they did and expected no one to stand up and stop them, as it’s the case in most families and friends circles.”
“People generally prefer to shut up & mind their business, and that’s crazy and non productive imo. Adults should know their words and behaviour have consequences and learn to deal with it.”
“But they don’t. Very good for you to support care & help your children.” – ArmyPatate
“NTA”
“Your sister and BIL are horrible, racist AHs. Their abhorrent views would be reason enough for me to go low-contact with them, too, quite honestly.”
“‘Just a lot of comments coming our way now, saying we should forgive them for “trying to help”.'”
“Those people are just as bad. There is no ‘trying to help’ going on here at all…”
“…they’re using your DIL as an outlet for their racism and she doesn’t deserve to have to be exposed to that at all, not least on her wedding day.” – ImStealingTheTowels
“NTA”
“I was woefully ignorant of the stupidity that came out of people’s mouths before my family had its own interracial wedding.”
“You correctly ousted people who outright insulted the couple. People are butt hurt because if you don’t take it back they can’t pretend racism doesn’t exist.”
“Beth and Tom will actually have to think before they speak next time.” – AdaptableAilurophile
“NTA.”
“It was never any of their business.”
“They are invalidating the love between J and Z”
“They are disgusting egoists who have no respect for the feelings of others”
“If they wanted to base any comments on a TV show they saw, they should make sure that it is relevant to this situation and…”
“…if they still felt the need to interfere in an affair that is none of their business, they should have done it in private and with greater respect.” – avdepa
The OP’s sister needs to learn how to mind her own business.