How common does common knowledge have to be in order for someone’s anger at you not knowing it to be justified?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) NoNeedleworker8772 when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for allowing the police in my home?”
An innocent start.
“So over the summer my husband’s son Jay stays with his mom.”
“He’s 16.”
“He gets home and gets everything ready for school. I noticed his mom gave him a new gaming system and I don’t say anything as he puts it in his room.”
“It’s not uncommon for his mom buy him things.”
A sudden twist.
“The police show up at my house and ask to see both me and Jay.”
“His dad is working.”
“I let the police come in and they asked about his gaming system and I tell him sure them I saw him unpack it. Once Jay gets in the living room I’m told it’s stolen.”
“I freak out!”
“I yell at my Jay and the police arrest him and tell me I can come get him after the booking process it will take a few hours.”
“I let them take my Jay and the gaming station! I was so overwhelmed with everything. I call my husband and he starts yelling at me because I let the police in the house and take Jay.”
“I got an earful about it and my husband goes to the police station and it takes a long time for him to come home with Jay!”
“My husband sends Jay to his room and yells at me about how I let this happen.”
“I should have not let them into the house and I shouldn’t have told them Jay was home. I said why?”
“He acts like it was common sense and I should have found out more information. He calls me names like stupid and naive.”
Escalation.
“The fight turns into me say how was I supposed to know how to act I was taught better to cover for a criminal.”
“My husband said Jay is not a criminal. I pointed out he was literally just arrested for freaking stealing.”
“My husband told me to get out.”
“I’m staying with my sister and her husband right now because of this.”
“They are in just as much shock as me because they would have never thought to be rude to the police either and not allow them in.”
OP was left to wonder,
“AITA?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
Mistakes may have been made.
“INFO.”
“Do you actually know if this gaming station was stolen?”
“Just because the police show up at your place and claim something was stolen doesn’t make it so.”
“Police will frequently ask people to do innocuous sounding things in order to get a pretext for a search/detainment.”
‘”They would have never thought to be rude to the police either and not allow them in'”
“This take is coming from a tower so ivory I cannot look at it directly without risking blindness.”
“I just want to address some more things in the post. Your husband shouldn’t have called you stupid.”
“I agree with his take that you’re naive or perhaps a victim of your own privilege. I’m not surprised the insults started flying. This is a stressful situation for all parties.”
“Doesn’t give him the right to insult you. He’s an AH for that.”
“Being arrested does not mean someone is guilty. Police saying someone is or has committed a crime does not mean they are or have committed a crime.” ~ Asiatic_Static
“Just to be clear, Jay was ACCUSED of a crime, not convicted of one, so for you to assume he’s a criminal automatically would bother me too if that were my son.”
“Plus, you don’t know the exact circumstances as to how the console was obtained.”
“His mom could have brought it from a third party for all you know, so again, who are you to call a sixteen-year-old a criminal when you just made an assumption based on what the police told you?!”
“You failed Jay in a big way.”
“Sorry, YTA!” ~ jabronimax969
“YTA”
“Never, never, never, NEVER, NEVER let the police into your house without a warrant. Never let the police talk to your minor child without you or a lawyer present.”
“It may only be a ‘simple misunderstanding’. The chances of the cops being ‘crooked’ or ‘planting’ something to make a case may be slim,…”
“But if that slim occurrence should happen and the police decide to ruin your day, you can lose everything you own to civil forfeiture, and your entire reality can come crashing down because you were trying not to be rude.”
“The police are not your friends.”
“You can be civil, but DO NOT let them in the door because no matter how nice you are, YOU are still considered a possible perp…” ~ Ren_Arcen
The benefit of the doubt.
“It’s not remotely common knowledge; that’s why every criminal lawyer will repeatedly emphasize to all their clients ‘DON’T SAY ANYTHING TO THE POLICE unless I’m with you”‘.
“It’s common knowledge among certain subcultures but not in the general population.”
“If you follow any criminal lawyers on social media, you will also, from time to time, see them venting about their clients’ insistence on speaking to the police even after the client has been warned not to by the lawyer.”
“If you’ve ever been in a situation where you would find it totally unremarkable to hear someone say ‘f**k the police’ or ‘all cops are bastards’, it’s important, as a reality check for yourself, to remember that most people love the police and think they’re wonderful.” ~ superiority
“The average person is going to be innocent, and I can see people wanting to be honest because ‘I’ve nothing to hide'”.
“Which inevitably causes problems cause they reveal info that was never requested of them.”
“People should question the likes of cop shows FAR more often because, in 99.9% of cop shows, there is blatant police propaganda being shown.”
“Usually the criminal asks for a lawyer, and they are super in your face about how bad and shady it is for a person to request a lawyer.”
“Those shows have permeated the public consciousness. People think as long as they talk and are honest, the police will let them go. They don’t wanna be the ‘bad guy’ with a lawyer.” ~ keichunyan
“Victim of her own privilege?”
“She wasn’t the one with a stolen video game in possession (allegedly).”
“You make it sound like someone that clearly has had very limited interaction with police (and likely none on the wrong side of the law) is somehow a ‘victim of her own privilege'”?
“Sounds to me like she leads a law-abiding life.”
“I guess if that makes her a victim of her own privilege up in an ivory tower, maybe I’ve been teaching my kids the wrong things.” ~ Party-Psychology3126
Complex Relations.
“Allow me to point you to Google to find out why people in the US do not trust law enforcement.”
“He would have always been held accountable as the police could pursue a warrant based on whatever evidence compelled them to go to the house in the first place.”
“Our justice system allows people to refuse police entry without a warrant as a right in this situation.”
“And it’s not bad or wrong to insist that they go through with obtaining a warrant as is their job.”
“And it’s not bad or wrong to refuse a police interview for yourself or someone’s minor child when you are overwhelmed and not thinking clearly.”
“That’s exactly when you call a lawyer.”
“They will tell you if it makes sense to voluntarily surrender or show up for an interview without an arrest.”
“Are you a child or law enforcement officer or just painfully unaware of how the justice system actually operates in the US?” ~ MoMoJangles
“If the police don’t have a warrant, they don’t get to search the house, and if they do it anyway, any evidence they find is inadmissible in court.”
“So yes, not allowing the police in would have been a much better idea.”
“Allowing the police in without a warrant gives them the idea that they don’t need to get warrants, which is a problem for our entire justice system.” ~ 2022F**kPutin
“NAH, but you should have known better.”
“You never let the cops into your home without a warrant. You figure out what they want, don’t tell them anything, and get a lawyer if necessary.”
“You don’t even know if the gaming system was actually stolen. You don’t know if he bought it from a friend who stole it, if his mom stole it, if he found it, etc.”
“The cops could be wrong, and now your stepson was arrested because you weren’t cautious. Hopefully, that’s a lesson learned.”
“If anything, YTA only because you turned it into an argument with your husband about how your stepson is a criminal.”
“Your husband was obviously scared, stressed, didn’t know what was happening to his son and why.”
“He also trusted you to take care of him, and you had a minor in your care.”
“You don’t let anyone in the house that doesn’t have a good reason for being there, even the cops. It seems you have a skewed perspective on your stepson, which is unfortunate.” ~ sxl1092
Would I have handled this situation the way OP did?
We wish the OP and their family well as they resolve the situation with the proper authorities.
When in doubt, ask for a lawyer.