Some birthdays come with unattainable expectations. People’s 21st birthdays usually feature a party, friends and drinks.
But, when guests have different expectations, it can lead to a terrible party and no fun.
Redditor ruinedweekendbday encountered this very issue with their family. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for ruining the birthday celebration my dad planned for me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained.
“For months my dad has been talking about celebrating my 21st b-day that was this past Friday. Tbh, I wasn’t that psyched about it but he was promising it was gonna be great and he’s been wanting to celebrate this specific b-day for years.”
“I’m gonna start by saying I don’t like drinking at all. I’ve tried for years at parties and I hate it. I don’t like the taste, I don’t like the way it makes me feel, and I just don’t like alcohol cause of what it’s done to my family.”
“My grandpa, my dad’s dad, was a really bad alcoholic and from what I heard his dad was too (my great grandpa). It was hard seeing him f*cked up for so many years until it killed him.”
“My dad’s not at his level of drinking, he rarely drinks but when he does it’s like he becomes a drunk frat boy. Him and my uncle. They’re not fun to be around when they are drunk with friends.”
But, they wanted to spend time with OP.
“But he convinced me to take a ‘boys trip’ to my uncles cabin for the weekend and he convinced my mom to let it be just us guys.”
“It was them plus 6 of their buddies, everyone drinking. I only barely finished half a beer but they were going at it.”
OP’s dad wasn’t happy with that.
“My dad wanted to do shots with me but I didn’t want to. was fine with watching them do it but not me. Idk it makes me wanna vomit. The drunker they got at night the more my dad kept being mean to me about not drinking.”
“Him and my uncle kept telling me to stop being a pu**y and I’ll like it. They were just being a bunch of rowdy a**es and wouldn’t leave me alone about not drinking.”
“I got fed up with it so I told my dad I was done being treated like that when I’ve already told him I don’t like to drink. Then I drove back home at 2 am. Got some calls from them telling me to come back, all I did was tell my dad I got home safe and shut off my phone.”
OP’s mom was understandably surprised.
“My mom was surprised to see me back in the morning since we were supposed to stay up there until Monday morning. When I told her everything that happened she was pissed off.”
“She had that death look in her eyes. They got into a fight when my dad got home. Obviously he was hungover so already in a bad mood. But he came to my room and started telling me shit.”
OP’s dad made it all about him.
“He said I ruined an important night that he was hoping to share with me for years and can’t believe I’d just leave so rudely like that when he was trying to bond as father/son.”
“My dad looked legitimately disappointed. This is something he and my uncle did with their dad so he wanted to continue that tradition with me.”
“He’s mad I ruined the birthday celebration, and my moms mad at him and my uncle for bullying me to drink. It’s so serious right now, they’re not even talking to each other and my dad is being pretty cold with me.”
“I keep going from being mad at him for being the way he was treating me to feeling guilty about messing up the party since I know he was excited about drinking with me.”
“Was I an a**hole?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“It sort of gave me the vibes of my party.”
“My family isn’t well off but my blood aunt’s husband’s blood sister’s husband (unpack that one) is a well off lawyer who takes his nieces and nephews to Las Vegas for their 21. Well I was lucky enough he wanted to take me.”
“Turns out my father asked HIM to join, not me, and if my UNCLE could come as well. Well, lawyer uncle agreed if father and other uncle paid.”
“It got to the point I wasn’t asked what I wanted to do, any time I said “hey can we do this” I was told no, and the single plan I had with Lawyer Uncle, a legit straight razor shave that I skipped out on shaving for WEEKS to get the full treatment, yea my dad’s plans made me miss that.”
“Never let your day be an excuse for other people to act out. If they want to celebrate with you that’s fine. Don’t let them celebrate for you.” ~ The-Original_Pancake
“Super right there, good Lord, only his own friends.”
“Actually what that says to me is maybe the dad was genuinely looking forward to the party as a father-son bonding moment… that is, a way of reliving his OWN father-son bonding moment (thus fulfilling HIS longtime fantasy), without any regard to who his son actually is.”
“The sad thing is, he might actually be a slightly better dad than his own dad was. People often are, even when it’s in unhelpful ways. Why would getting smashed with his dad be SUCH a high point in his life he’s dying to relive it decades later? I’m guessing it was the first time his dad gave him any really noticeable attention and respect. 20 bucks says his dad was an alcoholic.”
“I guess OP’s dad may have done a thing or two right (or maybe it was his mom…) b/c at least OP isn’t ready to turn backflips for a shred of attention. Way to go standing up for yourself, OP.” ~ Crooked-Bird-20
“No, this is actually something he’s wanted us to do together and he’s talked about it for years. That father/son bonding moment of sharing a beer getting drunk on my 21st like a rite of passage.”
“He gets to hang out with his buddies whenever he wants so not like he needed an excuse. These are friends that have been around my whole life and are like uncles to me, so I guess that why it made more sense to invite them instead of my friends (they’re all still a few months younger than me so not 21 yet).” ~ ruinedweekendbday
Either way, it was OP’s birthday and they should get to pick what to do.