As nice as it might be to imagine, it’s impossible for us to be close friends with every single person in the world. With so many conflicting ideologies in the world, it can be hard to find a way to meet in the middle, let alone develop a friendship.
It’s even harder to accept when someone we love begins to behave more like someone we don’t agree with, empathized the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Nervous-Alps-8637 did not like the couple his wife regularly wanted to spend time with, though he understood how hard it was to find friends with kids.
But when she wanted to start inviting them to stay for slumber parties, too, the Original Poster (OP) wondered where all of this was going.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for not wanting to have an adult slumber party?”
The OP didn’t particularly like the couple who came over for playdates.
“My wife (32 Female) and I (37 Male) are friends with another married couple that is much younger than us (early 20s).”
“I am not a fan of either of them, but we both have young children, and my wife has become close with the other wife.”
“The husband is on his phone 24/7, and we don’t seem to have much in common, but I do my best to put on a friendly face because I think it’s important for my young child to have time around other toddlers.
The OP found their time together to be very draining.
“Every time they come to our house, it seems to turn into an all-day visit. I’m talking like six to eight hours.”
“I eventually get worn down by the other wife. She annoys me. She never stops talking, she is completely anti-vax for her child, and constantly says just incredibly stupid things.”
“Yesterday, when she went on for about five minutes about how Michelle Obama might actually be a man. She’s even ‘seen a picture where it looks like she has a penis.'”
“I stay out of most of the conversation because I’m afraid that if I do join in, I won’t be able to refrain from being very blunt.”
Then the OP’s wife had the idea to make the visit even longer.
“Yesterday, as we were watching the kids play in a little inflatable pool on the front lawn. I was not really listening to the conversation, but my wife tapped me and asked, ‘What do you think about having them stay over some night in the future?'”
“I said sure but made a mental note to talk to my wife later about it. These people have their own home. Why would they sleep at mine unless they had too much to drink? (We were not drinking).”
“Around an hour later, I realized through the conversation they were having that a decision had been made for them to stay over tonight.”
“It immediately made my blood boil that my wife made this decision, knowing that I do not like this couple (it’s been discussed), and without really asking me about it, just asking me about a ‘future’ slumber party.”
The OP lashed out at his wife.
“For the next three to four hours, I was near everyone but was not really a part of any conversation. I was p**sed off.”
“I took my baby upstairs around 7:30 PM to try and get her to sleep because it was too loud downstairs.”
“My wife came up, and I immediately fired off on her and told her she was a f**king a**hole for inviting two adults I can’t stand to sleep over at my house and without discussing it with me first.”
“We argued a little, and she went back downstairs.”
The wife pinned all the blame on the OP.
“After getting the baby to sleep, I walked downstairs and noticed they were packing up their stuff.”
“No one said a word to me, and it was maybe the most awkward 30 seconds of my life. There was tension in the room.”
“After they left, my wife told me that she had come downstairs and told them that I did not want them to stay the night.”
“My wife and I argued after they left. She thinks she did nothing wrong.”
“I can’t believe she made me look like such an a**hole, and how awkward it will be when I have to see these people again.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP he was not wrong for not wanting to have an adult slumber party.
“Why do ANY grown-ups need a sleepover when they aren’t drunk or live nearby?” – LingonberryPrior6896
“I’m an adult, and I have adult sleepovers. When the people aren’t terrible, it feels nice to host and just get to spend some time together. Them being around motivates me to cook things I wouldn’t normally cook.”
“Mornings are a little awkward just because I sleep like a brick, but aside from that, it’s fun just to be casual and hang out with a close friend for a lazy morning in pajamas. I don’t know.”
“I wouldn’t sleep over with Pandemic Pam and Bird Flu Brad, though.” – Problem-Starhild
“NTA! Be honest with your wife about not being comfortable around this couple and then just refusing to be around them. You have just as much right to determine who you do and don’t spend time with as your wife does.”
“They are apparently racist anti-vaxxers who like adult sleepovers. You have to know where this is going, right? Adults don’t have sleepovers. They seem to be grooming you, as a couple, by crossing one line at a time, and your wife is perfectly okay with that, and that is the real issue.” – mamaleo29
“My husband and I are friends with two other couples. One other couple and we have kids (ages 1, 4, 4, 8). We do sleepovers for two reasons.”
“1. Is that we can drink and then not worry about driving.”
“2. But more importantly, we can hang out without the kids constantly interrupting us. Or we can watch a movie that’s not Disney or play a game that’s not meant for kids. The kids go to bed, and we don’t have to go home first.”
“But these are our closest friends. All six of us are wonderful friends. None of us are anti-vax or racist. These are not people we can barely stand. I wouldn’t do it with just anyone.” – jessoka
“As a 38-year-old father of a two-year-old, I understand the desire to have adult friends who get the whole parent thing, as well as a play friend for my son. That said, I’d rather he be a weird solo kid than have him exposed to toxic adults like that (well, toxic mother, there’s not much in the kid’s father).”
“I also don’t understand the sleepover bit unless it was for something like an early morning departure together for a trip or something, which this is not.” – Procyon02
Others were concerned about the people the OP’s wife was associating with.
“Honestly, having people like them around your child is concerning. Think about it.”
“Yeah, they’re young. But the littles are already hearing the words coming out of the crazy’s mouth. And the safety people, i.e., the parents, let them around. So babies are already getting desensitized to it.”
“On top of the risk, they sound like the people who still come over even if their kid is sick. Or even if they left someone’s house who had the virus. And they still come over to yours with no qualms, no warnings. Whooping cough is seriously not something you wanna deal with.”
“The consequences outweigh the reward with them. And honestly, if your wife is as defensive over them as this? I’d be concerned. The last thing you need is for her to start believing their rhetoric. Then they’ll turn her on you because you don’t believe the same stuff, and they’ll turn you into the ‘bad guy.'”
“Tread carefully, OP. This could go down a very slippery slope.” – OsaBear92
“It’s extremely concerning to me that your wife is giving this couple’s opinion so much consideration that it’s now something you need to ‘speak to your pediatrician about.’ She’s clearly being influenced by these people in a negative way.”
“Either she thinks/believes as they do… or she’s dangerously gullible and apparently very suggestible. Is this behavior new for her? Has she always been this heavily influenced by other people? Has anything changed with her mental health recently?” – SomeRavenAtMyWindow
“If she is dumb enough to believe anti-vax, Michelle is a man, and all the other MAGA dumbs**t sayings, then she is probably a big racist along with all their other views. The moment they said they were anti-vax, I would never let them in my home or let my child play with theirs.”
“NTA. Your wife is a major one, though.” – destruc786
“I just kind of assumed an adult slumber party would be for swingers. The other couple is a decade younger and presumably more fit and attractive, so it sounded like the wife wanted to spice up their marriage.” – truthseeeeker
“The wife is not just weird. She is a giant f**king a**hole for asking him about a future date and then making that ‘future date’ for later that afternoon when she knows he doesn’t like them. She shouldn’t even have been asking him. She should have known to just make an excuse and say no.”
“Then to make it worse, he goes and tells her he’s mad, and she should have known or discussed it, and she goes and tells them to their faces, ‘My husband doesn’t want you here, go home,’ rather than having any kind of compassion for her husband and making up an excuse.”
“She was always gonna throw him under the bus with them no matter what. She doesn’t give two f**ks about her husband and his wants or needs, and it’s obvious by the fact she keeps inviting these racist anti-vaxxers around despite his discomfort with them.”
“She obviously believes the things the wife spews out because anyone with half a f**king brain cell knows ‘this person is a racist moron, do not associate.'” – OwlAggravating7385
The subReddit was side-eying the situation, wondering what the OP was inadvertently learning about his wife through her involvement with this couple.
Either the couple was changing her and turning her into someone the OP didn’t marry, or they were exposing who she had actually been all along.