As a parent you should find the balance between prioritizing your kid and still taking care of yourself.
Redditor OldMessage5953 encountered this very issue with his son. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for not wanting my son to live with me full time?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (33M) had a kid in high school with my high school sweetheart. We didn’t stay together but we coparent our son ‘Mike’ pretty well.”
“He is now 16 and starting his junior year of high school. There’s no official custody child support agreement but we do every other week, her house or mine. My ex just got married and is moving in with her husband soon.”
“He seems like a good guy and he has twin 8 year old boys.”
“Apparently Mike isn’t a huge fan of his soon to be stepdad and thinks the twins are annoying. He told me when they move he’d rather just live with me full time and he said he told his mom and she was upset but would let him make his own decision.”
“The thing is I actually enjoy this every other week thing a lot.”
“I love having my own place half the time. I have a GF who is here probably 70% of the time Mike is at his mom’s but not too much when he’s here just to give him more room.”
“I also have some friend’s over semi regularly on the weekends that Mike isn’t here. This setup works for me.”
OP’s son was not too happy with the news.
“I told Mike I didn’t think it was a good idea and he should try and build a relationship with his new stepfamily.”
“He said he’s going to college in 2 years so he just has no desire for that. I really don’t want to mess with the current ‘custody’ situation but then part of me feels like I’m being a crappy dad for that.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was the a**hole.
“YTA. Your son comes before your ‘friend’s.’ If it’s only two years before college for him, then why don’t YOU suck it up and put your child first?” ~ bobledrew
“Also, Mike, YOUR SON, comes before your girlfriend. Every time.”
“YTA, OP.” ~ Autumn988
“He’s literally planning to now have his GF come over more to prove to his son he’s going to hate been there full time…just so he can keep his part time father role. What a selfish AH.” ~ noblestromana
“Wait…I thought him having his partner come over more often when his son is staying with him was one of the more reasonable things OP suggested.”
“If he’s as committed to his GF as it sounded (to the point they’re discussing marriage in the coming year), he should absolutely work on fostering the relationship between his partner and son by having her over.”
“While I agree with the sentiment that the needs of minor children have to be the priority for parents, OP is still allowed to have a life and be in a relationship.”
“Having his son get used to his house with both OP and his partner living in it is smart, as the son probably thinks of his dad’s place as the ‘fun boys pad’, whereas that won’t be the case for much longer.” ~ Dreadhawk13
“OP never said ‘he can’t live with me because I’m moving my GF in and he takes up space.'”
“His current arrangement gives him more quality time with his son – this OP has been arranging his social life around his kid, which may have given his son the wrong impression of what living with his dad ft would be like.”
“This OP is already putting his kid above his friends and girlfriend. Whats changing will be bringing his kid more into his “normal” life rather than babying him.” ~ Librarycat77
“He’s listing all his reasons like an honest, multi-dimensional person. His son does not get to bail on his mom just because she has a new husband.”
“That’s not teaching his son anything positive, and what happens when son isn’t happy that dad’s girlfriend is over? Life can be uncomfortable and confusing. There is nothing wrong with allowing your kid to feel a bit uncomfortable in different scenarios, because no one is gonna give a shit about that once he’s an adult and isn’t being emotionally catered to.”
“These threads always remind me Reddit consists of a majority of teenagers acting like advice experts on topics they’ve never experienced.” ~ Cat_Biscuit
OP added some edits.
“Edit: for those asking, the stepdad isn’t abusive or anything and they don’t even fight. He’s just a super talkative guy and Mike thinks he’s annoying and doesn’t want to give living with him a shot.”
“If he did it for 6 months and still hated it, Id let him move in full time if his mom approved it. As of now she was very sad about the request. She is a great mother.”
“Did not expect things to blow up so much overnight. I was giving my personal reasons to make this as honest as I can be. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about other things such as his mom’s relationship with him and him learning to adapt to change.”
“His mother and I are going to discuss this more before I talk to Mike more about it. I’m thinking of something like at least 6 months trying it out with our current arrangement.”
“And while he’s at my place half the time living more like I do when he’s not here so he can see how it would be if he were here full time.”
“I had a call with my SO last night and she said she will start coming over more when Mike is here as we may get married in the next year or so and I want him to realize things wouldn’t be just like the weeks he’s here if he were to live with me full time.”
OP should have an honest conversation with his ex and his kid.