When you’re a parent you play many roles and have many responsibilities.
Everyone has a hand in the day to day.
Especially mom and dad.
Why is it some parents miss the memo?
Case in point…
Redditor yummyforehead wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for calling my brother a shi**y dad and an even shi**ier husband?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (16 M[ale]) have an older brother (26 m) who recently had his first son a month ago.”
“His wife (26 F[emale]) never wanted a kid, but my brother convinced her to have one.”
“This week was the first time I’ve visited since the baby was born, since we live states away.”
“The place was pretty dirty, but I shrugged it off thinking they’re new parents and have their hands full.”
“Then I see his wife, who looked as if she hadn’t showered since the delivery, slept in a week, or anything except take care of the baby.”
“Compared to my brother, who was clean, well kept, and rested, she was a train wreck.”
“While we were there for 4 hours, I really saw how much he contributed.”
“Every time the baby would cry, my brother would hand him off to my mom or his wife.”
“He ran out of the nursery yelling for someone else to change the baby’s diaper, and turns out it was a small turd.”
“Not even a blow out.”
“Other examples of his negligence include insisting we leave the baby home ALONE while we went out for dinner, refusing to bathe him, and yelling at the baby to ‘just go to sleep.'”
“My parents had seen enough in person and sat everyone down, me included.”
“We told him he needs to grow up and help out.”
“But he just kept making excuses like how ‘tired he is from work.'”
“For the record, he works 6/7 hours a day Monday through Friday, sometimes a half day on Saturdays.”
“His logic was that because he works, he can avoid his duties as a father.”
“He is not the breadwinner by the way, the mother works as well, willingly at home.”
“He eventually was mad that we wanted him to be a dad and he just said, “She’s a woman, I’m a man.'”
“‘I don’t take care of him other than sports and teaching him to be a man.'”
“I snapped, and started yelling how he’s a sh**ty dad for neglecting the child he PRESSURED HIS WIFE TO HAVE!!”
“I called him a lousy dad.”
“And how sad it is that he makes everyone else do his duties for him.”
“I called him a deadbeat, adding how he shouldn’t have had a kid if he didn’t want to help out.”
“I said I was sorry his wife married him because he was such a shi**y husband and how much better she can do.”
“And added how I wouldn’t be surprised if they were divorced by the time he was 30.”
“Everyone was silent.”
“My parents told me to wait outside, then later told me to apologize because it was rude and unnecessary.”
“I refused to, but I heard him crying.”
“I don’t know if I took it too far, but I think he needs a reality check so that kid grows up with him present.”
“We tried over the phone before and only were being nice, but that didn’t work.”
“I need to know, Reddit, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Wow, I can barely begin to dissect this whole situation.”
“Your brother pressures his wife to have a baby but does absolutely nothing to help.”
“He works regular hours and she is a fulltime mom plus WTF, but he is ‘too tired’ to give her any help so the house is a mess and she is exhausted and doesn’t even have time for a shower.”
“He won’t feed, change, soothe, or bathe his child. And what???”
“Leave a month-old infant home alone? I hope no one agreed with that.”
“Good on you for calling out your brother.”
“Too bad your parents thought you were rude.”
“Most posters here frown on so-called ‘rude awakenings’ or ‘telling it like it is’ or being ‘brutally honest,’ because TBH people just use those as excuses to be harsh and @$$#°Li$#.”
“But in this case, it was appropriate and necessary.”
“Your brother needed a swift kick.”
“NTA, and your parents are borderline @# for letting their 16-yo say what they should have said.”
“‘She’s a woman, I’m a man. I don’t take care of him other than sports and teaching him to be a man.'”
“Shudder. That poor little kid.”
“What is your brother teaching anyone about being a man, and how does he expect his ‘lessons’ to turn out?”
“His 16-year old brother is a better man than he is and had to teach an ‘adult’ about being a husband and father.”
“I hope you can be part of your nephew’s life, even from a distance, because you are going to be the positive male figure for him.” ~ Rural_Bedbug
“NTA ,but I don’t think you guys need to be pressuring him to be a present father.”
“And, frankly, I’m concerned how far I’ve scrolled at this point with no one mentioning what seems very clear to me:”
“This man is not, and does not deserve to be, a father.”
“He doesn’t need a swift kick, he needs to not be allowed to care for this child.”
“None of you should be trusting a man who is willing to leave a one month old infant home alone without any adult supervision.”
“Nor who screams at that baby to stop crying, with the care of this child.”
“I am honestly terrified that if he were ever left alone with that baby, someone would come home to a tragedy.”
“He does not have what it takes.”
“I think the best way your family could help support your new nephew would be to help the mother seek a different custody arrangement.” ~ b1tchf1t
“OP as a 30 year old woman I am SO PROUD OF YOU for recognizing at 16 that this isn’t how to parent or to be a husband.”
“It is incredibly heartening to know that you hold those values.”
“Please hold onto them as you get older.”
“You did the right thing in calling him out, I hope it was the wake up call he needed.” ~ Anxious_Reporter_601
“NTA. If facts hurt then maybe he should change his behavior.”
“Your parents are completely out of line to ask you to apologize.”
“And he needs to cry.”
“Imagine how much his poor wife has felt like crying.”
“She’s grown and delivered a human being and the person who is supposed to be her adult partner has taken a mental trip to 1949.”
“Way to be a good brother in law.”
“Get yourself a treat.” ~ winsomebunny
“Wanted to hop on this comment to say thank you OP.”
“His wife probably couldn’t say this herself being exhausted and she needed someone to advocate for her in a way that he would understand.”
“HE SHOULD CRY!!”
“He’s letting his wife and child down. Maybe he’ll step up now.” ~ AdAnxious3677
“NTA and don’t apologize.”
“You were rude, yes.”
“But he is being horrible to his family.”
“I would dare say borderline abusive (his wife looking like she hasn’t showered in a month while he obviously has, and him yelling at a one-month-old baby, are red flags for me).”
“Your parents tried the gentle approach but it wasn’t working.”
“If his 16-year-old brother giving him a fatherhood lesson doesn’t make this man wake up, then nothing will.”
“Don’t. Apologize.” ~ Jolly_Tooth_7274
“NTA. OP is a legend. Solid scolding my man!”
“He had it coming and someone had to hit him with it and to be honest I’m glad it was from you.”
“Someone much younger than him to have foresight and compassion for his family above himself.”
“He deserved every word and more.”
“But I bet it stings more from you and your youth attached to have a more grown up approach.” ~ Sirix_8472
“Did you actually say ‘he insisted on leaving the baby home alone while you went out to dinner??'”
“Did that actually happen???? That is so far over the line that it needs to be reported!!!”
“Definitely NTA – you spoke the truth.” ~ justloriinky
OP had a few things to add…
“Hello! Lots of comments and messages asking if Sister In Law is okay.”
“Thank you for your concern.”
“It makes me think humanity isn’t doomed yet. She’s okay.”
“She got the rest she needed while we were there and cleaned herself up.”
“She said that she would probably start making my brother do baby things so she could take care of herself.”
Well OP, sometimes you have to speak your mind, no matter what.
Reddit clearly has no issue with you doing that.
Parenting is a hard job.
And sometimes people need reminding.