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Bride Upset After Dad Threatens To Pull Wedding Fund If She Doesn’t Include ‘Affair Baby’ Sister

Bride sitting on stone steps, looking towards ground.

Family drama and weddings go hand in hand.

As much as everyone loves the special occasion, it can be an event where every person seems to want to have a say in every aspect of the day.

People chime in about seating arrangements and color scheme choices.

And then there is the financial aspect.

Does throwing some coin in the pot give a person a vote?

That is the million-dollar question.

Case in point…

Redditor SleetAndSlide wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for helping to pay for my niece’s wedding so she doesn’t have to involve my family in the wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My (32 F[emale]) brother Nate (49) married his first wife and had my oldest niece Zoe (24 F).”

“Nate cheated on Zoe’s mom when Zoe was 6 and they divorced.”

“Zoe’s mom took her to another city and Zoe would come to us for summer vacation.”

“Nate moved his girlfriend in after the divorce and they had Kim (17 F).”

“I have always sent Zoe Christmas and birthday cards.”

“She would send me a message a few times a year for updates.”

“We are friends on a few social media platforms but we’re both not very active online.”

“Last year Zoe said that she‘s getting married.”

“Our family was happy for her and Nate said he would help pay for the wedding since both Zoe and her fiancée are both only 24.”

“Zoe thanked him and went about planning her wedding.”

“Recently, Nate found out that Kim is just a guest at Zoe’s wedding.”

“He told her she should make her only sister the M[aid] O[f] H[onor].”

“Zoe said that position was for her best friend who’s been in her life since she was ten.”

“Nate was not happy but then suggested Kim could be a bridesmaid and Zoe said no, that although she feels bad for feeling this way, Kim IS the proof of him cheating on her mom and she is uncomfortable having Kim as anything other than a guest at her wedding.”

“Nate then said Zoe needs to make Kim a bridesmaid or he will pull all the funds from her wedding.”

“When I learned of this, I lost it on my family, especially my parents, asking how they could back Nate up on such a thing.”

“They said they agree that it is a little mean but this needs to be done to keep the family together!”

“How can Zoe get married and not have her only sister involved at all?”

“I happen to be doing rather well financially.”

“I called Zoe to console her and asked her how she planned to proceed with the wedding.”

“Zoe said they would scale down the wedding.”

“It would be a shame but it was the only way her fiancée and she could pay on their own.”

“I asked for the difference and since it was only just over 10K I told Zoe she could consider it a wedding gift from me and she could have her dream wedding.”

“Zoe was ecstatic.”

“She said I gave her the ability to really have her wedding the way she wanted it.”

“My family was mad at me when they learned what I did.”

“Kim was actually crying and said she was looking forward to being a bridesmaid at the wedding and I ruined everything.”

“Nate said Zoe wouldn’t even let him walk her down the aisle now and my parents added that all their extended family and friends will talk about how dysfunctional our family is.”

The OP was left to wonder:

“My family gave me such grief that I wonder AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. You are a saint.”

“Zoe isn’t snubbing people or making it a big deal to exclude people, she’s just not going out of her way to appease other people’s unreasonable requests for her wedding.”

“And the fact that Kim said she was ‘looking forward to being a bridesmaid at the wedding’ and saying you ruined that means that she was promised that her dad would be able to manipulate Zoe into giving her what she wanted.”

“That doesn’t sound like a loving father or half-sister that’s bothered or hurt by the lacking relationship with Zoe.”

“That’s a couple of self-pitying AH who are willing to use Zoe to get something they want and are upset that they’ve been denied the chance to take advantage of her.”

“Also, being in a wedding party is a big responsibility; being the MOH even more so. Is the 17-year-old going to plan the bachelorette party?”

“Attend wedding dress shopping?”

“Coordinate the other bridesmaids?”

“Be someone the bride can lean on for emotional support?”

“Protect the bride from unnecessary stress?”

“It’s not a prize or a gift you just give to a child because they want it.”

“If she wants to put on a pretty dress for a fancy party she can save it for junior prom.” ~ EmergencyKind8967

“Good point. Dad was willing to ruin Zoe’s wedding over his spolit affair baby had her heart set on being a bridesmaid and now is mad she can’t walk her down the aisle!”

“He lost that privilege when he started playing games with his daughter’s wedding.”

“Good for you OP!”

“Finally someone who can see what’s right and wrong and is willing to do the step up and help. NTA.” ~ Apart_Foundation1702

“No 17-year-old should be MOH.”

“They don’t have the knowledge, skills, or ability to do it.”

“The position needs to be filled by an adult.”

“Parents need to learn that the bride and groom are the ones who choose who stands with them.”

“Nope, not even parents footing the bill.”

“They also have no right to dictate who pays.”

“OP, you are wonderful for stepping up to help Zoe.”

“I find it amusing that NOW they’re worried about what others will think.”

“I think everyone already knows!” ~ Intermountain

“Amen! I helped my sister pay for her wedding, and frankly, I was relieved to not be in the wedding party.”

“I was not offended whatsoever.”

“I had already been a bridesmaid for another sister and knew the stress that comes with it.”

“However, my last unmarried sister is getting married this year, and I felt obligated to say yes to being a bridesmaid for her since it’s just the sisters and her one best friend that she asked for.”

“I’m dreading it.”

“But I’ll put on a smile and hide my feelings to make my sister happy.” ~ shork2005

“Exactly! Zoe was already planning to do the wedding without their father’s money so that she could have who she wants at the wedding party.”

“Even if OP didn’t offer to pay for it Kim was never going to be a bridesmaid so none of that is OP’s fault, Zoe was still going to have the wedding just scaled back.”

“Many people don’t put their siblings in the wedding party ever those they are close with sometimes they just want friends or they don’t want their siblings to have to deal with all the responsibilities it takes to be in the wedding party and feel it’s just easier for them to be guests.”

“So not having her at the wedding isn’t a big deal.”

“Her reasoning makes sense because Kim is a product of an affair it would be kinda awkward since both parents will likely be there Zoe was thinking about her mother and how hard it would probably be to have to watch her standing next to her daughter.”

“It doesn’t necessarily mean she didn’t like Kim.”

“Although her spoiled and entitled behavior definitely proves that she shouldn’t be included.” ~ cara1888

“If Kimberley were a decent human being crying because she felt rejected by her half-sister that would be one thing.”

“However, Kimberley is crying because her father failed to strong-arm Zoe into giving little Kimmie a chance to get a dress, fancy hair, and makeup, get some spotlight, and then loads of photos for the ‘gram.”

“She KNOWS Zoe doesn’t want her as MOH, but is fine with Daddy nuking the wedding to get her own way and is crying with rage and frustration because OP’s financial rescue means Daddy’s blackmail wasn’t going to work.”

“If Kimberley was crying for anything but selfish vanity, she’d be crying because Zoe didn’t want her, not because Daddy couldn’t force the issue.”

“I have NO sympathy for that level of selfishness, even from a teenager.” ~ Thelibraryvixen

“NTA. Go, aunt, go!”

“Zoe should be able to have her wedding the way she wants to and your supporting funds help her with that.”

“Now she gets to cherish this happy memory for the rest of her life.”

“Your family, from what you say here, is definitely dysfunctional and I bet the extended family and friends already know this.”

“A bit too late to try to save face now if you ask me.” ~ BBQQuails

“Absolutely, unequivocally NTA.”

“Your bro and your parents are the AHs.”

“Zoe had a super valid reason, and even having her sister and her dad at the wedding was gracious enough.”

“It also sounds like your parents enable your a**hole bro.”

“You’re an awesome aunt!” ~ Spare-Article-396

“NTA. Zoe is entitled to have anyone she wants in her bridal party or at the wedding (I’m a little surprised she’d even invite Kim).”

“It’s completely understandable that she wouldn’t want her half-sister in her bridal party if they have no real relationship and given your family history.”

“You’re doing a good thing by facilitating the wedding she wants to have.” ~ d1rkgent1y

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

It’s your money.

You get to do whatever you want with it.

This sounds like one family drama that isn’t your issue to solve.

You did a nice thing for your niece.

Cheers to being the favorite Aunt.

Have fun at the wedding.