It’s difficult to imagine someone assuming a compliment for one person is an insult to another.
Redditor aitathorwawayfam just wanted to appreciate her husband in an online post. However, the original poster (OP)’s father felt it was a dig at him and wanted her to change it.
OP doesn’t want to change it, but isn’t sure if that makes her a jerk. So she asked the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) board on Reddit about it.
The question asked was:
“AITA for refusing to take down a Facebook post about my husband being a good dad because my father got offended?”
Why would her father be offended?
“Hi Reddit. I’m in a little bit of a pickle here. I met my husband when I was in my mid 20s and he was in his early 30s.”
“I told him right away that I always wanted to be a stay at home mother and he wasn’t super excited about the idea but after we got married and were ready to have kids, he agreed. This meant that he had to change his career path to a much more stressful and demanding job than he had before in order to make more money and I’ve always been super thankful for this.”
“My husband and I have two children now. A 1 year old and a 3 year old. As you can imagine sometimes this gets hectic. I’ve been a little stressed and tired lately, being a stay at home mom is quiet a bit of work and I was telling my husband I felt like I needed a little break.”
“He gave me some cash and told me to plan a fun girls day for me and my best friend. So today my friend and I went to get mani pedis and to brunch.”
“Then I got home my husband was sitting playing barbies with our kids and he was really into it. It was really cute watching this 6’4 man sitting on the floor playing Elsa with the kids and being really invested in the part, so I took a few pictures.”
“I know he’s been working hard and is also really tired and I appreciated the fact that he really wanted to give me a nice day, so I posted a picture of him on the floor with the kids with the caption of ‘World’s best husband and father, words cannot express my love and appreciation for this man.’”
“Well my own father saw the post and ‘angry’ reacted to it. My mom called me later and told me my dad was really hurt and stated that he really tried to be a good dad etc. and the post made him feel like I was saying he wasn’t a good father.”
“I told my mom I didn’t want to change the post caption. My mother got really upset and told me I was going to give my dad a heart attack.”
“I think I might be the a**hole here because it is a little petty to refuse to change a caption for the sake of family harmony. So Reddit am I the a**hole?”
“TLDR: my husband provided a really nice day for me and I posted a picture of him on FB saying worlds best father / husband. My own dad got upset.”
OP updated and provided a little more context to some of her story.
“EDIT: first of all thank you all for your kindness and support. I appreciate the perspectives from all of you.”
“Second just to clarify, my dad thinks he was a good dad but he was a terrible father. My parents would scream at each other constantly, he would throw and break things, call me and my sister names like ‘r*t*rd, slut, little whores, ugly,’ etc. when we were kids and my mom would defend it.”
“He ruined birthdays by throwing a tantrum with waiters at restaurants saying the food wasn’t good etc. And then other times things would be fine and he would be nice, but I have a lot of emotional damage from that.”
“Third, I didn’t think about making the post private or hiding it from my parents because I didn’t think it would be an issue. I’ve made other things private from them in the past.”
“Fourth, my husband greats breaks all the time, I am Not a nagging shrew wife who doesn’t let him leave the house lol. This was just a day where I got a day off, didn’t think I had to mention that my husband got days off too. Lol”
On the AITA subReddit, people are judged for their actions. Other users vote to determine whether or not they were wrong.
This is done by including one of the following in their responding comment:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP wanted to do something nice for her husband. This literally had nothing to do with her father.
Why would she be the a**hole for doing something nice for her husband?
“NTA if your dad read that and took it to mean that he isn’t a good father despite it not mentioning him at all, then maybe he should go sit in the corner and think about what he’s done over the years that would make his mind immediately jump to that conclusion.” – Downtown-Law-3133
“NTA. Are your parents always massive drama llamas? He’s going to have a heart attack because you called your husband the world’s best father–slap a warning sticker on this man because he is disturbingly fragile.” – Jazmadoodle
“NTA”
“The fact your father found a way to make that post about himself is kind of … odd. I wonder what will happen if you or your kids ever get your husband any kind of “World’s #1 Dad” gift (e.g., coffee mug, shirt), will they ask you to burn it?” – Judgemental_Panda
Other commenters couldn’t believe what OP’s dad was trying to do.
“NTA. Why does your father make this about him? You said nothing nasty about him.”
“If you think your dad was a good dad then maybe Post sometime a cute pic of you and your dad and say something nice. It takes nothing away from your dad when you say something about your husband that is nice and vice versa about your dad.”
“If he wasn’t a good dad then it is his guilt speaking not anything you’ve done” – Floridagir1
“He honestly wasn’t a great dad. He was mean, he made fun of me a lot as a child. Not great.” – aitathorwawayfam (OP)
“There you have it: it’s his guilty conscience talking.” – Paindepiceaubeurre
It’s not OP’s fault that her dad reacted so negatively. He may be better off thinking about why a post praising her husband upsets him.
Maybe the dad can talk with a therapist.