While weddings are always a joyous, happy day, planning a wedding is never quite as fun.
Among the many tedious tasks leading up to the big day is who to invite and who not to invite.
Generally speaking, family, both immediate and distant, often always make the cut.
This doesn’t mean family members aren’t occasionally overlooked for wedding invites, often for reasons that might surprise them.
Redditor Mammoth_Inside_2431 was shocked to discover that two of his children weren’t invited to their sister’s upcoming wedding.
When the original poster (OP) confronted his daughter about this, he was surprised to find that not only was this not an oversight, but her reasons for doing so were shocking, to say the least.
As a result, the OP gave his daughter an ultimatum if she did not invite her two siblings and their families.
Wondering if he was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my daughter I will not be walking her down the isle unless she invites her siblings and their families to her wedding?”
The OP explained why he told his daughter he would neither fund her wedding nor walk her down the aisle unless she updated her guest list.
“I (56 M[ale]) have 5 children.”
“This is about 3 of them Casey (26 F[emale]), Alex (31NB [non-binary]) and Tom (34 M).”
“The names are not their true names.”
“My daughter Casey is getting married this winter to her fiancé Max (27 M)who she has been together with for about 4 years.”
“I am covering the majority of the wedding expenses as Max’s family lives in a different country and with the currency exchange rate they won’t be able to afford the wedding and both to come to the wedding.”
“I have no issues with it and just want my little girl to be happy.”
“Last week while Casey was away, my children Alex and Tom came to visit with their families and we were talking about wedding invitations.”
“I was surprised to hear that they haven’t received their wedding invitations, so I just thought that Casey haven’t sent them out yet for everyone, until my oldest and youngest daughter’s pointed out they have received their invitations with their kids and partners invited.”
“I called my sister who also said Casey has invited their whole family to the wedding too and she received hers a while back, so I immediately saw red.”
“Both Alex and Tom have husbands and have children (adopted) and it seemed Casey has excluded them because of their choices.”
“It also seemed weird since Casey has always been close to them and supported them when they came out as nonbinary and gay respectively.”
“I have called Casey and demanded an explanation.”
“My daughter said that Max and his family don’t feel comfortable with couples that are not traditional and it goes against their culture and that she hopes for my understanding.”
“I have told her if that’s the case I will not be walking her down the isle and pull out from paying for her wedding, as she can not exclude her family like this when they did nothing wrong and if her future in laws opinion is so important to her, they can pay for the wedding.”
“As a result Casey has called me an a**hole and hung up crying.”
“My children are on my side, my wife is torn as she understands where Casey comes from but agrees she shouldn’t have excluded her siblings like this.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for telling Casey he wouldn’t walk her down the aisle or pay for her wedding if she didn’t invite her siblings.
Everyone agreed that it was dismaying and wrong that Casey was so willing to cater to Max’s family without considering how hurt her own family would be. Many pointed out that the OP gave in to this, it likely would not be the last time Alex and Tom are excluded by Casey.
“Ask Casey why she would think the wedding should accommodate their family and not yours?”
“Especially considering you’re paying for it.”- zanderbean
“It wouldn’t just be the wedding.”
“If the in-laws are this ‘uncomfortable’, then Alex and Tom would be excluded from every family event Casey hosts.”
“Holidays, if she wants to host a holiday.”
“All birthday parties, if she has kids.”
“Any and all other events surrounding any kids they might have—sports, graduations, ballet recitals.”
“If Casey gives into this demand, she is effectively cutting off her own [siblings].”
“It won’t be every event, as the in-laws live in another country, but it will be at least some of them.”
“Why not invite everyone, inform everyone of who is coming, and let the ‘uncomfortable’ ones stay home?”
“It goes against your culture to exclude family members from family events.”
“Casey and her fiancé have to make some tough decisions here.”- krankykitty
“She’s being bigoted and hateful to your other children, so she can pay for her own wedding.”-suchredditmuchvotes
“So, where will this end?”
“If Casey and Max have kids, will Alex and Tom have to stay away then too?”
“If Casey and Max host any holidays, will Alex and Tom not be invited?”
“Can Casey still come to family gatherings where Alex and Tom will be, or will she have to stay away to make Max and his family happy?”
“Casey cant really win this and keep both her future marriage and family intact at the same time, if Max and his family puts their foot down about their bigotry, and it seems like she is siding with the bigots (for now at least).”- chonkosaurusrexx
“Casey can be bigoted on her own dime.”
“I would never put my money into an event that discriminated against two of my kids like this.”
“I also think it’s pretty scummy that she didn’t even have the guts to tell Alex and Tom they were being excluded.”- crockofpot
“I wouldn’t go, if it was my daughter excluding family based on that sh*t.”- StopStealingCats
“NTA and convince your confused wife to support you in your decision.”
“Do not forgive her, how dare she exclude her own family from the wedding in favor of the laws?”-Wingardiumis
“You generosity is being abused by Max and his family.”
“Surely they would have known the truth about Alex and Tom before accepting the money.”
“It is sad that your daughter is complicit and this behavior will only get worse after marriage.”
“I applaud you for taking such a strong stance.”- rittwikaPM-7552
“I was fully prepared to deliver a YTA based on the title, but the reason they’re not invited is heartbreaking and terrible.”
“You should not foot the bill for a party that celebrates a union of your family and Max’s if they don’t accept your entire family.”
“You’re right that if they think they’re entitled to dictate which members of Casey’s family are allowed to attend, they’re the ones who should pay for it.”
“Also, how terrible that Casey feels pressured to make a ‘good impression’ on them when they obviously don’t feel the need to extend the same courtesy in return.”
“Good for you for standing up for your kids and their families.”
“They’re lucky to have a father who supports them and advocates for them.”
“NTA all the way.”- allie06nd
“So your money is good enough for them, but your kids and grandkids aren’t?”
“By condoning the bigotry of her fiance and his family your daughter is also a bigot herself.”
“Don’t back down. She is making her choice. You need to make your choice, and you cannot support her behavior. Paying for the wedding and attending it would also mean you are accepting it, condoning it.”
“In this case, you need to stand up for your other children.”
“If you give her a pass on this now, what other occasions are your children going to be excluded from.”- Mishy162
NTA. I go by the idea that the couple getting married get to control whom they invite.”
“However I also feel that guests, in this case you, have a right to refuse to participate in the wedding if they feel there is an important reason to not do so.”
“You also have a right to refuse to contribute financially if you feel you have an important reason not to.”
“Your daughter’s willingness to exclude her siblings from her wedding in order to satisfy the cultural bigotry of her in-laws certainly fits my definition of ‘important reason’.”
“As one ‘Father of the Bride’ to another, you are doing the right thing standing up for your other kids.”- VariousTry4624
It is pretty dismaying that Casey would so easily conform to Max’s family, rather than stand up for her own.
Equally dismaying is the fact that she thought the OP would be understanding of this decision or that she didn’t bring it up with them before sending out invitations.
It’s safe to say that not having funding or someone to walk her down the aisle is the very least of Casey’s problems.