No matter how much of a foodie we might be, we all have a food that we do not enjoy. Others have a slightly pickier palette, whether it’s because of preferences or serious dietary needs.
But some people have such adamant dislikes, and even picky preferences, that it makes it difficult to be around them, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor MortgageTrick2436 was sick of spending time with her son’s wife, who was an incredibly picky eater, to the point of ruining events that involved food.
But when her son ridiculed her for not inviting her to the latest family dinner to avoid the typical drama, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she’d taken her frustrations too far.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my DIL (Daughter-in-Law) she wasn’t invited [to our family dinner] since she’s an embarrassment at dinners because she’s such a picky eater?”
The OP was deeply frustrated by her son’s wife’s eating habits.
“My son has been married for two years at this point. We get along as well as water and oil. I just keep my distance because I don’t like dealing with his wife.”
“She is a horrible picky eater. I don’t know why, but truly, I don’t care, because she is a pain at restaurants.”
“We try to go anywhere, and we have to change places multiple times so she can have something to eat.”
“She makes the waiters go through hoops so she will have something she likes, and if anything is wrong, she will bi**h about it or pout in the corner.”
“For example, she got a quesadilla, removed everything on it, and when it came out, she sent it back because there was sour cream on the side. It wasn’t touching anything and she made a huge deal about her food being wrong. She doesn’t have allergies, either.”
The daughter-in-law’s pickiness even impacted a past funeral.
“What really made me dislike her is that she complained about the food at a funeral. They had a sandwich spread but went on about how gross it was multiple times.”
“We had even talked to her about the menu before the funeral, but nothing helped.”
“My daughter told her to shut the f**k up at that funeral, and it was a huge problem, and her brother went no contact for a bit. It’s been a MESS.”
The OP did not want to include her at a recent event.
“So I had a dinner yesterday and I invited everyone but my son’s wife (my son wasn’t invited, either, but he wasn’t impacted as much, because he was on a business trip).”
“My other DIL (Daughter-in-Law) posted about it online, and so I got a call from the picky DIL. She was p**sed I didn’t invite her and asked why.”
“I told her it was due to her being an embarrassment at dinners and I won’t be inviting her to dinners.”
“She called me a jerk and hung up.”
The OP’s son stood against her actions.
“Now my son is on my a**, and I am wondering if I should apologize or not.”
“He thinks I should be more welcoming to her and give her more grace, and he does justify her behavior.”
“Our personalities do not mesh. She is extremely dramatic and I get annoyed being around her for more than a few hours. The food is my main issue with her, but even without that, we wouldn’t be besties.”
“He always says to drop it and that she is fine. If we push, he goes on about us not welcoming her. It’s frustrating.”
The OP was thoroughly fed up with her daughter-in-law’s behavior.
“I’m going to say it, it doesn’t matter to me why she is this way. It doesn’t matter if she has an eating disorder or is on the spectrum. Both of those groups know how to act at a funeral or restaurant. It may be harder but they can.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said they wouldn’t invite the DIL to anything food-related after the funeral incident.
“NTA. She OPENLY complained about the sandwich spread at a funeral? That’s all you have to point out to her, to your son, and to anyone else who challenges you on this.”
“She either behaves at mealtime like a decent human being or you, for one, will not be inviting her to dinner.”
“High time she gets ousted from anything involving food. This is behavior you wouldn’t let an eight-year-old get away with, and it’s outrageous for her to continually be indulged.” – Auntie-Mam69
“Who goes to a funeral for the food in the first place?? I mean, are you serious?”
“Imagine hearing a relative has passed away, and your first thought is, ‘Gee, I wonder what kind of spread they’ll have and if I’ll like it.'”
“Insanity.” – Wet_Sock_Owner
“After my husband passed this summer, it was three days before I actually felt like eating anything and then it was only because I was forcing myself. I know there was food at the funeral because I paid for it. I also sent most of it home for family and friends. The rest I gave to the staff who were working.”
“Have a sit down with your DIL and son. Don’t call her rude or picky because those words are inflammatory, and all they will hear is her being called names.”
“Explain that, while you love her company, her eating habits are so extreme that it is difficult to plan any food-based gathering. In the future, you will tell them what is on the menu, and she can either choose to eat what is served as it is served or bring something for herself to eat or not attend.”
“Your son has been enabling this behavior. Two of my children married picky eaters. We are all now surprised at what they will order at restaurants because they have been trying new foods first and other food they continue to try even if they didn’t like it at first.”
“We (20 people) also have multiple food allergies, dietary requirements, dietary preferences, and lifestyle choices such as vegetarian. But we are successful at holding family gatherings with food because most of these people are adults who take care of their own food needs.” – karenrn64
“Her EATING habits are not the problem. She can eat whatever she likes. The problem is her DRAMA habits.” – TjW0569
“I’ve known incredibly picky eaters. In a situation like a funeral, they eat what they can and keep their bloody mouth shut about it. Or at a restaurant, you can send something back, but eventually, most people just go, ‘I’m moving on from this,’ and maybe leave a bad review online.”
“Even moving restaurants multiple times in order for her to find something to eat is a lot to deal with. If she has allergies, it’s a different story, but if it’s just that she’s picky, she can either eat before she comes and push a salad around her plate or decide not to come.” – haleofshine
Others agreed and understood why the OP was so fed up, no matter the DIL’s reasons.
“I have issues with food. I am in pain 24 hours a day, seven days a week, so eating is a low priority for my body, no matter how hungry I am. I can only keep certain (gentle) foods down.”
“Do you know what I do when I’m in public? I don’t f**king eat. Because dealing with my body’s unreasonable +no, not gonna do that’ isn’t everyone’s problem. I just wait until I am home and calm and as relaxed as I can get, then I try to eat.”
“If you have food issues, then you should eat before or after the event, and just smile and try to enjoy the atmosphere. Unless it’s a funeral. Then you should be appropriately mournful and definitely shut the f**k up about how the sandwiches don’t look yummy to you.” – Reflection_Secure
“OP is NTA. If the DIL has such extreme issues, she can be polite for a few hours, keep her mouth shut, and have her husband cater to her extreme food needs. He married her so he can cater to her.”
“It’s like those picky backstage requirements that rock bands make to see if the contract managers are paying attention. If the absence or presence of brown M&M’s or Flintstone vitamins is so vital to their performance, they can provide them or remove them themselves.” – Chateaudelait
“I wouldn’t let my three-year-old get away with this behavior. We say, ‘No, thank you,’ but never, ‘That’s yucky.’ Sounds like the daughter-in-law needs some lessons.” – freya_of_milfgaard
“I don’t get why she complained about the sour cream if it was on the side and not touching anything. Ultimately, I see it as rude, and for SIL, ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,’ that we learned as kids must have never stuck.” – Fionaelaine4
“I have a relative that consistently interrupts holiday meals with complaints that something is wrong. There have been years of trying to accommodate the complaints. The last attempt was to tell the relative to order and/or make a holiday meal that meets his standards. He did nothing.”
“We started this year to have holiday meals without this person. The complaints are a way to control people who are eager to please to provide a nice meal.”
“The DIL behavior is a way of controlling group meals with constant complaints.” – FiveUpsideDown
Most of the subReddit’s conversation circled around and around the subject of the daughter-in-law’s behavior at the funeral, simply because that would have been the final straw for most of these Redditors to never include her at an event that in some way involved food ever again.
But also, the daughter-in-law made a huge assumption about the dinner that she had not been invited to. Just because one of her in-laws posted about it on social media didn’t mean that it was an open event from which she had been maliciously excluded. She would have been pretty embarrassed if just a few family members had gotten together to discuss something serious and private.
But then again, the daughter-in-law really should have been more embarrassed about her behavior, period.