No matter how much of a foodie we might be, we all have a food that we do not enjoy. Others have a slightly pickier palette, whether it's because of preferences or serious dietary needs.
But some people have such adamant dislikes, and even picky preferences, that it makes it difficult to be around them, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor MortgageTrick2436 was sick of spending time with her son's wife, who was an incredibly picky eater, to the point of ruining events that involved food.
But when her son ridiculed her for not inviting her to the latest family dinner to avoid the typical drama, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she'd taken her frustrations too far.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for telling my DIL (Daughter-in-Law) she wasn't invited [to our family dinner] since she's an embarrassment at dinners because she's such a picky eater?"
The OP was deeply frustrated by her son's wife's eating habits.
"My son has been married for two years at this point. We get along as well as water and oil. I just keep my distance because I don't like dealing with his wife."
"She is a horrible picky eater. I don't know why, but truly, I don't care, because she is a pain at restaurants."
"We try to go anywhere, and we have to change places multiple times so she can have something to eat."
"She makes the waiters go through hoops so she will have something she likes, and if anything is wrong, she will bi**h about it or pout in the corner."
"For example, she got a quesadilla, removed everything on it, and when it came out, she sent it back because there was sour cream on the side. It wasn't touching anything and she made a huge deal about her food being wrong. She doesn't have allergies, either."
The daughter-in-law's pickiness even impacted a past funeral.
"What really made me dislike her is that she complained about the food at a funeral. They had a sandwich spread but went on about how gross it was multiple times."
"We had even talked to her about the menu before the funeral, but nothing helped."
"My daughter told her to shut the f**k up at that funeral, and it was a huge problem, and her brother went no contact for a bit. It's been a MESS."
The OP did not want to include her at a recent event.
"So I had a dinner yesterday and I invited everyone but my son's wife (my son wasn't invited, either, but he wasn't impacted as much, because he was on a business trip)."
"My other DIL (Daughter-in-Law) posted about it online, and so I got a call from the picky DIL. She was p**sed I didn't invite her and asked why."
"I told her it was due to her being an embarrassment at dinners and I won't be inviting her to dinners."
"She called me a jerk and hung up."
The OP's son stood against her actions.
"Now my son is on my a**, and I am wondering if I should apologize or not."
"He thinks I should be more welcoming to her and give her more grace, and he does justify her behavior."
"Our personalities do not mesh. She is extremely dramatic and I get annoyed being around her for more than a few hours. The food is my main issue with her, but even without that, we wouldn't be besties."
"He always says to drop it and that she is fine. If we push, he goes on about us not welcoming her. It's frustrating."
The OP was thoroughly fed up with her daughter-in-law's behavior.
"I'm going to say it, it doesn't matter to me why she is this way. It doesn't matter if she has an eating disorder or is on the spectrum. Both of those groups know how to act at a funeral or restaurant. It may be harder but they can."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said they wouldn't invite the DIL to anything food-related after the funeral incident.
"NTA. She OPENLY complained about the sandwich spread at a funeral? That's all you have to point out to her, to your son, and to anyone else who challenges you on this."
"She either behaves at mealtime like a decent human being or you, for one, will not be inviting her to dinner."
"High time she gets ousted from anything involving food. This is behavior you wouldn't let an eight-year-old get away with, and it's outrageous for her to continually be indulged." - Auntie-Mam69
"Who goes to a funeral for the food in the first place?? I mean, are you serious?"
"Imagine hearing a relative has passed away, and your first thought is, 'Gee, I wonder what kind of spread they'll have and if I'll like it.'"
"Insanity." - Wet_Sock_Owner
"After my husband passed this summer, it was three days before I actually felt like eating anything and then it was only because I was forcing myself. I know there was food at the funeral because I paid for it. I also sent most of it home for family and friends. The rest I gave to the staff who were working."
"Have a sit down with your DIL and son. Don't call her rude or picky because those words are inflammatory, and all they will hear is her being called names."
"Explain that, while you love her company, her eating habits are so extreme that it is difficult to plan any food-based gathering. In the future, you will tell them what is on the menu, and she can either choose to eat what is served as it is served or bring something for herself to eat or not attend."
"Your son has been enabling this behavior. Two of my children married picky eaters. We are all now surprised at what they will order at restaurants because they have been trying new foods first and other food they continue to try even if they didn't like it at first."
"We (20 people) also have multiple food allergies, dietary requirements, dietary preferences, and lifestyle choices such as vegetarian. But we are successful at holding family gatherings with food because most of these people are adults who take care of their own food needs." - karenrn64
"Her EATING habits are not the problem. She can eat whatever she likes. The problem is her DRAMA habits." - TjW0569
"I've known incredibly picky eaters. In a situation like a funeral, they eat what they can and keep their bloody mouth shut about it. Or at a restaurant, you can send something back, but eventually, most people just go, 'I'm moving on from this,' and maybe leave a bad review online."
"Even moving restaurants multiple times in order for her to find something to eat is a lot to deal with. If she has allergies, it's a different story, but if it's just that she's picky, she can either eat before she comes and push a salad around her plate or decide not to come." - haleofshine
Others agreed and understood why the OP was so fed up, no matter the DIL's reasons.
"I have issues with food. I am in pain 24 hours a day, seven days a week, so eating is a low priority for my body, no matter how hungry I am. I can only keep certain (gentle) foods down."
"Do you know what I do when I'm in public? I don't f**king eat. Because dealing with my body's unreasonable +no, not gonna do that' isn't everyone's problem. I just wait until I am home and calm and as relaxed as I can get, then I try to eat."
"If you have food issues, then you should eat before or after the event, and just smile and try to enjoy the atmosphere. Unless it's a funeral. Then you should be appropriately mournful and definitely shut the f**k up about how the sandwiches don't look yummy to you." - Reflection_Secure
"OP is NTA. If the DIL has such extreme issues, she can be polite for a few hours, keep her mouth shut, and have her husband cater to her extreme food needs. He married her so he can cater to her."
"It's like those picky backstage requirements that rock bands make to see if the contract managers are paying attention. If the absence or presence of brown M&M's or Flintstone vitamins is so vital to their performance, they can provide them or remove them themselves." - Chateaudelait
"I wouldn't let my three-year-old get away with this behavior. We say, 'No, thank you,' but never, 'That's yucky.' Sounds like the daughter-in-law needs some lessons." - freya_of_milfgaard
"I don't get why she complained about the sour cream if it was on the side and not touching anything. Ultimately, I see it as rude, and for SIL, 'if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all,' that we learned as kids must have never stuck." - Fionaelaine4
"I have a relative that consistently interrupts holiday meals with complaints that something is wrong. There have been years of trying to accommodate the complaints. The last attempt was to tell the relative to order and/or make a holiday meal that meets his standards. He did nothing."
"We started this year to have holiday meals without this person. The complaints are a way to control people who are eager to please to provide a nice meal."
"The DIL behavior is a way of controlling group meals with constant complaints." - FiveUpsideDown
Most of the subReddit's conversation circled around and around the subject of the daughter-in-law's behavior at the funeral, simply because that would have been the final straw for most of these Redditors to never include her at an event that in some way involved food ever again.
But also, the daughter-in-law made a huge assumption about the dinner that she had not been invited to. Just because one of her in-laws posted about it on social media didn't mean that it was an open event from which she had been maliciously excluded. She would have been pretty embarrassed if just a few family members had gotten together to discuss something serious and private.
But then again, the daughter-in-law really should have been more embarrassed about her behavior, period.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.