Homeownership requires a lot of work, which can be loud, messy, expensive, and time-consuming.
The neighbors don’t always fall in line with the progress.
So, how does everyone make it work?
Case in point…
Redditor patternwaves wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for not delaying our rebuild for our pregnant neighbors?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“We are planning on doing a major rebuild on our old row house and finalized everything around two weeks ago, we are excited as it has taken us nearly 1.5 years to get here.”
“We texted our neighbors this weekend to let them know construction would start at the end of the month for approximately 3-4 months.”
“We are not extremely close with the neighbors but always pleasant.”
“One neighbor came by to talk to us after we sent the text and expressed disappointment in the timing because his girlfriend is pregnant and due next week.”
“We ourselves were never told of her pregnancy until December and that she was due sometime in February.”
“He also asked about our rebuild on his own, and my partner mentioned it might happen sometime in April, which was our original start date.”
“We told him how sorry we were for the timing, but obviously, it wasn’t intentional.”
“10 minutes after he left, we received a text asking if we were available to talk the next day about possible solutions and if we could delay the rebuild by 3-4 months.”
“We agreed to meet but told him delaying was not possible because we already have another place lined up for us to live in, contractor agreement, etc.”
“Needless to say, the meeting was not ideal.”
“The girlfriend cried the entire time while apologizing for crying and hormones.”
“She said she has not cried as much as she has in the past 24 hours as she has in the past two years.”
“She’s worried how this will affect the baby because she’s stressed now.”
“She couldn’t believe that we just sent them a text message only a month in advance and that we should have come talk to them in person as this was the first she was hearing about this.”
“Did we even put ourselves in their shoes?”
“They have nowhere else to go.”
“They are concerned with how this affects their own sleep because the baby will be up at night. They need to sleep during the day, and they won’t be able to with construction.”
“If we did the rebuild three months later, then it would at least be summer, and they could go outside to escape the noise.”
“They also kept repeating what if we just say, ‘No this can’t happen.'”
“We obviously feel for them as new parents expecting a baby, and we all live in old row houses, so I get how noisy and distributive it will be.”
“We told them we would get them a build schedule so they could see what days would be noisiest, and they want us to ask the contractor if there can be quiet hours from 12-3.”
“I don’t think that is realistic and don’t know what else we could do to amend the situation.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“It’s a baby.”
“It’s going to make noise all on its own.”
“It can now make as much noise as it likes without disturbing you next door and without its parents being worried about it doing so.”
“This is a massive overreaction from your neighbors.”
“I would suggest you stop being quite so accommodating and concentrate instead on your own plans and carrying them forward. NTA.” ~ REDDIT
“100% agree. Tell them to buy a great white noise machine, and don’t think anything further of it.”
“I have a 1-year-old.”
“If they want to sleep, they will sleep through anything.”
“If they don’t want to, a tissue dropping will wake them up.” ~ Confuzzle-Puzzle
“My daughter literally slept through a freaking MARCHING BAND at eight months.”
“We were at a parade.”
“One of the best ways to sabotage yourself is to train your baby to sleep only when it’s silent.
“I never understood those people. The ‘Shhhhh the baby is sleeping!’ people.”
“My second daughter had a little boppy pillow covered with a blanket in our living room that she would crawl over to and just fall asleep on when she wanted a nap.”
“She did this as soon as she learned to crawl and kept it up for months.”
“I could vacuum next to her while she was sleeping in her little nest, and she wouldn’t even stir.”
“So many people forget that life is seldom silent.” ~ ireallymissbuffy
“It really depends on the baby.”
“Some babies wake up super easily and then won’t go back down, and it creates a cycle of them being overtired.”
“You can’t train them out of it; it’s just like adults.”
“I can sleep through anything, literally, and have had to find solutions to allow me to wake up when necessary.”
“My spouse wakes when a mouse farts.”
“In their own home, parents are allowed to set the sleeping conditions.”
“Out in the world, I would agree that asking people to be quiet doesn’t make any sense.” ~ NineElfJeer
“Lol, this reminds me of a time when we were at a water park resort with our three kids and in-laws, and our youngest was a toddler.”
“The fire alarm went off, and we were told to evacuate.”
“We were on the first floor, so we could just go outside through our room’s back doors onto the resort’s back property where everyone was gathering.”
“My toddler slept through the whole thing.”
“Obviously, we would have grabbed him had there been a real emergency, but chances were a kid was having fun pulling the alarm.”
“It was the loudest thing I have ever heard.”
“Also, all of my kids sleep with fans in their rooms for air circulation and to block out noise.”
“Kids are adaptable.”
“White noise machines and noise-canceling headphones are great.”
“There are lots of solutions to explore here.”
“What will the neighbors do if the city starts neighborhood construction? If there’s a storm?”
“OP, you’ve actually been very courteous to them.” ~ Tall_Confection_960
“I owned a business and went back to work part-time a week after my first baby was born.”
“He had a crib in my office.”
“We did picture framing.”
“I could speak with customers, answer the phone, break glass and hammer, and it didn’t even phase him because he was used to the sound.”
“He was such a great baby and sleeper, and now, as an adult, he can still sleep through anything.”
“NTA. You’re probably actually doing the parents a favor.”
“Baby will adapt just fine!” ~ momthom427
“While I don’t think OP did anything wrong, this is not the concern the neighbors have.”
“It’s the concern the construction will keep baby up and not it sleep.”
“I get the concern.”
“Babies sleep constantly and randomly the first couple of months.”
“Especially in the first couple of weeks.”
“I can see why this would potentially stress out any new parent.”
“But after having my own son, babies actually sleep pretty well through harsh noises.”
“I could vacuum in the same room with my son while he napped.”
“I will say I never started in that room, so the sound was a gradual build-up as opposed to a blunt start-up.”
“So I can also see construction being a concern that way as well.”
“Sleep deprivation is also another concern.”
“I had pregnancy insomnia, especially the last trimester, and only obviously got worse once the baby was born.”
“So concerns for sleep deprivation I can see being a concern as well.”
“So to be fair, neighbors aren’t hugely overreacting with their concerns.”
“But it’s nothing OP can really help and did nothing wrong.” ~ RebelScum427
“I agree. Even as a mom myself, I never expected others to revolve their lives around mine.”
“So I by no means think OP is in any wrong here.”
“I think he is more than kind to even talk with them and send a message about the upcoming construction.”
“After having my son, I saw events such as construction around me (new houses being built), fireworks going off for holidays, etc.”
“Was just a good opportunity to comfort the baby if they did get startled to help show them it’s just a sound and it’s ok.”
“So hopefully, in the future, they aren’t as startled by storms and such.” ~ RebelScum427
“Total overreaction. And not sure why they think the baby will be up all night and not up all day as well.”
“Newborns sleep and wake 24 hours a day.”
“They aren’t just up at night; they’re up during the day as well, so they’re not getting extra sleep time during the day.”
“And the 12 to 3 idea makes no sense either.”
“If it was a toddler and that was nap time, maybe it would be a request (though not one that should be agreed to).”
“But there’s no guarantee the baby will either be up or asleep during those hours.”
“They’re nervous new parents, and I feel for them, but it is what it is.”
“If it wasn’t the remodel, there would be other noise to contend with. And NTA.” ~ rainyhawk
OP came back with an update…
“Thank you, everyone, for your responses and insights, much appreciated!”
“We do share a wall with them, and part of the rebuild includes insulating the entire house.”
“We found out work will go on from 8-4 pm each day with a 30-minute break for lunch at 12.”
“The builder is fine to give an overview of what will be done and when.”
“After that, I think we have done our best to assist them during this time.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You’re allowed to upgrade and renovate as you please.
This may just be an overactive new parents situation, which is understandable.
But they don’t get to dictate how you live your life.