One of the most divisive subjects that parents will ever have to address when they’re first having a child is whether they will breast or bottle-feed their infant.
There’s also the question of how publicly or privately they will do so, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor madfrogparty had chosen to breastfeed her baby and was in the regular practice of pumping breastmilk, and she had to decide whether or not to answer the door when a delivery man appeared.
When she saw the delivery man’s reaction to covering up while pumping, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong to answer the door.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for greeting the delivery man while wearing and operating a breast bump?”
The OP was in a pumping routine at home.
“I (33 Female) am currently pumping six times a day for breast milk. My newborn had tongue tie and difficulty latching, so I am exclusively pumping.”
“At home, when it’s just me and my husband, I don’t cover up to pump. When I have company over, I wear a cover over the pumps (nothing wrong with not wearing a cover… I’m just personally not comfortable pumping with my nipples exposed in front of my in-laws, parents, friends, etc).”
A delivery man recently showed up while she was pumping.
“Yesterday, my front lawn camera triggered a notification, and I saw the delivery guy walking up to my house with a package that I was expecting.”
“I was mid-pump, so I texted my husband, but he replied that he was in the middle of a work meeting and could not come to the door.”
“After ringing the doorbell and receiving no answer, I could see on the security cam that he was writing the missed delivery slip for pickup at the post office.”
“Honestly, it’s such a pain because you have to wait until the next day and drive all the way to the post office. So I decided… screw it, and threw on my cover and opened the front door.”
“He looked very shocked and very uncomfortable to see me: I had my pump clipped to my waist, a cover over the flanges, so while no breast or nipples were exposed, you could tell there was the outline of something attached to my chest, some tubing visible, and obvious pump noises and possibly audible milk spray.”
The OP was confident that she was fully covered.
“Sidenote: I just pumped again, so this time I took a picture with the exact cover I was wearing (so no nips/breasts exposed, but definitely obvious that I was pumping):”
But the OP was surprised at the delivery man’s reaction.
“He basically cleared his throat, shifted, and looked away while I signed for the delivery.”
“Then as he handed me the package, he kind of winced and said, ‘You know you didn’t have to open the door in your… state. It’s nothing urgent.'”
“I replied, ‘Yeah, but I don’t want to make a trip to the post office to pick it up when you’re already here.'”
“He seemed quite annoyed and said, ‘I think you should realize that this makes others uncomfortable.'”
“At that point, I felt quite annoyed and said rather sarcastically, ‘My bad for traumatizing you. Hope no one else on your delivery route answers the door with medical equipment.'”
The OP’s husband sided with her and her appearance.
“When I told my husband, he rolled his eyes and said, ‘That guy needs to get over himself.'”
“But thinking about it, I wonder if I was being an inconsiderate AH.”
“Perhaps this is different from breastfeeding or pumping in public? There, you are minding your own business, and others can look away, and you are not ‘making’ them look at you. By answering the door, I was maybe forcing him to interact with me while I was in a state that some might find uncomfortable?”
“I wonder if I’ve misunderstood some kind of social contract here.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she was being appropriate, especially in her own home.
“NTA. You’re in your own home, and you were totally covered. This man needs to grow up and understand that his job requires him to visit people in their personal spaces. You didn’t flash him, you were basically fixing your kid lunch.”
“What an absurd reaction for him to expect you to inconvenience yourself on the off-chance you might accidentally offend someone by doing something entirely inoffensive.” – SpicyTurtle38
“You did nothing wrong and are 1000 percent NTA.”
“I have the Elvie and pump while working, while driving, while doing dishes, and I even went to target once.”
“I also breastfeed in public. If my kid is hungry, they will eat.”
“People can f**k right off if they are uncomfortable with a kid eating.” – Lamacorn
“It’s exactly as if you’re breastfeeding, and someone arrives at your door. Either you won’t answer, or you will stand up from the bed/couch and open the door with your baby at your breast. It happens. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.” – sdlucly
“So grateful for your baby to have a mom with this attitude! I was determined to be the same way, but then a medical complication kept me from breastfeeding my only child. It broke my heart, but it was the right choice for my baby.”
“I always kind of wished I had been able to, not only for the intimacy and closeness with my baby but also so I could be out and proud about it in public.” – astarredbard
“I used to be a delivery driver, and it wasn’t uncommon for women to answer the door while breastfeeding.”
“I’m a 32-year-old man; I never found it to be odd or strange; it’s just one of those things you need to accept you’ll come across since you’re so close to people’s personal space in your job.”
“Obviously, there’s an initial surprise because it’s not every door that answers like that, but I hope I did a pretty good job at acting unfazed and leaving them feeling dignified.” – Impressive_Spring864
Others were surprised the delivery guy had such a reaction, given the OP’s outfit.
“I was picturing something really obvious the way OP was describing it, and then I saw the photo. That could be… anything under there: lumpy boobs, several other medical devices… In fact, if I saw the pump at the waist, I would assume it was some kind of feeding tube thing. That guy needs to get over himself.”
“Although I will say, I would have (and have if I was in a robe, didn’t feel like/have time to put on clothes, was sick) cracked the door, greeted him, had him hand me the electronic signature unit, signed it and passed it back.”
“And told him to leave the package on the porch. He probably would have thought she was worried about the pandemic or strange men. They need a signature. They don’t need to see me full-length to deliver a package.”
“So, so NTA.” – SolarPerfume
“I imagine carriers have had mothers answer the door while feeding their babies. I mean, do throw a cover on, but even then, OP was more covered than with a baby.”
“Note for OP: You do not have to go to the post office. Follow the instructions on the form and go online. You can schedule delivery for the next day, which is the earliest you can get a package anyway. Just sign your form and leave it where they will leave your package. It’s been years since I stood in line at the post office.” – Traverl691
“Literally. I’m a mobile dog groomer, and I’ve seen everything from people in their jammies to fresh and frantic from the shower, trying to wrangle their dog and a towel. I’ve even had nursing moms answer with baby latched. Who cares, the whole point of these services is the customer gets to stay in the comfort of their home.” – Petraretrograde
“NTA.”
“As a former mail carrier, I’m surprised the mail carrier said anything at all, because I’ve seen it all!”
“A man wrapped in a towel in the middle of shaving. Women breastfeeding. A nude woman in a cover-up that really didn’t cover up anything. A man yelling ‘just a second’ opened the door, wearing just basketball shorts… with an explicit [adult video] paused on the biggest TV screen I ever saw! (I actually blushed at this one.)”
“A two- to three-year-old who escaped out the open door, butt naked (just wearing a shirt) because they were potty training. A woman who was pumping and didn’t cover up at all.”
“I could go on and on with what I saw in 25 years working for the Post Office. You covered up while pumping would be no big deal to me.” – pinkflamingo-fj
“My mom tells everyone the story of when I was like four months old, and the mailman came, she opened the door holding me and I just s**t myself, it went through the diaper, she got poop all over her and the mailman was like, ‘Oops, I can sign it for you… you go take care of that.'”
“Mailmen witness the nastiest stuff, I’m sure. This one must have been in a mood. Especially after seeing your picture, you did NOTHING wrong.” – Muffinuffie
The subReddit was ready to throw their hands up over this one, questioning what the delivery guy was thinking or what his problem was. Breastfeeding is a perfectly natural and innocent act, and that includes pumping milk. When a mother is providing for her baby and her baby is hungry, it doesn’t matter who is knocking at the door.