Redditor New_Army_5718 and her husband recently left a visit with her parents early when they crossed the line with their infant.
The Original Poster (OP) and her husband were visiting her family in Mexico when they left their one-year-old with her grandparents while they visited friends.
When the OP and her husband came back, they learned that the grandparents had taken the liberty to pierce their daughter’s ears without permission.
This decision caused the OP and her family to leave several days early and not speak to her parents until they were back home in the US.
The finally came to the decision that her parents couldn’t see their grandchild again until they got their noses pierced.
This decision has caused division within the family, driving the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for telling my mom and dad that they have to get their noses pierced if they want to see my daughter again?”
She went on to explain:
“My husband and I travel down to Mexico to visit with my family. I am an American citizen my mom and dad are not.”
“My mom and dad got my daughter earrings for her birthday. My daughter’s ears are not pierced. She is only one year old.”
“I told them that I would save them for her until she was old enough to get her ears pierced.”
“We left my daughter with my parents while we went to meet up with some friends.”
“When we went to pick up my daughter my mom showed us that we didn’t need to wait because they had taken her to get her ears pierced.”
“I got my daughter and I dragged my husband out of there before he lost his sh*t. We went back to our hotel.”
“I am furious. My husband said that my parents are not allowed to spend time alone with my daughter ever again.”
“I went farther. I said that I would not be bringing her, or any other kids we might have, down here to see my parents. We checked out three days early and went home.”
“On the way home my parents were calling me to see when we were coming over. I ignored all the calls and texts until we were back home in Phoenix.”
“We took a couple of days to think things over and cool down.”
“I finally called them. I asked them not to speak until I was done talking. I told them that my husband and I are upset with them for getting our baby’s ears pierced without our permission.”
“I told them that we went back home and probably wouldn’t be visiting for a while.”
“They said that my sister and I both had pierced ears when we were babies and that it did not harm us.”
“I said that we were not going to change our minds. They started getting everyone including my grandmother to call me and say I was being ridiculous.”
“I talked with my husband and we came up with a compromise. We agreed that we would resume visits, but not alone time, with them if they both got their noses pierced.”
“They said that we are being stupid and that they are not going to do that. I said no problem and hung up.”
“We have started blocking anyone who tries to call us and give us sh*t for denying my parents their RIGHT to see my daughter.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA! They violated your trust in a huuuuuge way, and they have absolutely no right to see your daughter, nor do they have a right to see you. They’re confusing rights with wants.”
“They were willing to do (semi)permanent* damage to your baby directly against your wishes just because they want to decorate the baby.”
“It displays a lack of respect for you and for your child. Their aesthetic wants are more important than the grandchild’s feelings.”
“And if you think about it for more than five seconds, ‘I did this unnecessary thing to a baby before they were old enough to say No’ is a terrible way to treat a person.”
“It was very polite for you to save the earring gift for later.”
“‘until she was old enough to get her ears pierced'”
“They’re grown adults, surely they didn’t think this meant ‘later today.'”
“If you want the piercing to close up properly, don’t use hydrogen peroxide or antibacterial soaps. Use a saline solution on the piercing daily.”
“If the piercing seems like it might already be infected, do not remove the earring. We don’t want to close an infection inside the body.”
“I recommend you talk to a local body piercer about this, or call a local shop that has all their licenses.”
“*I say semi-permanent because I don’t personally know whether this will leave a scar if/when the piercing closes. It could be permanent, it could go away.”
“I am not telling this mother to take the earring out because I am not a piercing professional and I will not be giving advice about removing fresh piercings without even seeing it.“ – pizzadotgov
“NTA.”
“I read your ‘ultimatum’ as more tongue-in-cheek.”
“Not that you’re actually expecting them to get their noses pierced but that you’re simply enforcing a NC boundary (knowing that they’re obviously not getting themselves pierced).”
“I think that’s fine and fair.”
“What they did was wrong on so many levels. And since they refuse to apologize or take accountability for their huge lapse of judgment, I think going NC is appropriate.” – Ready_Tank_7463
“These posts just blow my mind. Grandparents want to do something. Parent says, no (in this case, daughter is too young for that).”
“Grandparents do it anyway – in this case PHYSICALLY ALTERING the child’s body against their parents’ wishes.”
“Parent takes child and leaves, and grandparents – who are supposed to be having a visit – don’t hear from parent for days, even past the time that the vacation was supposed to happen.”
“Grandparent thinks ‘Wow. I didn’t think it was a big deal but my kid is so mad they took their kid home, cut their vacation short…'”
“‘…without even saying goodbye AND they haven’t spoken to me in days.'”
“‘Should I (A) apologize and take accountability for having gone against their wishes with their kid, even though I personally don’t think their rule made sense…'”
“‘…or (B) double down and imply they’re overreacting and tell them that I expect them to accept that I can do whatever I want to their child and they have no say…'”
“‘…or (C) Do B plus call all of my friends and our family, cry to them about how I’m such a victim, and ask them to harass my child about how sad I am and how awful they’re being. Yup, definitely C!'”
“Half of being a mature adult is accepting accountability when you’re wrong. It’s so easy.”
“And the higher the stakes – say, for example, whether or not you’re allowed to have a relationship with your own adult child and their family – the easier it should be to admit that you crossed a line.”
“But nope, parents would rather be righteous than happy. After all, how DARE their child (who is a grown, married adult and parent of their own child) think they don’t have to obey??”
“How DARE their child try to impose any rules or boundaries around their own family or child, DON’T THEY KNOW WHO I AM???”
“I, who CHOSE to have a child, actually fed and clothed that child when it was helpless and I was required to care for the life I CHOSE to bring into the world.”
“That means the child owes me obedience in everything and forevermore!!!”
“Like, the nose piercing thing is ridiculous but if they’d just apologized, and given some space and time, I assume the OP would have let them visit eventually, even if not unsupervised.”
“But instead of apologizing they put on this whole show and turned the entire family against the OP simply for saying …”
“‘…Hey it’s not okay that you went behind my back, abused the trust I placed in you to care for my child, and permanently altered my child’s body after I explicitly said it’s not happening.'”
“Stick to your guns, OP. If your parents would rather be ‘right’ than have you in their life, then they aren’t the kinds of people you want as role models for your kids anyway.”
“NTA.” – mellow-drama
“NTA.”
“Putting holes in a childs body (thats not your child) should be down right abuse and punishable by crime.”
“I’m honestly amazed they found a piercer that was willing to do it without LEGAL guardian consent.”
“But I guess this was in Mexico so they wouldn’t have the same laws at tattoo / piercing shops.”
“I’d assume this would be illegal in the US, unless they found someone to back-door do the piercing without the right legal approvals.” – Jayy-Quellenn
Her body, not their choice!