The heart wants what it wants.
That age-old saying has stirred a significant amount of drama for generations.
Whether it be about love or business, that darn-hungry heart can be a problem.
If someone is into you and they dated someone close to you first, is it really wrong to date them if they’re now free?
If you and a loved one are both up for a job position, is it really the right thing to do to step aside if you “owe them” something?
Case in point…
Redditor Calm-Chapter-6708 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for taking a job even though my step-sister wanted it?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (26 F[emale]) have a stepsister, Maggie (28).”
“We work in similar fields.”
“Recently, my stepdad’s (Maggie’s dad) brother let him know of a job opportunity with a company owned by an old acquaintance of theirs.”
“My stepdad mentioned it to both me and Maggie, and we both sent our resumés in for it.”
“I ended up getting offered the job.”
“Maggie was ballistic, calling me to scream at me, posting a litany of stuff about me on social media, bashing me to the whole family saying how I am out to ‘take everything from her.'”
“She says I owed it to her to turn down the job so that she could have it after everything I put her through.”
“Full disclosure, my boyfriend of two years used to date Maggie.”
“They dated for four months before she brought him over to introduce to our family.”
“My B[oy]F[riend] was – in his words – instantly smitten with me, even though we barely spoke over the course of the meal, and he broke up with Maggie two days later.”
“He pursued me for a year before I agreed to go out with him, we’ve been together two years and we’re getting engaged this winter.”
“I get that Maggie is still mad about that, but I don’t think that one thing should mean that for the rest of my life, I have to bend over backward to give her what she wants.”
“AITA for taking the job?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“You sound kinda smug that you caused your stepsister’s boyfriend to dump her and then started dating him.”
“Since your stepdad mentioned the job to both of you, I’d say you weren’t the a**hole in this situation (you were a better applicant).”
“NTA (in this situation), but you kinda seem like an a**hole in general.” ~ Sevagara
“No, she doesn’t, LOL.”
“She literally just described what happened. Anyway, NTA.” ~ NightAtTheBeach
“So he did the one thing everyone on Reddit tells cheaters they should have done before cheating.”
“He didn’t cheat on Maggie with OP.”
“He broke up with Maggie when he realized he likes someone else more and didn’t date OP straight away.”
“OP took a year to say yes, which means he had liked her for three times as long as he had dated Maggie.”
“And yet, OP is just supposed to bend over and give up a job that she had been deemed more suitable for than Maggie.”
“There is also no guarantee that Maggie would have gotten the job even if OP gave it up.”
“OP is NTA.” ~ Environmental_Art591
“It kinda sounds like he realized he had feelings for someone else and broke off his current relationship.”
“You can’t control how you feel.”
“He did the most responsible thing.”
“What was he supposed to do, try and cheat?”
“String the other girl along?”
“I think it’s stupid to act like he’s some sort of monstrous pig for this.”
“They dated for four months. It’s not like they were talking about getting married.”
“And yeah, it’s questionable that this chick would go out with him, but it was certainly not immediately, and we have no idea what their relationship is like.”
“I have stepsisters that I, as an adult, do not speak with or ever see because we don’t get along.”
“Is their relationship that bad?”
“Who knows, but s**t happens in life. Neither of them had poor intentions, and they did the best they could with the situation.”
“I can certainly understand why her older stepsister would feel upset and where she is coming from.”
“Losing your s**t and blaming someone for every bad thing in your life is not an acceptable reaction.”
“Also, for everyone saying she sounds ‘smug,’ literally how??”
“Give me examples.”
“She is describing what happened in a blunt manner.”
“And from that comment, she clearly doesn’t love the situation and feels bad.” ~ kitkatpaddiewack
“The BF broke up with the stepsister two days after they met, then pursued her for a year. How the hell is OP responsible for the feelings of others?”
“OP is NTA here, and it seems as if OP was the better candidate for this job. Stepsister needs to work on herself.”
“Imagine being party to that abuse. Slap a ‘Do Not Hire’ sign here.” ~ Riverversed
“There’s a reason people say this. It’s because, if you care about your friend/sister/whoever, you don’t want to hurt them.”
“And dating someone with whom they may have a painful history would likely hurt them.”
“THIS is why people do things like ask ‘permission’ before getting into a relationship with a friend/family member’s ex.”
“It’s not about ownership.”
“It’s about protecting the feelings of someone you care about by letting them know that their feelings matter to you and you respect their choice.”
“It’s also about not starting a relationship on a negative/conflicted foundation.”
“OP disregarded her stepsister’s feelings by doing what she did in the way that she seems to have done it.”
“Her relationship with this man may be going well, but it has clearly tanked the relationship she has with her sibling.”
“At this point, her step-sister’s feelings on the matter do not seem to be about still loving or feeling entitled to this guy, but about feeling disregarded and even betrayed by OP.”
“And, she is not necessarily wrong to be feeling that way.”
“OP is not an AH for taking the job, but before she whines about having to ‘bend over backward’ for the ‘rest of her life’ to appease her sister.”
“I’d be interested in knowing if she’s done anything to try to make it right with her stepsister before.” ~ AVDisco
“NTA about the job bc, fair enough, they offered it to you.”
“If you turn it down, there is no guarantee they will offer it to her.”
“That said, I’m glad you’re not my sister.”
“The boyfriend thing was savage.”
“There are so many fish in the sea.” ~ Travelcat67
“NTA for taking the job.”
“Dad told you both.”
“Had she gotten the job, would you have been mad?”
“Only one of you can have it.”
“HOWEVER, as for the boyfriend, unless your sister broke up with him, and then you guys met up again later in life, this wasn’t a great look for you.”
“He broke up with her because of meeting you at the family’s house.”
“Even if you waited a year, she knows he broke up with her as soon as he met you.” ~ Fear_The_Rabbit
“Honestly, it’s extremely f**king weird that the dude barely spoke to you at a meet-the-family function and then broke up with his girlfriend for you.”
“That’s on him, but on you… I would have stopped talking to him after he broke up with my stepsister?”
“Instead of giving him the chance to keep asking me out for a year?”
“Like literally why were you even in contact with this random guy that you only knew as your stepsister’s a**hole date to a family dinner?”
“I would say I’m surprised you didn’t ignore or block him, but I guess ‘attention seeking and self-centered horny 23-year-old’ is some kind of archetype.”
“NTA for the job thing.”
“It sounds like you were both given the information about the job at the same time and both encouraged to apply; you apparently didn’t even know she was also applying until rather late in the process.”
“Also, stepsister needs to work on her emotional regulation because going ballistic at you and on social media is probably just making her look unhinged.”
“But her situation does definitely suck.”
“And I highly doubt you have bent over backward for her in any way, so I’m confused by what you mean about ‘bending over backward for her forever.'”
“When was the last time you did something meaningful to help her out?”
“What was it?”
“She probably is just trying to forget that you exist, but Dad is over here making that difficult.” ~ Jrreddig
“OP was in contact with a man she met once and didn’t even talk to!”
“The lunch was the first time she met him.”
“She says he was smitten, but I think she was too.”
“Trying to make it seem ok because it was ‘a year later,’ but it was also a year of keeping in contact. The job thing NTA but yikes about the BF.” ~ Travelcat67
“NTA about the job.”
“You did not take it from her – the company made the decision to offer it to you based on your qualifications and, I assume, your interview.”
“And, even if you did turn it down, there was no guarantee that they would offer the position to your step-sister as opposed to some other candidate.”
“Now, about the boyfriend – it seems like that is the real reason why she is mad, but that isn’t what this post is asking for judgment on.” ~ bamf1701
“Come on, girl.”
“Be for real. Did you really want that job?”
“I can’t help but feel like you did it because she wanted it.”
“You stole her man, because I refuse to believe you two barely spoke that night.”
“You can’t pay me enough to believe that.”
“Going off the assumption that you actually wanted the job NTA, but your step-sister isn’t either because it definitely looks like you like robbing her.” ~ Stitch_Fan
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
This is a sticky situation.
You were chosen as an employee and as a partner.
The hiring was out of your control.
You waited a year to be a partner.
It sounds like you and Maggie may need a big sit-down, maybe with a therapist or mediator.
Hopefully, the relationship can be salvaged.
If that’s what you want.