Waiting around for a doctor's appointment can take a really long time, and most of us have probably heard some interesting gossip or concerning information while sitting there waiting for our names to be called.
But it quickly becomes uncomfortable if we realize the medical professionals are gossiping about their patients, leading us to wonder what they might reveal about us, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor quijote424 was scheduling a future procedure when they accidentally overheard the dental assistants gossiping, specifically about them.
After what they heard, the Original Poster (OP) wasn't comfortable with the idea of receiving care from the dental assistant who spoke poorly about them.
They asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by not wanting a dental assistant involved in my procedure after I overheard her mocking me?"
The OP recently started receiving dental care after years of avoiding it.
"I have severe dental anxiety and haven’t been to a dentist in over a decade."
"Last week, I went in for a consultation on a broken molar. The dentist and their assistant, Mary, were great."
"They were very empathetic and kind, and I switched my plan from IV sedation to oral sedation because of that."
The OP had to call to make arrangements to financially cover the procedure.
"The three-hour procedure (root canal and crown) is tomorrow and is estimated (after expected insurance coverage) to be nearly $3,000."
"Mary called yesterday to say I had to pay the full amount upfront because I would be sedated on Friday and couldn't make payments. She sent a payment link for the full amount."
"I texted back and attached the form I signed that said payment was due within 30 days and, most importantly, nothing was ever said in-person or on any documents that payment was due in full beforehand."
"We later talked on the phone, and she insisted it was policy and said, 'When you go to the grocery store, you have to pay then.'"
"I said it was more like going to the doctor, and I don't pay for procedures up front. I told her my main issue was that they didn’t communicate their policy to me."
"Regarding the form I sent her, she said in 16 years, no one has ever questioned the form, but she'd add payment due in full 'if that would make me happy.'"
"I told her that I was insulted by her comments and would pay and would be in on Friday for the procedure."
Then the OP overheard something that brought all of the dental anxiety back.
"I didn’t hang up right away, and she thought she’d hung up, and for the next 15 minutes, I listened to her and the office staff mock me."
"Mary said I was probably going to use this as an excuse to cancel the appointment and keep the drugs I was prescribed, a total of three sedation pills."
"I was honestly shocked and embarrassed. I understand that staff vent about patients, but I thought it was a legitimate question."
The OP considered speaking up over what they heard.
"I don't want to escalate this or to jeopardize her job, but I also don't want her to assist during the procedure tomorrow."
"Also, the dentist is a friend of a friend, and my husband is scheduled for many appointments there."
"Should I tell her directly today that I overheard the conversation and request a different assistant? Or should I just try to get through the appointment and address it afterward?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that the dental assistant's behavior was incredibly unprofessional and should be addressed.
"NOR. Jeopardize her job. This is unprofessional. Wildly so."
"Also, if she's talking about you for 15 minutes, how many patients heard her? Report her to the practice manager. If she did this to you, she's done it to others." - GenoFlower
"Talking s**t about a patient to everyone in hearing distance is something that could sink this practice. Their boss needs to know this, and Mary needs to find another line of work if she can’t restrain herself." - LissaBryan
"Talking about a patient's specific medication and stating anything medical with her coworkers is a violation of HIPAA. This person shouldn't be in the medical health profession." - Nervous-Guarantee698
"NOR. Jeopardize her job; that's not your problem. It's a choice to be an a**hole. Mary didn't have to be; she chose to be. Hello, HIPAA violation."
"You're there paying thousands of dollars to have unprofessional staff talk sh*t like this? And how your concerns were addressed is definitely not how they should have responded to you…" - canadianmeow
"A one-time trash-talk gossip would likely not ‘enough’ for Mary to get fired; you shouldn't be concerned about talking to her superiors, but this definitely warrants a serious chat from the boss that could serve as a warning, so employees know that it's not acceptable, and there should be consequences if Mary does something like this again. This kind of thing happens too much." - Charming-Garbage-161
Others urged the OP to review the procedure and agreements before undergoing the procedure.
"NOR. Talk to the dentist in private before the procedure. This behavior is out of line, and I’m sure he will be upset. This could and should have cost him money. I don’t understand the nerve of some of these office ladies. 3,000 upfront is unreasonable."
"Tell him you planned to be billed and are kind of insulted. Especially because you have several procedures lined up." - userid004
"NOR. Mary is contradicting the terms of the form you signed, which is a legal and binding document, and she is speaking negatively about you to other employees. It is crucial that you communicate this situation to the office manager or the business owner. This behavior is unacceptable. You are not putting Mary's job in jeopardy; she is doing that herself." - NormalNeurotic
"NOR. If you’re under reacting was an option I’d have said that."
"These people are being wildly unprofessional, and I’d absolutely escalate it if I were you. This is not how a person should be treated in general, much less in the context of a medical provider-patient relationship."
"I’d email or call the dentist directly, tell them you’re going to find another dentist, tell them why, and leave it at that." - Positronomy
"NOR. Please find a way to reach the practice manager or overseeing dentist. This is not a safe place for a patient to come in for serious care, especially including sedation, and they need to know that their staff is being unprofessional."
"All types of licensure for healthcare require adherence to ethical standards, including professionalism and patient-centered care. Please make sure someone knows before your procedure. (I am a physician!)" - strangeloop414
"NOR. Complain, and say you want her off your procedure and don't want to interact with her in the office again. Places take this type of thing seriously."
"I had a nurse be disrespectful to me and openly mock my last name (it's hyphenated, and the nurse apparently thought that was abnormal). I complained and had her removed from my care team. I never saw her again, thank God." - ArtisanArdisson
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a series of detailed updates about their procedure and follow-up care.
"UPDATE 1: Aug. 7: [Fine print]"
"Mary put me on hold yesterday for ten minutes to go through all the fine print for the pay-up-front policy and didn’t find it."
"The staff also looked through all the docs, and I heard them saying that paying in full up-front was not stated, just that patients can’t physically make a payment while being sedated."
"UPDATE 2: Aug. 7: [My text to the office admin number/Mary]"
"You should know that the call didn’t disconnect yesterday, and I heard the conversation afterward, including the mocking and the suggestion that I might cancel just to keep the medication."
"My primary concern remains that your full-payment policy was never communicated to me in writing or in person until two days before the procedure."
"I was surprised by both that and your reaction when I raised a valid concern, especially because I had such a positive experience during both of my visits."
"I am proceeding because I have already paid and need the treatment, but this is too much unnecessary drama on top of the anxiety I already require sedation for."
"Despite everything, I expect professional and respectful treatment tomorrow for both me and my ride."
"UPDATE 3: Aug. 7: [Mary’s response]"
"I truly apologize for the conversation. There have been situations where odd things have happened. We definitely didn't feel like you were going to do that, but it has happened."
"We are going to take excellent care of you. There are no unnecessary feelings on our part"
"We appreciate you actually pointing that fact to us because we will be changing that moving forward."
"UPDATE 4: Aug. 7"
"Um, that’s their takeaway? That people have sought drugs before?"
"Not: we should never have been talking about a patient or their care - and our judgment of it, out loud in the office?"
"UPDATE 5: Aug. 9: [Mary update]"
"Mary was in the procedure. She was very chipper when she greeted me and took me back to the room. I asked if she would be assisting, and she said yes."
"I asked, 'Do you think that’s a good idea?' She seemed genuinely surprised and asked why. I said that after the phone call the other day, there had been a loss of trust."
"She said, 'Oh, no hard feelings.' What the f**k, Mary?! I said, 'You aren’t the one who should have hard feelings!'"
"She then explained that there would be six people in and out assisting, etc. At that point I was already pretty sedated and didn’t see how making a scene was going to help, so I went ahead with it."
"And the actual procedure wasn’t bad at all (see next update)."
"I’m leaning toward contacting the dentist or office manager about everything that happened because I really don’t want another anxious patient treated this way."
"Thank you all for the feedback. Maybe I was a little thin-skinned, as some people suggested, but there are a lot of feelings and emotions tied up in severe dental anxiety."
"UPDATE 6: Aug. 9: [sedation update]"
"For everyone with dental anxiety: ORAL SEDATION WORKED. And with my insurance, they were about two dollars per pill, which may be the best 10 bucks I've spent."
"Night before: 10 mg diazepam to help me sleep and stay relaxed in the morning. One hour before procedure: 50 mg hydroxyzine and 1 mg lorazepam. Upon arrival: they crushed up another 50 mg hydroxyzine and 1 mg lorazepam, and I put that under my tongue."
"Within 1/2 hour of arriving, I was pretty much down for the count. I remember a couple of numbing shots and one other brief moment of discomfort, but probably no more than 10 seconds at a time. I could occasionally hear little snippets of conversation, but I had no cares in the world."
"I also arrived for maximum comfort: sweatshirt, noise-canceling headphones with podcasts and audiobooks downloaded, and sunglasses. They gave me a blanket."
"My Fitbit recorded this entire procedure time as sleep: 9:20 AM to 1:20 PM."
"For someone with serious dental anxiety: I would 100% do oral sedation for any kind of procedure my insurance will cover."
Fellow Redditors were alarmed by what the OP overheard, and because they were going to be sedated, the last thing anyone would want is someone they don't trust to be around while in such a vulnerable position.
At the very minimum, the OP's concerns had been addressed, and if the OP was happy with that, that was the most important thing.
u/Dismal_Condition_824/Reddit
