Sticking up for family in difficult situations can put people in unexpected scenarios.
Everyone wants to help, but sometimes you’re more of a hinderance.
It’s especially problematic when you’re stuck between family and friends.
Case in point…
Redditor Personal_Confusion_1 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for getting angry at my friend for not taking into account my sister’s disability?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My sister (28 F[emale]) has a learning disability that made it hard for her to hold down a job and so she has lived with our parents for most of her life.”
‘My sister and parents had a lot of fights over the pandemic because she still wanted to go out and they wanted her to stay at home to avoid getting sick.”
“So now she wants to move out and recently found a job.”
“It doesn’t pay well but she wants to move out.”
“Because she doesn’t make a lot she can’t afford most places and has been stuck living at home with our mom driving her to work everyday.”
“Then my friend said her basement suite was open at a good price to rent and I jumped on asking for her to rent to my sister.”
“My sister went to see the place and she loved it.”
“My friend wanted a background check and credit check and my sister agreed to it.”
“My sister didn’t want me involved and wanted to handle it to prove she was independent.”
“Ok. So I stepped back and 2 weeks later she calls me and cries saying my friend discriminated against her for her learning disability.”
“I confront my friend and she defends herself by saying she asked for my sister’s email and kept getting the wrong email.”
“Apparently my sister kept giving her the wrong email for a week before she got the right one.”
“Then she said that my sister didn’t fill out the forms and kept saying she was going to.”
“My sister said she didn’t know how to but my friend said she never asked her.”
“I told my friend she should have come to me and she said I told her to discuss it with my sister and she didn’t say she didn’t know how to file it out, only that she would get to it.”
“She said she gave her a week to fill it out and got sick of waiting and signed with someone else.”
“I got angry with her saying she should accommodate her disability better (she knows she has a disability).”
“She got mad at me and pointed out my sister should have told me or her that she didn’t know how to fill out the form and she wasn’t going to baby her like I do.”
“I got so mad and called her a b**ch and she hung up on me.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. Your sister asked you not to get involved, but then she wasn’t capable of handling it herself.”
“That is proof she is not ready to be living by herself without some kind of assistance.”
“What is your friend to do when your sister needs to pay rent and can’t set up the transfer or write a check?”
“Just accept that she has to rent for free because your sister has a disability?”
“I’m sorry, but that’s not how the world works.”
“Your sister wasn’t ‘discriminated against,’ she just failed to meet the minimum requirements of being able to rent.”
“Which is filling out the proper paperwork OR asking help from someone who could fill it out with her.” ~ EatAPotatoOrSeven
“Also, adding the fact that OP’s sister fought with their parents because she wanted to go out during the pandemic.”
“Adds another layer to this situation.”
“Or that she has to be driven to work daily by their mother.”
“There is nothing wrong with this, but was the friend’s basement close enough to work to go by her own?”
“Or would her mom still have to drive her?”
“As far as I’ve read, accommodations work when there are clear expectations of what they are supposed to be and, someone to advocate for them (whether it’s OP or her sister).”
“OP’s sister didn’t want her to be involved.”
“But that doesn’t mean that OP couldn’t have checked up on her or asked her friend to keep her informed or, if that felt unethical then tried to convince her sister to ask for help when needed.”
“A big, underrated part of independence is the ability to ask for help when needed.”
“To recognise when thing’s aren’t going according to plan and when it’s time to involve someone else.”
“Doing things alone to prove a point works for no one.”
“OP yelled at her friend out of concern for her sister.”
“So she’s NTA for standing up for her.”
“But then again OP’s friend was definitely not in the wrong and OP is TA for shifting the responsibility from her and sister onto her friend.”
“OP’s sister isn’t ready to live alone. Yet.”
“She definitely needs to learn how to be independent.”
“Getting a job is a great first step.”
“But that’s not enough to move out.”
“Taking care of herself and her space (including health), learning real world skills like paperwork, budgeting, transportation, shopping all comes into play.”
“Obviously at different extents due to capabilities.”
“As someone who barely has a job, lives with his parents, and relies on them to handle all of his emails, finances, medication and documentation like insurance – I know it takes a lot to be independent.”
“I wish I had OP’s sisters confidence.”
“This was a learning experience.”
“She should apologise to her friend.”
“I hope OP helps her sister on her way towards independence.”
“Just to clarify, my vote is YTA.”
“OP is the a**hole.” ~ roaringleopard
“Honestly I think OP is a horrible friend in the first place for even recommending her sister for the apartment knowing how unreliable her sister is, that she can’t even hold a job.”
“And that she’ll use her disability as an excuse for everything.”
“I’m also wondering if it’s ADHD because that would make them even more ridiculous in my opinion.”
“So many people have that and are able to hold down jobs and live on their own.”
“My husband has it.” ~ rainbow_mak3r
“YTA. Your friend didn’t discriminate because of her disability.”
“He rented to someone else because she didn’t do the things required to rent a place and instead of reaching out and getting help.”
“She ignored it and hoped that other people would take care of it for her automagically.”
“Use this as a teaching moment for her instead of attacking your friend.”
“Also, tell your sister that this is not discrimination; she had a responsibility and failed to fulfill it.”
“Her disability isn’t the issue here; but she (and you) are using it as a crutch and cudgel.” ~ IAndaraB
“YTA. It sounds like your friend already took her disability into account when she encouraged your sister to reach out to you for help.” ~ SoSleepySue
“Exactly. If she can’t provide a correct email or supply the necessary paperwork after a week (and refuses to ask for help), I’d have serious concerns about whether she’d pay rent on time.”
“If she’d fill out the check correctly, if she’d be able to take care of the place, if she’d be able to pay her utilities, etc.. OP, YTA.” ~ cbm984
“YTA. Your friend did everything right… at least she did what most people would have done.”
“She gave your sister a chance but eventually ran out of patience.”
“Your sister doesn’t sound capable of living on her own and expecting your friend to pick up the slack is unfair.”
“She is disabled to the point of not being functional in basic tasks, she tried to do things on her own but instead of admitting she needed help and asking she just ignored the problem.”
“Your friend did absolutely nothing wrong.”
“Let your sister live with you if it’s all such an issue.” ~ Aggravating-Pear9760
“YTA. In my opinion others might see it differently but I don’t think friends family and business should mix for this reason.”
“If this was not your friend and the same situation had happened it would had been understandable.” ~ deysiy
“YTA for calling your friend a b$tch. I was with you until then.”
“That was totally uncalled for.”
“Your friend rents their apartment for income/business.”
“It sounds like they gave your sister extra time. I get that your sister has a learning disability, but that unfortunately doesn’t mean she’s going to get special treatment everywhere.”
“If your sister can’t do these things and doesn’t reach out for help, maybe it’s better for her to live with your parents.”
“And for you all to gradually work her into these things so she can be more independent.” ~ Similar_Pineapple418
“YTA. Having a tenant can be a huge financial risk and the people tend to always blame the landlord if something goes wrong.”
“Your friend did give your sister time and consideration but ultimately went with what was in her best interest as a landlord.”
“Can’t blame her for that!” ~ IcyBanditQueen
Well OP, Reddit has some issues with with your approach to the situation.
You want to be there for your sister and your friend.
It’s a difficult scenario.
Good luck with figuring it all out.