People often strive for perfection, especially when it comes to weddings.
True perfection is rarely attainable. But just because people can’t be perfect doesn’t make it any less hurtful to have imperfections pointed out.
One 27-year-old brother felt his sister pointing out his fiancée’s imperfection was hurtful enough that he disinvited her from his wedding.
Not certain his reaction was appropriate, he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor 617097713___ asked:
“AITA: For disinviting my sister to my wedding for what she told my fiancée?”
The Original Poster explained:
“My fiancée (25) has an obvious permanent burnscar from an accident that caused her mother (her only parent) to pass away from injury. My fiancée had a long recovery—it’s been 7 years.”
“The scar is on her collarbone. It goes down her chest but isn’t showing unless she’s wearing scoop/square tops.”
“She often wears hoodies/jackets to cover up. She puts this cream—I don’t know what ladies call it—but it’s supposed to tone skin color or something?”
“I’m not sure but my fiancée calls it foundation that is one degree brighter than her skin color. I absolutely adore her she’s pretty, smart, ambitious and the list goes on.”
“What happened was unfortunate and I’m glad she’s at peace with herself and more confident.”
“My family love her.”
“How can they not? She’s a member of the family.”
“My mom makes sure she takes part in every family function and things like shopping and decorating other things. However my sister made comments about my fiancée’s scar several times.”
“I’ve called her out on her behavior several times to get her to stop because she was hurting me before my fiancée with her backhanded and insensitive comments. I told my fiancée she had every right to cut my sister out and not deal with her bullsh*t but she has been forgiving and respectful of my entire family.”
“Our wedding is in February. My fiancée went shopping for the wedding dress.”
“This is where the issue started.”
“My fiancée showed the wedding dress to my sister. I didn’t see it but I was told it was a spaghetti strap dress.”
“My fiancée likes this stuff.”
“Anyways my sister saw it and went nuts. She started criticising her choice and said that she should’ve gotten a high nick or a jewel wedding dress to cover up the scar.
“She argued with my fiancée about it. I went to my family’s house and I confronted her.”
“I yelled at her after she told me my fiancée needed to return the dress and get a ‘proper’ one so that guests won’t focus on her burnscar and use it as the topic of conversation and gossip.”
“I told her that she’s not invited to our wedding.”
“She isn’t welcome to my wedding with this entitled attitude of hers and her insensitivity and disrespect. We argued for half an hour then I left.”
“In exactly an hour my mom and dad called and berated me saying my sister was crying after I disinvited her and that I had no right to disivinte her. She’s my sister and was just trying to help out and give advice and avoid any ‘unnecessary’ drama at the wedding.”
“My mom said my fiancée can keep the dress but suggested to wear a shawl as a neutral solution. I stopped responding to my mom’s calls and texts after that.”
“Family members were upset my sister was disinvited and wanted me to invite her again because this will make family look bad in front of outsiders and guests.”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. Your Mom is ridiculous to suggest your fiancée needs to compromise with anyone on her wedding dress.” ~ 0biterdicta
“The fam should be good with WHATEVER the bride wears. Acceptance and support for the bride is all that matters.”
“NTA, OP’s family needs to brush up on the definition of unconditional love.” ~ greatgrohlsoffire
“What a small person your sister is. Your fiancee’s burn scar is a badge of courage.”
“I work in surgery, and I’ve done many many burn reconstructions … that is no easy road to go down, and your fiancée should be praised for going through all that and coming out the other side with her gracious nature intact.”
“Your sister owes you and your fiancée a HUGE apology. Your mother can offer one as well.”
“This ‘eww’ factor is childish and reprehensible. NTA, at ALL.” ~ SurgRN4theWin
“NTA! I am a burn survivor my scars are on my chest and upper arm. I can’t begin to explain the mental toll that these so called helpful comments have on a person.”
“I have had people pull my blouse closed over my scars ‘because they were showing’ or suggest what I should and shouldn’t wear because of them. I have had comments about how at least it didn’t damage my face and I can hide my scars.”
“It took years to be okay with my scars.”
“What your family is doing is abusive and psychologically damaging. Your sister is not being helpful.”
h”She is being cruel and your parents need a huge wake up call if they think this cruelty is acceptable. You are right to put your foot down and not allow your sister or anyone else to abuse your fiancé under the guise of being helpful.” ~ SmallTownAttorney
“I have large surgery scars that I’ve had since I was still in scool and have been made to feel ugly because of them.”
“One woman, while I was out shopping during the summer, approached me and said in a loud voice ‘could you please cover those, my son shouldn’t have to see that!’. She looked so disgusted that I left my shopping and ran home crying.”
“She was a complete stranger but felt she had a right to tell me what to do with my body.”
“Thankfully I have not only come to terms with my scars, but I have grown to love them. They are a badge that proves my strength courage and ability to survive even the most awful of situations.”
“If anyone were to comment now, they will regret it very very quickly. OP isn’t the a**hole, he should disinvite anyone who defends his sister.”
“His fiancée should wear her scars with pride and f’k anyone who makes her feel bad for it!” ~ LilmissFlicknife
While the OP’s family might not be supportive, Reddit has their back. The bride should wear what she wants and anyone who isn’t OK with that doesn’t need to be at her wedding.