Pregnant Mom Livid After Husband Quits Job Without Telling Her To Work For Overbearing MIL

One thing that parents generally can agree on is how hard it can be to watch their children grow up. It's bittersweet to see them outgrow clothing sizes and cross new milestones.

But instead of also being excited about their children growing into their own people, some parents hold on unbearably tight to them and create a complicated, unhealthy relationship with them, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor Early-Ant-2254 knew that her husband and mother-in-law (MIL) had a complicated, distant relationship, but once she became pregnant, she was shocked that her mother-in-law became uncomfortably clingy with her husband.

But when her MIL's relationship with her husband impacted their finances and their plan for after their baby was born, the Original Poster (OP) knew something needed to change, and fast.

She asked the sub:

"AITA for telling my husband that I 'can't do this anymore' after he quit his job to work with his mother?"

The OP was incredibly uncomfortable with how her mother-in-law (MIL) was behaving.

"We are due to have our daughter in two weeks and planned ahead of time so I could stay home for a year with her (while I'm nursing). We saved around $26k, plus took into consideration that at his job he was making $3k a month ($23 hourly). Our bills for the year come out to around $46k."

"Since we got pregnant his mom has been super overbearing with the 'boy mom' bulls**t. She's been trying to force her way into our lives in ways that I'm not okay with, like trying to convince us to buy a house with her so she can help raise 'her baby's baby' (my husband actually considered this and I shot it down immediately)."

"She has been stopping in whenever she feels like it with stuff for him and him only. Like, she literally brings him food (one serving, only enough for him) around dinner time probably two to three days a week, saying, 'I just know you miss momma's cooking.'"

"She keeps buying him mom and son jewelry, knowing he won't wear jewelry, and tells me, 'He will wear it. It's a mom and son thing, you wouldn't understand,' when I tell her he's not going to wear it (he hasn't worn any of it)."

"She is 100% treating him like he is her husband, calling him to go do things for her all hours of the day/night and all around just trying to get him out of our house and over to hers. On the off chance that he does go over, she's all like, 'Since you're here, I will let you treat me to a mom-and-son date at Denny's.' Or when she's here, she will look at me and tell me how she takes her coffee and expect me to make it for her."

"She's currently coming over three to four times a week but says that isn't enough and argues with me that she shouldn't 'have to fight to see her baby.'"

"I know I'm rambling, but this woman is bat s**t f**king crazy and no, she was not like this prior to me getting pregnant. They barely spoke before I got pregnant."

"As soon as she found out we were having a baby, she sunk her claws in. With the whole 'my baby isn't a baby anymore' bulls**t (we are literally in our 30s)."

The OP's MIL kept looking for more ways to spend time with the OP's husband.

"So if all else wasn't insane enough, she's been trying to convince my husband for at least three months to quit his job (search and rescue) and go work with her so they can spend more time together. She works at a medical rehab facility."

"I told him I wouldn't tolerate that for one reason: it's $13 an hour, $10 less an hour than he makes now. I've talked reason with him."

"Like if he goes there, I will end up having to go back to work because $13 per hour cuts his monthly income in half (just about) and this is NOT what we agreed to or planned for."

"Not only that, but her job is biweekly pay and doesn't have benefits for a year (he had full benefits at his job)."

"He told me he didn't want to work with his mom and not to worry about it. About two months ago, he said that."

But the OP found out her husband didn't listen to her concerns at all.

"But I just found out last night that he did in fact quit his job and applied at the place his mom works and bypassed the interview process because mommy vouched for him. So now he has a job with her."

"I wasn't nice about it when he told me. Admittedly. I asked him why the f**k he would do that."

"He said, 'Well, my mom is getting older and she wanted me to work with her so we can hang out more before she passes.' She's literally 61 and healthy."

"I slept on it and decided I couldn't do this. I told him this morning that I couldn't do this."

"I'm not going to be overruled by a woman who refuses to stay in her lane. I'm not going to bow down to a mommy's boy or a woman who grossly won't leave her son alone."

"He can do it on his own and we can do this separately."

"I told him I will take the money I saved ($23k of the $26k) and figure it out on my own and that he need to leave and go back to sucking mommy's tit at her house."

"He, for whatever reason, is shell-shocked that I'm taking it 'this far' and says I'm an AH for not understanding that his mother getting older and wanting to spend time with him should be important."

"I'm not budging, though. He's allowing her to destroy our lives."

"AITAH?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NTA: Not the A**hole
• YTA: You're the A**hole
• ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
• NAH: No A**holes Here

Some reassured the OP that it sounded like divorce was the only answer.

"He just quit his job. The job with benefits."

"She is about to give birth and he took a 43 percent pay cut, and lost his benefits. Who gives up their benefits right before having a baby?!"

"If they are in the US and she was on his insurance, he just completely scrapped her health insurance for the birth of their child."

"Did he get in an accident and lose half his brains? That is absolutely insane. The OP is totally right to distance herself from the insanity as soon as possible." - StrangledInMoonlight

"Yeah, the MIL doesn't want to be a supportive grandmother. She's trying to ruin her son's marriage because she wants her son to spend his prime adult years taking care of her rather than parenting his own child. What a f**ked up situation."

"My MIL is like this, but thankfully lives in another country that is a 13+ hour plane flight away…although if I get pregnant, I expect her to amp up her behavior and try to pull some similar bulls**t somehow."

"These types of people are pathologically damaged, and based on the husband's behavior so far, he's not really interested in setting healthy boundaries with her. He is letting himself get sucked into this pathetic and unhealthy codependency because being a true adult is too scary. Good on OP for not pulling punches here and telling him to get lost." - neoncactusfields

"He thought that OP was firmly enough on the hook, carrying 'his' baby and all, that OP wouldn't 'dare' to take the leap to safety, leaving him behind."

"He *didn't* consider that HE was the *beneficiary* of the BULK of monthly expenses, so cutting him loose would be a net gain for OP."

"He chose... *poorly*..." - Frequent-Material273

"I think that his decision to quit his job was the death knell. He knew it would have a drastic financial impact on you both and does nothing to address how his mother has been behaving at all."

"You're brave for taking the decision you did in my honest opinion."

"If he values his core family, he'd make changes right quick to fix the situation but I have little faith that he will do so based on his actions." - empathy10

Others agreed and advised the OP on how to best care for herself and her baby.

"NTA."

"Your husband just sacrificed all that money that you've saved, and he sacrificed the year of maternity leave that you planned to pay for with it."

"You are right that you have a husband problem."

"I recommend initiating divorce immediately, because they will calculate child support on the basis of his previous salary. (Please confirm this with a family law attorney local to you.)"

"Your husband has made it perfectly plain that his mother's wishes are more important than you or his child. He won't be able to parent a child. You can't force him to parent, but you can (legally) force him to contribute financially, through the process of divorce and child custody."

"I'm so sorry that you learned this about him at this late date. I really wish he'd just stayed in his incestuous relationship with his mother, and left you out of it." - sanityjanity

"100% I'm so sorry you're dealing with this OP, but good for you for putting your foot down. If a baby on the way isn't enough for him to open his eyes and prioritize his family nothing will be."

"Ask your attorney about imputing his income. Child support should be based on what he could potentially earn, not what he voluntarily reduced his income to." - WishBear19

"OP, sign up TODAY for Healthcare.gov! Your health insurance will be effective tomorrow, the first day of the following month you sign up. I don't know where you are, but In Minnesota, we have our own health insurance that is based on income alone. States that don't have it can still get it through the federal government. If you're not in the US, look for your options. I know some very progressive countries have universal healthcare."

"Even if you're off on maternity leave, you can contract to do some work from home. Accountants are always needed for audit prep, tax prep, balancing small business books, and setting businesses up for success. Jobs by contract are nice because you can do them on your schedule or bring your baby with if you have a meeting or two. You got this!"

"Working from home will also set you up for getting full custody of your child."

"I'm sorry your husband threw your plans into a tailspin. You may also want to discuss with an attorney about the possible repercussions of adding or not including his name on the birth certificate."

"Redo your birthing plan. Ask a Sister, Mom, Aunt, or friend to be there for you, and don't tell him (or his mother) when you're going into labor... they will ONLY add to your stress."

"You and your baby are your only priority right now. If you can rally the help, move his crap out of your home and change the locks (double-check with the attorney to make sure you're not violating any local laws)."

"Good luck! Sending a hug." - Alert-Cranberry-5972

"It's better to find out now and be able to draw a line than be tied to this madness forever."

"My ex was like this and I'm glad his mum broke us up or this would be me (minus the money)."

"I don't know the laws where you are but make sure that you look out for your child. So that MIL cannot claim grandparents' rights or parental alienation or whatever. If she is looking to have a do-over baby or something, make sure any time spent with your soon-to-be ex-husband is actually him bonding and not her, maybe also only supervised? Not sure that can be done without any threats or anything." - ChoseAUsernamelet

"For some income for you, and to create an inconvenient distance between you and them, what if you use that money to get an apartment for you and baby, and then rent out the house? It would be a steady income for you so you could spend longer with your kid? You have some savings to do this."

"You could hire a manager to keep up any upkeep of the house if you couldn't do it yourself. It might be a good idea as it gives you income coming in to keep you not stressed on finances." - meggy99

The OP first clarified a few concerns fellow Redditors had.

"I want to touch base on finances real quick for the people commenting 'being a single mom is going to be great.' If he were to leave and we got divorced, my bills would be reduced by at least one-fourth, if not more. I've been helping him pay off his student loan debt for five years, and the price keeps increasing so there's no end in sight.2

"With the $23k that I saved, I could pay for my home and bills for a year and a half. When I add his bills and his debt to the equation, it won't even cover a year. I'm not afraid of single motherhood. He would be involved regardless if we separate as well."

"Also, he signed a prenup. I owned the house long before we started dating. I withdrew MY $23k from the bank and put it in my personal account."

"I already spoke to an attorney and I'm in the clear to do so because I have a paper trail on what was mine vs what was his. I'm an accountant. Numbers and money are kind of my specialty. I have it all handled, legality-wise."

The OP then offered an update on what she was going to do moving forward.

"I spoke to an attorney. I'm in the clear. The money was mine, to begin with, and I have receipts showing what was taken out of my paychecks and dropped into the account. We also had a prenup pre-marriage that I had him sign because I was far better off than him when we got together. So yeah, I'm in the clear."

"I'm still employed currently and my insurance with them doesn't lapse until a month after employment has ended. Both my daughter and I were supposed to go on his insurance after I gave birth, but that obviously can't happen now that he's quit."

"However, I do have a plan, sort of. The insurance I currently have covers personal and not just workplace, and I intend to ask them if I can keep the insurance and pay out of pocket for the next year. My boss said that she did that when she went on maternity leave for six months, so I'm assuming it'll be a go."

"For those asking if I still plan to stay home with my baby, you're d**m right I am. Before we started trying for a baby, WE made the plan that I would stay home for a year. HE was the one who originally brought it up."

"His failure to stick to plans is not going to become my problem. With him out of this house, I can stay home for a year because I planned in advance and saved more than enough. So, I'm sticking with our plan, with or without him."

"My sister (20) has already said she will come to stay with me for a bit. I know it's a tad bit weird to rely on a woman so much younger than me BUT she already has a two-year-old, and she is a d**n good momma. So l, thankfully, do have help lined up. That and my mom would only be a call away."

The subReddit was shocked and uncomfortable with the relationship developing between the OP's husband and MIL, and they were glad that she was separating herself, and her baby, from them before her baby was born.

Though it was unclear how much access her soon-to-be ex-husband would have to their baby, it was clear that the baby needed much less involvement with their biological father and grandmother than what they would have if the OP were to stay in this relationship.