An anonymous husband is having a difficult time forgiving his wife about something and is soliciting guidance online.
The main issue stems from the fact that he is a dog lover and his wife isn’t.
When he discovered the truth about a sad incident from five years ago before they had children, he became enraged and proposed an ultimatum.
He shared what happened by visiting the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, where he asked:
“AITA for giving my wife an ultimatum about getting a dog?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained why he is adamant about being a dog owner.
“I had a dog when my wife and I got married. I loved her, she was my buddy. When my wife got pregnant, she became increasingly paranoid that the dog would be a danger to the baby.”
“She brought up rehoming, and I refused. She was an ‘aggressive breed’, but she was trained.”
“One day, she called me crying at work that the dog ran away and she couldn’t run after her. I believed her. I looked for that dog for weeks.”
“I finally just accepted it because we had to go to the hospital to welcome our child and there were just other pressing concerns.”
“It’s been 5 years since then, and we now have three children. I’ve wanted to get a new dog, but the kids take a lot of energy and time.”
“My wife has always had a new excuse not to get another dog. I found out recently that my dog didn’t run away, my wife and her father took the dog to the pound while I was at work because her parents agreed with her about the dog being ‘dangerous.'”
“I’m FURIOUS. She was MY dog, my BABY. She wasn’t dangerous. I would never have agreed to that.”
“She probably never got adopted. I’m honestly mad enough to consider a separation if not for the kids and practical reasons. I’ve told her that the only way to make it up even a little bit is for us to get a dog.”
“She ultimately doesn’t want a dog at all, and complained that she would have to do too much with it. I’m not planning to let up on this one this time.”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole.
“NTA I can’t believe she would go out of her way to make family plans to destroy your trust. I would never be with someone who disrespected me to that degree, wow.”
“Don’t get a dog with this woman, she didn’t care about getting rid of your dog before what’s to stop her from just doing the same thing again?” – MutedSongbird
“I am absolutely heartbroken for OP. A dog is just the best to have in a life. We have always had dogs and it (I believe) helps children love animals and be compassionate towards animals too.”
“I get not liking dogs but that’s stuff you should have established in the beginning of the relationship, especially if you want them in your life all the time.”
“I’m so sorry OP! You don’t deserve it at all. NTA.” – desert_elf
“NTA. “But, I don’t think it’s wise to get a dog while in that relationship. How would your wife treat and care for the dog? Would she find a way for this one to disappear too?
“Not only did she send your dog to the pound, and lie about it for YEARS, she also appears not to have any remorse for having done so. I would seriously consider a divorce.”
“Trade in your wife for a new dog.” – waradmiral99
“NTA. ‘The kids’ are not a reason to stay married if the relationship is toxic, imo. That is something I personally could never forgive.”
“If you are going to stick it out, please seek couple’s counseling. You either need to find your way past it or end it; living with resentment won’t be good for anyone involved.” – PM_Me_Your_D20s
“He’d be setting up the dog for animal abuse.”
“Frankly, they should part ways. It sucks to drag three kids into this but I don’t think growing up in a home where dad deeply resents mom (for very good reasons) sucks more.”
“Imagine what the kids would feel ten years from now, with both parents resenting each other and then they also learn ‘Mom gave dad’s dog away, it was most likely killed, she liked for years about it, and reasoned that it was for our sake.'”
“That’s the truth that will come out sooner or later anyway and the older they get, the better they’ll understand the coldness and cruelty behind the betrayal.”
“Having both parents happily living their own lives (maybe with new partners who share their views on dogs) and not staring daggers at each other in one home whenever they are in the same room might be the more comfortable set-up for this disaster.” – pokethejellyfish
“NTA. I’d divorce my husband over that for multiple reasons.”
“Besides the obvious emotional pain of losing an animal, there are serious issues going on here.”
“She lied to you repeatedly. Every time you looked for the dog and she stayed silent, she was lying and committed to her decision.”
“Your father in law lied and helped her lie and go over your head. Even if you do not divorce your wife, I would ban your father in law from visiting the house or seeing the kids. It’s not punishment.”
“He is actively hurting you, your marriage and your family. You cannot trust him. He needs to be banned for at least a while and told he is not welcome and why.”
“I would call him and tell him ASAP. Since your wife is making decisions for what’s best without you, you can tell her you know what’s best for the kids and having a man like that in their lives is not good for the family. She can suck it up.”
“She ignored your feelings and kept putting her feelings over yours. She didn’t mind causing you pain. She disrespected you as the dad and made a unilateral decision to ignore your choice.”
“There is no trust here. I would lawyer up and make a plan for custody and belongings. Even if you do not divorce her, you need a plan.”
“If you want to save this marriage, you can try couples therapy. But she has to be invested and she has to have some insight to realize how horrible her actions are and why she is not a good partner and why she even needs counseling.”
“Edit: I would not bring another dog into the house until you deal with your wife. It’s not fair to the dog. You seriously need to work some issues out or she’ll just hurt the next dog too.” – Netteka
“NTA. You said you looked for the dog for weeks and I’m sure you were distraught while you searched for her. Your Wife continued to watch you in your pain, knowing she caused it, and did nothing.”
“She also disrespected you as a parent! She made a decision that something wasn’t acceptable for your child- to be around this dog- and you disagreed, but she decided she knew better than you. Also, eff your in-laws.” – tinydictatorsmom
“Let’s ignore the dog for a moment.”
“Your partner in life, your sickness and health, your love maliciously hurt you. At a minimum, she ripped something you loved from you and caused you deliberate and direct distress over a hypothetical risk.”
“In likelihood, she murdered it; but at a minimum she took it from you and lied to you about it.”
“NTA. This is not okay, and not something someone does to someone they love. YWBTA if you get another dog, because she clearly cant be trusted with them; you would be causing that creature potential harm.”
“But, honestly, get that divorce. If she’s capable of doing this to you, can you really trust her?” – [deleted]
“This thought crosses into the me suggesting being the AH, but if she pulls any kind of crap during the divorce, I’d tell the kids the story of this loving and friendly and wonderful dog you had, that you loved for years, and they could have grown up with as a friend and protector, but something happened to it just before you were born.”
“You don’t get to do sh*t like that, then pretend to your kids that you’re a good person.” – UnmotivatdWorkaholic
“There’s definitely something wrong with her. She watched her partner in pain for weeks. WEEKS. And she didn’t crack.”
“Not to mention how disrespectful, dishonest and selfish it was of her to do that. I’ve read a lot of sh*t stories on this subreddit, but this one made my mouth open in shock. I would get a divorce if I were OP.”
“I sure as sh*t wouldn’t want to stay with someone who doesn’t show remorse and doesn’t care about my feelings. OP needs to realise staying in an unhealthy/resentful marriage (looks that way or will definitely become that way since he won’t get a dog) isn’t good for the kids anyway.”
“He should look at what his chances are of gaining a decent amount of custody, and take it from there.”
“Edit: NTA OP, but a marriage that does have an ultimatum in it somewhere is not a good marriage. I can understand where you are coming from but rather get out and have to sacrifice a few things than sacrificing your life and happiness being with this cow.”
Overall, Redditors remained appalled at the wife’s deception, and they strongly advised against him getting another dog to bring into the now evidently toxic environment of a home.
Despite having children together, many Redditors also suggested having a separation would not be such a bad idea.