A woman and her husband tried her best to be supportive of her sister-in-law, “Daisy,” who had been suffering from several failed attempts at trying to have a baby.
But when Redditor aitasilcontroversy became pregnant, Daisy did not take the news well – which led to the two women becoming estranged.
When tragedy struck, Daisy remained resolute in not wanting to be in contact with her SIL.
That was until she wanted to reconnect after an unfortunate development.
The Original Poster (OP) visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit after refusing to be there for Daisy and asked:
“AITA for telling my SIL that I don’t care that her baby died and to leave me alone?”
“Me and SIL, Daisy, have been friends since High School (15 years ago). I started dating her brother, Dan, when we were all in college. Daisy married Matt sometime after I married Dan 10 years ago.”
“Matt and Daisy wanted a baby and starting trying right after marriage but they were having a lot of trouble. I am talking multiple failed IVF’s, multiple late term miscarriages (one of which was a stillbirth).”
“The struggle went on for 7 years.”
“I have helped her immensely through everything, financially and emotionally. Matt is… unsympathetic sometimes. He behaves as if it’s a batch of bad cookies and immediately guilts her into trying again. So, it always was up me and Dan to take care of her.”
“Despite many talks from me and Dan, she remained married to him and kept trying again and again. We have had many offers to leave the state/country for a better job, but didn’t because we were scared to leave her alone.”
“3 years ago, I got pregnant. We broke the new gently to Daisy one day. She got real quiet and then asked us to leave. Later, she sent me an email saying she doesn’t want to see me or Dan anymore and that this is all too much.”
“We tried to console her but didn’t work, so gave her space.”
“2 weeks before I was supposed to give birth, Dan passed away in an accident. I don’t have any family except for Dan and Daisy. Daisy refused to attend the funeral because she will have to see me.”
“The day before the funeral and I called her and begged her to come. I didn’t think that I would be able to go through that without her. She hung up on me and didn’t attend the service.”
“Soon after that, I gave birth and I decided to move to another state. I cut off all contact with Daisy and started fresh. Now, me and my daughter are very happy and we are enjoying a comfortable life. She attempted to contact me once I moved away but I ignored her.”
“2 weeks ago, she called from an unknown number and said she desperately wanted to talk to me. Turns out she finally got pregnant, had a baby boy who passed away 5 days after being born in NICU. Matt is also leaving her and screwed her over because of the prenup.”
“She is basically broke and homeless days after losing a child. I just said ‘Ok.’ She then asked ‘Are you really not going to say anything? You are really not going to help?'”
“I pretty much said, ‘I don’t care about you. I don’t care about your life. I don’t care about Matt. I don’t care that your baby died. Just leave me and my daughter alone.’ and then hung up.”
“Since then she has been sending me multiple emails and vm’s stating how awful I am and how heartless and how much Dan would be disappointed. I continued to just ignore everything.”
In edit, the OP asked for the comments to remain focused on the main aspect of her story.
“Please don’t DM me about leaving a person homeless during pandemic. I am already aware of the fact. I don’t care.”
“No matter what anyone says I am not going to have any sympathy or help her in any way. I am only asking for a judgement on what I said and how I said it.”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors declared NTA and were unsympathetic towards Daisy.
“Hey OP, you are NTA. That was pure manipulation. When you needed her she wouldn’t come but got surprised for you cutting her off after from what she told you?”
“One more thing I will say is that I am very sorry for your loss and I hope you and your daughter have a great life.” – big_stinky_sockssss
“NTA. You cut contact for a perfectly valid reason. After years and years of being there, when you needed her most, she showed you what kind of ‘friend’ she really is.”
“It was a one-way street with her. And when it didn’t revolve around her, and you needed support, she bailed.”
“The only reason she even reached out to you was because she wanted something. There was no apology or recognizing that she was horrible to you.”
“In the end, you recognized it for what it was: an unhealthy, toxic relationship. Keep Daisy out of your life.”
“I’m sorry for your loss, and wish you and your daughter nothing but happiness.” – Ok-Mode-2038
“Like, boohoo it’s hard when others treat you just an ounce of how you treat them, huh Daisy?”
“Couldn’t be the tiniest bit happy or at least congratulate OP when she got something Daisy didn’t have and couldn’t even show up to her own brothers funeral because it’s oh so hard to see others having something you don’t have.”
“And then to weaponize her own brother, whom she gave no f’ks about, to guilt OP? Enjoy your own medicine.” – BraidedSilver
“Daisy had a long time to mend fences with you – she could have called and said ‘You know what, I was so self-absorbed with my own struggles that I really didn’t realize what a total and complete a**hole I was being. I see that now. I’m really sorry and want to try to repair our relationship.'”
“But no, she reaches out to you ONLY when she needs something from you and is all indignant when you don’t drop everything and comfort her when she didn’t even see fit to attend her own brother’s funeral.”
“Sorry, Daisy, but this is a classic case of you reap what you sow. You are being treated exactly as you treated those around you.”
“OP, I’m also sorry for the horrors you’ve endured. I think it speaks to your strength and character that you were able to pick up, move on and be the best mom you can be to your daughter. I wish you all the best.” – tappytaps
Despite the OP being blunt with Daisy, this Redditor was confident in their judgment.
“It was very harsh what you said, but I’m going with NTA. I might get sh*t on for this, but while I think it was a very harsh comment, she deserved to receive it based on her attitude towards you.”
“You’ve been helping her for years, even tried to leave her abusive relationship, but she was (stupidly) stubborn and stuck with him, and despite all of her struggles to give birth, she should’ve been at least 1% happy for you, but instead, she cuts you off, and I know that she had the right to feel somewhat upset and jealous, but her reaction was way uncalled for, and she even refuses to attend her own brother’s funeral just because you’d be there.”
“After everything you did for her, she drops you because you managed to have something she couldn’t, and treats you like an enemy, despite you trying as gently as possible to share your happiness with her.”
“She saw how your life was turned upside down from your SO’s death, and she refuses to even show the slightest sign of sympathy.”
“Now that HER life was turned upside down, she wants your support? She wants you to be her rock? She wants you to comfort her? Sorry, but I’ll be blunt: F’k. That!”
“She made her bed years earlier, and while I do feel sorry for her baby’s death, you were right about one thing: You cut her out of her life, and you don’t need to care about her life or her baby. Note, I said CARE ABOUT IT.”
“If had mocked or insulted her dead infant, then you’d be an even bigger AH than she ever was, but seeing as you never said anything negative, only saying you have no feelings on the matter, you were pretty straightfoward.”
“I’m sorry for your loss, and I’m sorry you lost your SO and a friend, but don’t let her guilt you into anything, and most of all, bringing your deceased SO (HER BROTHER) into the conversation to try and get to you is the lowest of blows. She can never take that back, and It’s a very hard thing to forgive.”
“I don’t really think she was ever your friend, because let me share something with you. Real friends are the ones who stick by you during your darkest days, and have the guts to call you out on negative behaviors and actions, because they want the best for you.”
“If you have people who only hang with you during your best, but not your worst, then they’re not really your friends. I don’t know if there was ever any moment she stuck with you during a dark time in your life, but based on this, she abandoned you when you needed a friend the most.”
“Sorry for the long comment, but I got so caught up in this story, it literally made me angry. At least you have your daughter, so in a way, Dan’s presence will always be with you. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck on both of your futures.” – HygorBohmHubner
The general consensus was that the OP was definitely NTA, and many of the Redditors were unforgiving of Daisy for not attending her own brother’s funeral just to avoid seeing her SIL.